8/19/2006 c13 1AlexisLovesYou
When are you going to update again? I really like your story.AJ

7/8/2006 c9 shattered.heart.baby
This story's cool. but it's kind of annpying how she became such a poser just to impress Ice. And what's up with Sniper ? Anyways, I'll read the rest later ! it's really good !

5/31/2006 c1 1Shorty Baby
It's been 5 months since you have updates! I like this story! You need to wriute!

4/25/2006 c1 R0MANCEFREAK
you know what the problem with your story is...YOU HAVENT UPDATED SINCE 12-29-05...05! GAH! PLEASE UPDATE!

4/19/2006 c13 totallyrandom
luv the story...update soon plz!o and for the record, i reckon tias better with sniper =D

4/8/2006 c13 SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin
It's official. I love you. WHY IS THIS NOT PUBLISHED?You must update! I COMMAND you to update! Its 5 am and I got NO sleep...I have to wake up @ 9 too, so you better update because I need more details woman!I love the IceTiaSniper love triangle its so smexi!^_^

4/1/2006 c13 Strawberiwine
Um I'm still a fan of the story even though your writing is becoming even more immature as you get further into your story.

"But then, anyone with eyes could tell that Ice was one devoted motherfucker. Err…or once again without profanity…One devoted…Eh, what’s the use."

Commentary in the middle of a story is dangerous; you often confuse the reader and detract from the authenticity of your story. Also the use of language makes your writing childish. The use of curse words is to make up for the minds lack of creativity. Your a great writer on your own, you don't need to attempt to have funny interludes or childish commentary.

Also, through all the classes i've taken on writing i've come to learn that long over drawn explanations of a characters facial expression on behavior is also childish. If you have the right dialogue people will be able to interpret the characters emotions without the explanations. So basically, by using them everytime a person speaks is insulting to your readers intelligence.

And finally, your word selection. Reading some sentences it sounds like you went through a thesaurus and looked for the coolest sounding word you could find. This too, will confuse the reader. If you use too big of a word the reader gets lost in trying to interpret what it is you mean. Simple words without the use of conjunctions (and the word "just) that are descriptive in themselves are all you need to make writing brilliant. Also stay away from adverbs.

I can identify with your character, Tia, and her experience with the guy in the car; this makes you a good writer. You used a universal theme and put your own twist to it. Keep it up, and no matter what, just keep writing. It's been forever since you've updated. If your experiencing writers block the best thing you can do. Is sit down and force yourself to write something for ten minutes; even if its the worst thing you've ever written. Because through terrible writing comes great beginners and you just might find a new direction for your story.

Please don't take this as a flamer, because it's not. Writing is my passion and my major, and I just want to help you make your writing great. If you have comments, questions, concerns, retaliation. Please feel free to email me.