for Poetry in Random Thought7/23/2004 c6 Pepsi
Very nice. Write more. I enjoyed chapter six the best cause even if it didn't stay together it had some nice imagery.
Very nice. Write more. I enjoyed chapter six the best cause even if it didn't stay together it had some nice imagery.
6/25/2004 c6 
131happy thing
Damn you and your bloody brilliance. I really like the way you can just put words together and make it sound beautiful, even if it isn't really coherent ;) I especially like the line "Sleep and time inevitable, never understand the impossibility of possibility" from your first set of poems. It's just beautiful. Way to be.
131happy thingDamn you and your bloody brilliance. I really like the way you can just put words together and make it sound beautiful, even if it isn't really coherent ;) I especially like the line "Sleep and time inevitable, never understand the impossibility of possibility" from your first set of poems. It's just beautiful. Way to be.
6/22/2004 c5 vanburen
All you sad kids on fp sure do bring a person down...kidding! I like the way your ideas end in the middle of the lines. It pushes forward the motion of your poem, because you can't stop at the end of every line and grasp the idea. You just have to keep going and going, faster...until you hit the second half. I think the second half (the jester part) was good in of itself, but i also think it was kind of disconnected to the part of the poem that is about drunkenness. You should write more often!
All you sad kids on fp sure do bring a person down...kidding! I like the way your ideas end in the middle of the lines. It pushes forward the motion of your poem, because you can't stop at the end of every line and grasp the idea. You just have to keep going and going, faster...until you hit the second half. I think the second half (the jester part) was good in of itself, but i also think it was kind of disconnected to the part of the poem that is about drunkenness. You should write more often!
5/20/2004 c4 vanburen
This poem is friggin' awesome! It's so hot! I love this poem so much, I could read it like ten times and still want to read it again. When I read it, I honestly thought of one of Shakespeare's sonnets, but sexier. This was so, so good. Keep it up.
This poem is friggin' awesome! It's so hot! I love this poem so much, I could read it like ten times and still want to read it again. When I read it, I honestly thought of one of Shakespeare's sonnets, but sexier. This was so, so good. Keep it up.
5/2/2004 c3 vanburen
ok. here is how i feel about your poetry. In pure terms of words being put together, it's very, very good. The way you put together images is insightful. But...it doesn't seem like your poems are about anything. Like, they don't seemed to have a cohesive idea, other than pain, or sadness, or death. If you want to continue writing about these ideas, you should apply them to a subject. For example, write a whole poem on the moment of searing pain you feel when you get a papercut. Take something small, and blow it up into a whole experience, a pivotal moment in life. Or, you could belittle that kind of pain by comparing it to the greater pain others must feel. Also, maybe you could try writing about something happy? I absolutely refuse to believe that anyone is unhappy all the time. Even if you have chronic depression, and even if you are one of the legions of angsty punk/goths on fp.
Peace out and much love,
bluefaerie33
ok. here is how i feel about your poetry. In pure terms of words being put together, it's very, very good. The way you put together images is insightful. But...it doesn't seem like your poems are about anything. Like, they don't seemed to have a cohesive idea, other than pain, or sadness, or death. If you want to continue writing about these ideas, you should apply them to a subject. For example, write a whole poem on the moment of searing pain you feel when you get a papercut. Take something small, and blow it up into a whole experience, a pivotal moment in life. Or, you could belittle that kind of pain by comparing it to the greater pain others must feel. Also, maybe you could try writing about something happy? I absolutely refuse to believe that anyone is unhappy all the time. Even if you have chronic depression, and even if you are one of the legions of angsty punk/goths on fp.
Peace out and much love,
bluefaerie33
4/8/2004 c2 vanburen
"another day in my life of misery"? If I were your creative writing teacher, I'd be worried about you. here's a smile to make you feel better : )
"another day in my life of misery"? If I were your creative writing teacher, I'd be worried about you. here's a smile to make you feel better : )
4/8/2004 c1 vanburen
Let not my quiet despair be called insanity.
For it melts the ice covering my soul.
wow. FANtabulous.
Let not my quiet despair be called insanity.
For it melts the ice covering my soul.
wow. FANtabulous.
3/20/2004 c2 Silbermond
That was so amazingly beautiful... Your use of imagery is impressive, and so is the calmness of your style, I just delighted in every word.
You actually made me cry (and usually that's something only Shelley does);I might sound like an idiot, but I loved your work.
That was so amazingly beautiful... Your use of imagery is impressive, and so is the calmness of your style, I just delighted in every word.
You actually made me cry (and usually that's something only Shelley does);I might sound like an idiot, but I loved your work.
3/9/2004 c2 5SecondQueen
You are really good! I wish my work for creative writing were that cool :)
And congrats on turning 18!
5SecondQueenYou are really good! I wish my work for creative writing were that cool :)
And congrats on turning 18!