for My Little Ship4/20/2004 c1 
81daphnegray78
Cute poem. You must have an awesome imagination to have gotten that from a model ship ;) I thought the last stanza was great, by the way. In fact, the whole thing was purty darn good!
81daphnegray78Cute poem. You must have an awesome imagination to have gotten that from a model ship ;) I thought the last stanza was great, by the way. In fact, the whole thing was purty darn good!
4/8/2004 c1 PainKiller
For a first rhyming poem, this is very contemplative, thoughtful, and deep. The ending was excellent... almost leaving the thoughts you made left to be resolved by the reader. You are right about the last line of the first stanza; it is pretty awkward. Maybe you could change it to "I wonder: did it win?" That would help it some. Anyhow, nice work!
For a first rhyming poem, this is very contemplative, thoughtful, and deep. The ending was excellent... almost leaving the thoughts you made left to be resolved by the reader. You are right about the last line of the first stanza; it is pretty awkward. Maybe you could change it to "I wonder: did it win?" That would help it some. Anyhow, nice work!
4/2/2004 c1 148JJR Meerraf
I havne't reviewed this? *Gasps and faints*
I loved the last two stanzas, pretty good for your first rhyming poem. Excellent work!
148JJR MeerrafI havne't reviewed this? *Gasps and faints*
I loved the last two stanzas, pretty good for your first rhyming poem. Excellent work!
4/1/2004 c1 191mmoonsshiner
no! That line is brilliant! Not many people phrase their scentences like that any more but if you read anyhting in old english thats the standard it works very well with your rhyme scheme and tossing a few more abnormal words ( like how u used amidst instead of in or against) it would make this little ditty all the more beautiful. did i mention i love the immagery? Greta job !
~Nat
191mmoonsshinerno! That line is brilliant! Not many people phrase their scentences like that any more but if you read anyhting in old english thats the standard it works very well with your rhyme scheme and tossing a few more abnormal words ( like how u used amidst instead of in or against) it would make this little ditty all the more beautiful. did i mention i love the immagery? Greta job !
~Nat
3/25/2004 c1 82pippin tomson
Sorry it's taken me ages to review. I really enjoyed the kind of magic with this poem. The Last two verses were the best, I really enjoyed these. There is deffinatly a spark to this poem. Ecellents feeling and I love the end of the last two verses.
pippin tomson
82pippin tomsonSorry it's taken me ages to review. I really enjoyed the kind of magic with this poem. The Last two verses were the best, I really enjoyed these. There is deffinatly a spark to this poem. Ecellents feeling and I love the end of the last two verses.
pippin tomson
3/22/2004 c1 4Niph speaks
*waves madly* HI!
I love the poem. The first words that came to mind were 'So cute, so cute!'
It definitely needs more stanzas.
Personally, I think the last stanza didn't need any work. Very good job with flowing all your verses together. ^^
4Niph speaks*waves madly* HI!
I love the poem. The first words that came to mind were 'So cute, so cute!'
It definitely needs more stanzas.
Personally, I think the last stanza didn't need any work. Very good job with flowing all your verses together. ^^
3/21/2004 c1 38Unperfect Guy
I really like this. It's simple yet elegant.
I think what throws off that last line is the lack of punctuation. every other line in it has either a comma or ? mark. Maybe it's just me, but the period would put a bit of finality to it, and leaves it kinda awkward without a follow-up line.
This is really good. Make sure you keep up the most excellent work, and bring a little joy to whoever reads your work.
^_^ Unperfect Guy
38Unperfect GuyI really like this. It's simple yet elegant.
I think what throws off that last line is the lack of punctuation. every other line in it has either a comma or ? mark. Maybe it's just me, but the period would put a bit of finality to it, and leaves it kinda awkward without a follow-up line.
This is really good. Make sure you keep up the most excellent work, and bring a little joy to whoever reads your work.
^_^ Unperfect Guy
3/2/2004 c1 DedAccount
the ryming is fine, great stuff. saddly i can't halp you with the odd line(i'm so sorry)
the ryming is fine, great stuff. saddly i can't halp you with the odd line(i'm so sorry)
3/2/2004 c1 76CoolBeans18s
Wow! I love this! That line /is/ a little akwards, but I hardly noticed it until I read back over after seeing your note. I think its just fine! And adding more stanzas to it can only make it more brilliant! Great work!
~ COOlBeans18s
76CoolBeans18sWow! I love this! That line /is/ a little akwards, but I hardly noticed it until I read back over after seeing your note. I think its just fine! And adding more stanzas to it can only make it more brilliant! Great work!
~ COOlBeans18s
3/2/2004 c1 3katpixie666
gud rhyming, but i think you should write about something that has more meaning, more feeling to it. *hey, constructive critisism:D*
~Koyte~
*if ne1 has time could u plz lookie @ my story/poem? thanx*
3katpixie666gud rhyming, but i think you should write about something that has more meaning, more feeling to it. *hey, constructive critisism:D*
~Koyte~
*if ne1 has time could u plz lookie @ my story/poem? thanx*