for The Path8/31/2005 c1 
16RuathaWehrling
Hi! Thanks for your comments on my evolution article. I really appreciate it. And I tend to agree: people will keep arguing about the matter for many years to come. :(
Anyhow, on to your poem.
1.) "When after years of plodding, / I came to that place where the two roads diverged." - This is not a full sentence, so don't end it in a period (or else change the sentence)
2.) "I came to that place where the two roads diverged / Or a small untrodden path / Veered left..." - The "or" doesn't seem to make much sense here. "And" might work better, or just starting a new sentence as "A small ... path...". Do you understand what I mean?
3.) "the mob, it ran / Their eyes only on their choice" - You start by describing the mob as "it", but then suddenly switch to "they". If you're consistant and just pick one, it'll make your writing stronger.
4.) "Watching the trickle contrast the river" - You haven't yet described "the trickle" of people taking the other path. This might mean more if you mentioned the sight of that first.
Excellent! I really like the point that this poem makes - especially the last stanza. Very nice. If you can clean up the grammar-like stuff I mentioned, it'll be a really powerful piece. Well done!
Thanks! -Ruatha
16RuathaWehrlingHi! Thanks for your comments on my evolution article. I really appreciate it. And I tend to agree: people will keep arguing about the matter for many years to come. :(
Anyhow, on to your poem.
1.) "When after years of plodding, / I came to that place where the two roads diverged." - This is not a full sentence, so don't end it in a period (or else change the sentence)
2.) "I came to that place where the two roads diverged / Or a small untrodden path / Veered left..." - The "or" doesn't seem to make much sense here. "And" might work better, or just starting a new sentence as "A small ... path...". Do you understand what I mean?
3.) "the mob, it ran / Their eyes only on their choice" - You start by describing the mob as "it", but then suddenly switch to "they". If you're consistant and just pick one, it'll make your writing stronger.
4.) "Watching the trickle contrast the river" - You haven't yet described "the trickle" of people taking the other path. This might mean more if you mentioned the sight of that first.
Excellent! I really like the point that this poem makes - especially the last stanza. Very nice. If you can clean up the grammar-like stuff I mentioned, it'll be a really powerful piece. Well done!
Thanks! -Ruatha
4/9/2004 c1 10Mobius Soul
Whoa...deeply meaningful...I wrote a philosophical poem once, but yours is better. Keep it up!
10Mobius SoulWhoa...deeply meaningful...I wrote a philosophical poem once, but yours is better. Keep it up!
3/21/2004 c1 150SpawnMeister666
This is good. Personally, I'd have probably turned right, as experience says that whenever you come to a crossroads in life, turning right will get you to a pub swifter than turning left.
I don't know why it works like that, but believe me when I say I've tried it many times and never failed once.
Spawny
150SpawnMeister666This is good. Personally, I'd have probably turned right, as experience says that whenever you come to a crossroads in life, turning right will get you to a pub swifter than turning left.
I don't know why it works like that, but believe me when I say I've tried it many times and never failed once.
Spawny