Just In
for Journal of an Innocent

3/6/2002 c2 Rivi
Hullo. I think I stuck this review after Entry 1, but I've read both 1 & 2.

You've got a start here. If you keep up with it, I'll keep reading. You've hit your narrator's voice pretty well: she sounds like an Innocent high school freshman. I don't think I'd call your writing level very high, but it really suits what you're doing with it. I really like your idea of the examination of a "normal" life-the life of a girl who isn't dealing with some huge problem that sets her apart from everyone around her. I have always wondered: what happened to all the average ones among us? Aren't our stories worth telling? They are. They really are.

Your portrayal of her school life without going into detail has nevertheless given me what I perceive as a fairly faithful representation of a freshman's view of high school. In that, well done.

I'd like to bring up your definition of Innocent. If she is so aware of all these things that destroy innocence, how does she maintain her own? How does one, as a diarist (who must be observant and to an extent aware of what's around her) stay innocent? If something out of her control happens to her, does that mean she's lost her innocence? You mentioned depression as one of the things that destroys innocence. I don't agree. I also don't know any teenage girl who has made it through the years between 6th and 10th grades without at least one very memorable stint of depression-yet many of them are still innocent. I also don't think it only takes tragedy to destroy innocence.

Because of these issues, I'm not sure where you're trying to go with the idea of an innocent. You might want to reconsider that. If the point is to write the diary of an innocent, you're not going to have much to write: the longer she lives-and the more she writes-the less innocent she'll be. If you're trying to show how even a regular person is important or interesting without having to A) totally ruin her life or B) have her life totally ruined by an outside force, then you might want to tone down the pre-entry-1 stuff on Innocence.

I like it.
11/18/2001 c5 Emilia R
It's lovely! Very true, too, I don't know many people who use real life experiences in stories but they should, it only makes it all seem more authentic. Lol, love the spasmatic English prof!

Well, Greek and Romans seem to like sex. A lot. With Apollo, Dionysus, but frequently Zeus. I did a project with a family tree ... oh man, you should have seen the length of it, all thanks to Zeus.

There's a lot on Hestia, but more on her Roman counterpart, Vesta.

You're right - not every girl wants (or needs) to hear lectures on eating before lunch!

Kansas ... ooh! that sounds good! Keep writing, this is just starting to get really good! :) *anxiously awaits next chapter*
11/12/2001 c4 8shinji1698
powerful but cliche'd
11/11/2001 c4 Lady Jayden ZK
Hey, this is a pretty cool beginning of what could be a hreat story. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to read what happens to this chick in the future especially since the main character really reminds me of me. Yes, I am also an innocent. ^_~ Later Days And Much Love, ~*~*Lady Jayden ZK*~*~
7/5/2001 c2 56xoe
=D i got mentioned! whoowhoo! hee hee, even though i think i know what will happen, i can't wait to see how you write it! ^^ =D so good so good!
2/27/2001 c1 xoe
o.O i guess i'm not an innocent am i? interesting thoughts though! even if i'm not innocent *evil grin* ^^
1/2/2001 c1 L.E. Lamkin
this sounds really interesting. can't wait for you to post more.
1/1/2001 c1 viv
hy-do-ho! Arryia sends you grettings! Sounds interesting...
12/29/2000 c1 Ven Mi Reflejo proud M.E.T.M.A. member
wow. that was good. i can't write like that.
12/27/2000 c1 25Rebecca Nowack
I know this sucks, but please be patient.

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