Just In
for Betrayal

8/16/2005 c1 22Neried
Man, this is pathetic.Having to write a message to two idiots who won't just LEAVE ME ALONE on my OWN poem is totally sad.Myka, Rain,SCREW OFF.
5/21/2005 c1 22fadedrainbows
Finally! *bows down to Neried* I was beginning to think that all the talent in fictionpress had been sucked into oblivion! *breathes in talent* Okay. I'm normal again. I have just a bit of -constructive- critisism. One is when you are mentioning the flames glowing white-hot. You also used the word "white" just a few lines before and it almost seems overused. The only other thing is a misspelling. On line 21 you wrote "My sould dies within me" I believe you mean "soul". That is all of my concrit. I truly enjoyed this poem. It had actual meaning and emotion and it didn't feel as if someone just thought "i bet a depressed person who was just betrayed would feel like this". There are so many poems on here which feel like that. Okay, so I'm gibbering. I'm just so excited that I found a good poem! :D Great job!


P.S. Although it is of course never required for you to R&R back, I would be oh so happy if you read some of my stuff *gives you puppy eyes*
1/14/2005 c1 12Rubel
I would have just the slightest suspicion that this is about me. As was Rain. And quite honestly, I do believe that I have set much more pain out into the world then I have experienced myself. I did not go to third base. I do feel remorse for what I did but also fear, I have always been a chicken.

It is a powerful poem, and I believe that you do capture pain and general imagry well.

Also, I'd like you to know (and I'm too chicken to call or some such thing) that I'm not dating anyone you think I am. I'm "with" my old best friend. A male. That is all.
5/27/2004 c1 3Dyed Hair
so you'r dead...how can you be writing crappy poetry...obviously this guy didn't 'let you DIE' cause you lived to write this poem...
2/28/2004 c1 Chambered emotions
Very good poem...it kept me very captivated to know what you would describe next in your wonderful imagery ...This feeling..the feeling of regret and loss..god I hate it...I've felt like that many times...but you know what? Its goes away...Im not telling you to get over it, I'm reassuring you that this is just a phase..that the pain will soon dissapear and become your past. Great job with your poem..keep writing!

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