1/2/2006 c4 5Summer's Light
Umm..i like your story but i think the whole chearleader drama thing went a little too far..i don't think its that intence..and about the baby thing..you do use that to much..and the 1st part was questionable and so was the part where she found out..and whyr they so she..sterotypicly chearleaders and theatre pple are alot more self confident. but yeah its an intresting story.

8/16/2004 c11 2BigRed-2006
Great post can't wait for more update soon!

7/21/2004 c9 4Serotamus
Um...okay, plot, characters, and general idea are all good. I'm really glad that Dakota's starting to not care about the whole cheerleader-can't-date-drama person, because it's a little annoying and pathetic how overly obsessed high schoolers can be with their social image these days.
I urge you to continue, but PLEASE, two things: these people talk too much while they're having sex. You have sex to feel each other, not tell the other the same thing you do everytime: "You feel so good, baby," "M, just like that, baby," etc. Not so much talking, and describe more how they FEEL during the sex. If they really love each other, it wouldn't be so...unloving-described, you know what I mean?
And also: It's very annoying how many times they use the word, "Baby." I'm serious. At least come up with a new petname, like "Honey" or something. I mean, if I was Dakota, even if I was madly in love with Alex, I would get annoyed with being called "Baby" all the time. It's annoying for the readers as well.
You should definetely start making more character developement. So far, Alex is struggling with being a sex-crazed teenager and attempting at the theme of love, and Dakota is very concerned with social image and cries about it all the time. Like I said, describe who they are, what they are, how they feel! I am serious, just take my advice, and you'll have a WONDERFUL story!
All in all: the basic concepts you have are very nice (and I like it that you made them both Latinos. Most characters are white, and it annoys me how no one stretches to other races. I don't know if you're Latino or not, but still), but you need to develop everything a little more. Sit down and think about your characters and the plot. Keep writing. You need a wee bit improvement, but everyone does; me, you, J.K Rowling, everyone. I don't want to make you feel like a bad writer. I just wanna help you. This is CONSTRUCTIVE criticizm. Not angry criticizm.
Good luck and keep writing. I can tell you love it.

6/21/2004 c1 Sygel
Next chapter pls...

6/9/2004 c10 AlexBlake
Oh this is so shit, you have no talent and how many times they said baby to eachother?
The dialongue was monotone and purely sexual, there was so much sex, and the worst thing about the se scences was that they were so badly written and discribed. As well as the whole they can't be with eachother because shes a cheeleader and he's in drama, that was pathetic. Dakota seems to cry every 5 seconds and she acts so completely weak and stupid, Alex just sounds like a highy sexed hormone crazy teenager (and not in a good way). The characters have zero deph and if they feel ANY love for eachother than it is not evident.
Alex

6/8/2004 c4 Ashleigh
Wonderful! I loved the entire thing. I don't know what to say I loved best! Keep up the good work!

5/22/2004 c8 AngelcakesUK
Cool story. Hope you update soon!