for Court of the Fae3/26/2009 c7 
2Phyllis Joy Wolfe
Aww, I'm so glad she still gets to see her parents. I love fairy stories! ^_^
2Phyllis Joy WolfeAww, I'm so glad she still gets to see her parents. I love fairy stories! ^_^
5/24/2008 c7 6Hed in the Cloudz
Seven chapters! Quite appropriate, I think. I like how short this one is- it leaves a nice little ending, as well as allowing us to look back on the rest of the story. And perfect grammar is always a plus!
I don't really have much of a dislike here, but I do wish that you didn't include the parents (because their "taking vacation time" is so out of place, and knowing faeries they would be nasty to them anyway). Also, isn't Amber the color of Earth, not Faerie?
Good story, overall! I look forward to seeing what else you've written!
-Yna, the Review Marathon (see the link in my profile)
6Hed in the CloudzSeven chapters! Quite appropriate, I think. I like how short this one is- it leaves a nice little ending, as well as allowing us to look back on the rest of the story. And perfect grammar is always a plus!
I don't really have much of a dislike here, but I do wish that you didn't include the parents (because their "taking vacation time" is so out of place, and knowing faeries they would be nasty to them anyway). Also, isn't Amber the color of Earth, not Faerie?
Good story, overall! I look forward to seeing what else you've written!
-Yna, the Review Marathon (see the link in my profile)
5/24/2008 c6 Hed in the Cloudz
I like how you've given us an answer to our questions, and how natural it sounds (unlike those earlier in the story). It gives us some background, and actually makes one of the faeries seem real to us!
However, I don't like the introduction of these character-less parents. We've never met them before, and it seems way too convenient that not only does she get to say goodbye, but also that her parents believe her entirely. A trip to a lunatic asylum could be fun, or entirely unbelieving parents who ignore/ try to kill Kathy, but this way is just kind of boring, after an otherwise intriguing story. I'd love to see how this would end without the parents!
I like how you've given us an answer to our questions, and how natural it sounds (unlike those earlier in the story). It gives us some background, and actually makes one of the faeries seem real to us!
However, I don't like the introduction of these character-less parents. We've never met them before, and it seems way too convenient that not only does she get to say goodbye, but also that her parents believe her entirely. A trip to a lunatic asylum could be fun, or entirely unbelieving parents who ignore/ try to kill Kathy, but this way is just kind of boring, after an otherwise intriguing story. I'd love to see how this would end without the parents!
5/24/2008 c5 Hed in the Cloudz
That was sudden! I love the descriptions- this whole chapter is beautiful, and your words let me see each and every part. Good job! And very creative, again. I'm curious about how you thought of this!
I do kinda wonder about her choice, though. I don't think that you're far enough into the story to introduce this yet- you've never told us how she likes faerie that much, and really all she's done is go there and sleep- certainly nothing to commit herself there for life! You've never mentioned this feeling of community, or any reason that she would like it there; but then again, you don't give a reason she would like to stay home, I guess! Still, I don't much like the suddenness, because it makes me so confused!
Thanks for a great chapter!
-Yna, Review Marathon (surprise surprise!)
That was sudden! I love the descriptions- this whole chapter is beautiful, and your words let me see each and every part. Good job! And very creative, again. I'm curious about how you thought of this!
I do kinda wonder about her choice, though. I don't think that you're far enough into the story to introduce this yet- you've never told us how she likes faerie that much, and really all she's done is go there and sleep- certainly nothing to commit herself there for life! You've never mentioned this feeling of community, or any reason that she would like it there; but then again, you don't give a reason she would like to stay home, I guess! Still, I don't much like the suddenness, because it makes me so confused!
Thanks for a great chapter!
-Yna, Review Marathon (surprise surprise!)
5/24/2008 c4 Hed in the Cloudz
Nice cliffhanger at the end! I like how, for the first time, you give us a real reason to keep reading (other than our patience and all). I'm eager to find out what happens next, so this might be a rather short review!
I'm still enjoying the appearance of the castle and this world, and how originally it takes off from the cliches. I would, however, like a few reaction shots- it made me quite mad when Kathy realized that she was a faerie and didn't even think anything about it! I, too, tend to say that the characters will react later, and I've been told time and again to quit it! I advise that you drop everything and DESCRIBE when something like that happens- because nothing in the story is as important as your revelation!
Off to read more!
-Yna, from the RM...
Nice cliffhanger at the end! I like how, for the first time, you give us a real reason to keep reading (other than our patience and all). I'm eager to find out what happens next, so this might be a rather short review!
I'm still enjoying the appearance of the castle and this world, and how originally it takes off from the cliches. I would, however, like a few reaction shots- it made me quite mad when Kathy realized that she was a faerie and didn't even think anything about it! I, too, tend to say that the characters will react later, and I've been told time and again to quit it! I advise that you drop everything and DESCRIBE when something like that happens- because nothing in the story is as important as your revelation!
Off to read more!
-Yna, from the RM...
5/24/2008 c3 Hed in the Cloudz
Now I'm excited! I love how you've given the hint of danger, with the invitation to a fae dance, but had Kathy cluelessly refuse. THAT is how this genre got so popular! I also like your creative description of the castle (it's certainly unlike anything I've read before, and I'm obsessed with faerie stories :D) though I am kind of curious as to what castles Kathy has been to to give her a basis for comparison!
You've ventured into the "tell" mode again, though. I would love to read about exactly what it feels like to have wings, to have them be unsubstantial, or at least to know the temperature, smells, or sounds of the castle, but instead some of your descriptions are robotic in that they rely solely on sight. Please give us more description?
Can't wait to find out who Gaia is!
-Yna, Review Marathon... :)
Now I'm excited! I love how you've given the hint of danger, with the invitation to a fae dance, but had Kathy cluelessly refuse. THAT is how this genre got so popular! I also like your creative description of the castle (it's certainly unlike anything I've read before, and I'm obsessed with faerie stories :D) though I am kind of curious as to what castles Kathy has been to to give her a basis for comparison!
You've ventured into the "tell" mode again, though. I would love to read about exactly what it feels like to have wings, to have them be unsubstantial, or at least to know the temperature, smells, or sounds of the castle, but instead some of your descriptions are robotic in that they rely solely on sight. Please give us more description?
Can't wait to find out who Gaia is!
-Yna, Review Marathon... :)
5/24/2008 c2 Hed in the Cloudz
I. Love. This. Chapter! You've added in imagery, your character has reasons for her actions, and it's long enough to sink your teeth into- yay! I especially like your description of the faerie court- it's beautiful and cliche in a way that makes me excited to see these sweet-sounding fae get into some mischief!
I would like to mention, though, that you don't need a drawn out description of every character. These are pretty, but just remember this for the future- because no one likes a Mary Sue, and when you go in depth describing everyone's beauty, SOMEONE ends up a Sue! I also don't like how you cut the second faerie's description in half, because it makes the reader think that you're describing four people, not three!
This is looking promising, so I'm reading on!
-Yna, still from the Review Marathon!
I. Love. This. Chapter! You've added in imagery, your character has reasons for her actions, and it's long enough to sink your teeth into- yay! I especially like your description of the faerie court- it's beautiful and cliche in a way that makes me excited to see these sweet-sounding fae get into some mischief!
I would like to mention, though, that you don't need a drawn out description of every character. These are pretty, but just remember this for the future- because no one likes a Mary Sue, and when you go in depth describing everyone's beauty, SOMEONE ends up a Sue! I also don't like how you cut the second faerie's description in half, because it makes the reader think that you're describing four people, not three!
This is looking promising, so I'm reading on!
-Yna, still from the Review Marathon!
5/24/2008 c1 Hed in the Cloudz
I love how we find your character unable to sleep but STANDING in the middle of her room. That's the kind of thing that draws the reader in, and you've sure hooked me successfully! It's a good introduction to your imagery, too- because one weird thing leads to another to another, and you can (almost) picture it all!
I guess that pretty much leads in to my criticism. I would love it if you would try to describe more- as writing teachers say, "Show, don't Tell." A balance of both is a good thing, but currently this story screams for a "show" and all you're giving us is a "tell". You can do it, and then you'll hook twice as many readers! I would also love it if you would read over your story, perhaps out loud, and fix any phrases and punctuation that make it sound forced or strange. There are only three or four, but it is a rather short beginning, and first impressions are everything!
I'm definitely reading on...
- Yna, from the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile!)
I love how we find your character unable to sleep but STANDING in the middle of her room. That's the kind of thing that draws the reader in, and you've sure hooked me successfully! It's a good introduction to your imagery, too- because one weird thing leads to another to another, and you can (almost) picture it all!
I guess that pretty much leads in to my criticism. I would love it if you would try to describe more- as writing teachers say, "Show, don't Tell." A balance of both is a good thing, but currently this story screams for a "show" and all you're giving us is a "tell". You can do it, and then you'll hook twice as many readers! I would also love it if you would read over your story, perhaps out loud, and fix any phrases and punctuation that make it sound forced or strange. There are only three or four, but it is a rather short beginning, and first impressions are everything!
I'm definitely reading on...
- Yna, from the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile!)
7/26/2006 c7 earthsong12
I am too lazy to log in of course. I have a sheet full of comments to show you later but overall this is is much improved! I like the choice rather than the fighting. Yay! ^_^
I am too lazy to log in of course. I have a sheet full of comments to show you later but overall this is is much improved! I like the choice rather than the fighting. Yay! ^_^
11/24/2004 c5 earthie
hi, i know i already reviewed this already but im reviewing again! I wish i could go live in fae land ;_;. I’m very amused by her parents’ recations - she goes “guess what? I’m a fairy and we’re moving to fae land” and they go “no problem, let’s just pack up and leave!” Maybe she’s sherrie’s daughter. ^_~
I see that you did actually alert people to the redoing of the crown keeper. coolio. bye bye for now, LYS!
hi, i know i already reviewed this already but im reviewing again! I wish i could go live in fae land ;_;. I’m very amused by her parents’ recations - she goes “guess what? I’m a fairy and we’re moving to fae land” and they go “no problem, let’s just pack up and leave!” Maybe she’s sherrie’s daughter. ^_~
I see that you did actually alert people to the redoing of the crown keeper. coolio. bye bye for now, LYS!
11/14/2004 c6 3Pont
Nice! Good wrapup, I didn't think it was too repetitive.
Yay! Good job Ancamna! There's no need to thank me, I didn't help too much :P You did an excellent job on your own ^_^
Great job!
~Pont
3PontNice! Good wrapup, I didn't think it was too repetitive.
Yay! Good job Ancamna! There's no need to thank me, I didn't help too much :P You did an excellent job on your own ^_^
Great job!
~Pont
11/14/2004 c4 Pont
Cool! I always wondered how faeries wore normal clothes! (I always just kinda drew them facing the camera or wearing a low-cut shirt :P)
Good job! I love this story. Keep up the great work!
~Pont
Cool! I always wondered how faeries wore normal clothes! (I always just kinda drew them facing the camera or wearing a low-cut shirt :P)
Good job! I love this story. Keep up the great work!
~Pont
8/3/2004 c5 Spooni
Hey there, I know I've already reveiwed Dancing in the Moonlight, but I wanted to respond to your reviews. Thank you, I always appreciate it.
Hey there, I know I've already reveiwed Dancing in the Moonlight, but I wanted to respond to your reviews. Thank you, I always appreciate it.
5/18/2004 c6 Spooni
Hehehe...oh my. How many kids would love to have parents as understanding as all that? Wanna leave the face of the earth and everything you've ever known behind? Sure, kid, I love ya! ^_^ But yeah..it was a nice story with some very interesting ideas in there. On the whole, the only other thing that bothered me (besides the saintly parents( was the fact that the ancient enemies of the fae seemed to appear a bit randomly. Perhpas if you alluded to them more a little prior to? Maybe put them in tapestries or some such, or speak of an previous attack? Poor things though, seemed like they really had no chance in the world. Did any of the other Fae get hurt? *worry*
I don't know. Interesting interesting. Yessum yessum. And I like that idea of outside rooms. THey don't have mosquitos though, do they? ..that might be a teensy bit uncomfortable.
Hehehe...oh my. How many kids would love to have parents as understanding as all that? Wanna leave the face of the earth and everything you've ever known behind? Sure, kid, I love ya! ^_^ But yeah..it was a nice story with some very interesting ideas in there. On the whole, the only other thing that bothered me (besides the saintly parents( was the fact that the ancient enemies of the fae seemed to appear a bit randomly. Perhpas if you alluded to them more a little prior to? Maybe put them in tapestries or some such, or speak of an previous attack? Poor things though, seemed like they really had no chance in the world. Did any of the other Fae get hurt? *worry*
I don't know. Interesting interesting. Yessum yessum. And I like that idea of outside rooms. THey don't have mosquitos though, do they? ..that might be a teensy bit uncomfortable.