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for When the World Ends

11/28/2004 c5 150SpawnMeister666
This is pretty good so far, but there are certain things that are annoying.

Your insistance on explaining where the names came from at the end of each chapter for example.

People like to read, but they don't really like to read about where ideas came from, or names for that matter.

Also, your regular references to books and movies is also something that slows down the narrative and drags the story down.

We've all read the books and seen the movies. We don't need to be constantly reminded of them. We get the references that you make without you having to explain them.

And if we don't get them? No point explaining them. It's like telling a joke. It just isn't funny if you have to explain the punch-line.

Other than that, it's a decent enough story. I'll read the rest later.

Spawny
11/27/2004 c1 SpawnMeister666
This is a pretty cool first chapter. I plan to read the rest later, but for now there's an important rugby match to watch!

Spawny
9/6/2004 c1 10Wesley The Dark Prince
Well the good news first. The story, or at least the first chapter, was creepy. You really made him sound insane, and that isn't always easy so good job.
Umm the idea is really overused, and it would be near impossible or just plain impossible to write an original story about a bunch of people that died. But hey you seem to have done some good.
And finally I'd just like to ask why every single person who writes these kind of stories sets them in the U.S. Think about it people, American cities are crowded and jampacked places. You could wipe out all of Staten Island with a virus in a couple of days. Same with China and Japan. And since Africa is already full of disease than they would go as well, the only places that would be fairly untouched would be Australia, Russia and maybe Canada (this I doubt due to our close proximity to America). Maybe your from the U.S.A and you find it easier to write about your home country than any others, so that's no problem. Just don't be afraid to experiment with places and people.
Of course, maybe it's something supernatural like The Stand or something and I wouldn't know because I've only read the first chapter. In that case I'm sorry, but please remember that it doesn't have to be set in Idaho or Iowa or some midwestern state that everyone forgets about.
So, to end this comment, I thought the writing was good and dialogue was also quite good, the only real problem (apart from a couple of spelling errors) is the setting. Other than that, Keep up the Good Work. :D
7/24/2004 c1 jacktheripperscotland
You have drained evry last ounce of happiness from body, I might as well go kill myself.
7/18/2004 c7 Infamous Writer
This was a great story. I enjoy reading work with the "end of the world"-kind plots. I was just wondering... was this inspired by 28 Days Later? Just curious. :)
Oh, and by the way- Disturbed is awesome.
7/3/2004 c7 HappyBunny1
How great was that? Another excellent chapter brought to you by MorbidMan... Great reading. Hope you update soon.
Chrissy
6/15/2004 c6 HappyBunny1
Well, here I am. Whenever people make requests, I try my best to honor them. And when I read this story, I must say, I was very impressed by this story. I liked the characters a lot and you've developed them nicely. It's an interesting story and I will be keeping up with it.
PS. Thank you very much for reviewing my story, I appreciate it. And, yes, I know, it does seem rushed now that I look at it and I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to get it up as soon as I could. I'm probably going to go over it within the next day or two and revise it. Ya know, make it seem a little less amateur. Anywho, keep up the good work!
Chrissy
(HappyBunny1)
6/1/2004 c6 26Endless Nightmares
Hello Morbid-
Well the horror is in there, it just needs more branches to it. Like, write more horror for the next few chapters. All in all, nice job.
6/1/2004 c6 26Ares1020
Hey, Im sorry bro I read this yesterday but my computer went on the fritz when i tried to review, this story is totally awesome. If there is one thing I could ask for I wish you would go back and tell us how the others are doing. Also I dreamnt about this story for some reason and I came up with so many cool ideas. A girl who's only contact with someone else comes from the little solar powered HAM radio that her dad was using when he died. A guy who has agoraphobia (i think that's the one im looking for, scared to go outside), Is stuck indoors, knowing that his medication is running lower everyday, but the more he rations it the less likely he is to go outside and try to find more. I dunno so much stuff can happen with a story like this. Definately lovin it. Keep writing.
5/31/2004 c2 Ares1020
Dude this is awesome, I really wanna see what happens next so guess what... Im gonna go check! :-P
5/22/2004 c6 2the world woke up without me
Awesome! It's even better than Eccentric, and that's saying a lot. Jason is my favourite charector. I like the name Falconer for a village. It's sort of romantic... there is a place called Jamestown, though. It's near Fargo. Have you ever seen that movie? It kicks ass. Hmm... back to the fic...
This is great... you have way more talent than I did when I was your age. I never could've come up with something like this. Well done to you. And thanks for the whole list thing, dude. I got you back.
5/21/2004 c6 Written In Darkness
Hey-
i don't understand this:
“Run me through it with!” he shouted. More tears were coming.
For some reason I feel this has a little issue with it. It doesn't sound to clear.
Thats all I found that was wrong. Nobody is perfect, and your far off from being the worst writer. I'd say your moving up.
4/9/2004 c5 17SuperGill
another great update from the morbid man. you have great talent and potential. i like how the names are all references. anyway great story. update soon.
4/9/2004 c4 SuperGill
awesome story. i saw the first friday the 13 movie, and it was good. i like it how you put a quote at the end of each chapter.
r/r me ~~sg
4/9/2004 c3 SuperGill
great update. i love the little quips of humor in such a dark piece.
r/r me ~~sg
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