Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Fickle Girl

12/14/2005 c1 5Raspberry Twirl
oh my god. that was beautiful. i love the line "a whirlwind of deception"
5/21/2005 c1 6feelingshortofstable
I love how this is free form, but done very well. There are little to no flow problems here. I especially liked the first couple of lines, the use of "pirouette" as a verb, and the bright colors. Dancing around the subject, showy, flashy colors, it all leads right into the emotion of deceit conveyed. Very well done. The only line I had trouble on was that which went, "Ash runs in your frozen veins," and then it was only the way I read it...I was thinking it should have been "Ashes run..." but it's really all about preference.

Anyway, excellent job. Keep it up, and have a great day!
3/12/2004 c1 12Simon283
so true, more true tyhn anything else ive read. i love her more than anything.
~S
3/12/2004 c1 32Birdaloo
damn. haha, is that me? i wouldnt doubt it in the least. ste... CANT SAY YORU NAME! bad me! BAD! girly, you are TRULY gods MUSE or something! when your book comes out, i SO call first dibs!
~Birdy

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service