3/20/2004 c1 39zelle
*takes a deep breath*
Well, I don't know about you, but *I* think this was effing brilliant.
The first part was probably my favorite. I think that very few people can incorporate humor into poetry without making it cheesy or stupid. This was something that started lightly and then suddenly plunged into something so much deeper. A little sinister.
I think the only thing I'd change is 'sky' in the very last line. I see you were trying for openness with spacing and such, but I think that it would have been done more effectively in a completely separate line...with spacing.
But that was my anal little nitpick of the day. *scuffles toe*
*adds to favorites*