for Innocent Witch4/11/2004 c1 
4aragorn-lover2001
OMG that is soo sad!
It's only to true though. It really did happen like that then. If neighbors got into quarels one would accuse the other and be rid of her. I suppose husband did that too. Vary sad.
That sound like an interesting English project. I wish I got assignments like that!
awesome story keep writing!
4aragorn-lover2001OMG that is soo sad!
It's only to true though. It really did happen like that then. If neighbors got into quarels one would accuse the other and be rid of her. I suppose husband did that too. Vary sad.
That sound like an interesting English project. I wish I got assignments like that!
awesome story keep writing!
4/10/2004 c1 6screamstar87
This is good, you could use some more appropriate names to the time period, as another reviewer suggested, but overall, a good idea that has the potential to be a truly great piece of work if you develop it well, and I think you have the talent to do so.
6screamstar87This is good, you could use some more appropriate names to the time period, as another reviewer suggested, but overall, a good idea that has the potential to be a truly great piece of work if you develop it well, and I think you have the talent to do so.
4/2/2004 c1 7Captain JT
Dear Writer,
This story is fairly intereting, I must say, but the form in which it is written is questionable. Some good qualites were the use of narritive to tell the tale (definitely effective for such dramatic instances), and the overall mood of the event. I feel however that description of the surroundings and character development were a little weak. Such facts are very significant to the story, such as the nationality and time period of the witch trials. The punishment for witches was really different throughout Europe around the the 16th and 17th centeries. Just keep an eye out for detail (think of it as your character seeing and describing the world around her FOR THE LAST TIME EVER!), but the central messages comes through very clear.
7Captain JTDear Writer,
This story is fairly intereting, I must say, but the form in which it is written is questionable. Some good qualites were the use of narritive to tell the tale (definitely effective for such dramatic instances), and the overall mood of the event. I feel however that description of the surroundings and character development were a little weak. Such facts are very significant to the story, such as the nationality and time period of the witch trials. The punishment for witches was really different throughout Europe around the the 16th and 17th centeries. Just keep an eye out for detail (think of it as your character seeing and describing the world around her FOR THE LAST TIME EVER!), but the central messages comes through very clear.
3/31/2004 c1 40Aleonic Relic
really sad but well written. this was a great story. not much else to say except good job.
40Aleonic Relicreally sad but well written. this was a great story. not much else to say except good job.
3/31/2004 c1 R.V. Kingsbury
this is a very good start!
Here are some suggested changes.
Paige and Milo are not early 17th century names. Look in nonfiction books on the period for some names original to the time; it will give your story much more versmillitude. Or look in your own family tree, if you can trace it back far enough. If you're in doubt, anything Biblical will do: Susannah, Paul, Timothy, Elizabeth, etc. Try to avoid overtly saints' names, as the puritans had a burning hatred of anything that smacked of Catholicism, though that's not something you'll see in any history book. Also, your narrator most likely had no hatred of superstition - perhaps she was trying to pursue a more Christian way of life, like Ann Hutchinson. Most Puritans were extremely anxious about the state of their souls, and the prospect for salvation.
also, expand! Your suggestion of Paige's triumphant eyes at the end is very curious... I would like to see her character developed more thoroughly - perhaps not as a stock temptress, but as a confused and rebellious young woman lashing out in the only way she knows how. You could easily turn this small story into a novella - all the pieces are there. Its dramatic quality is crying out to be played up to the hilt!
And don't call it a fanfic. Your work deserves the name of fiction, as it's something that you yourself created. Put some serious work into this - it will exercise those writing muscles. All in all, excellent job!
~rose
this is a very good start!
Here are some suggested changes.
Paige and Milo are not early 17th century names. Look in nonfiction books on the period for some names original to the time; it will give your story much more versmillitude. Or look in your own family tree, if you can trace it back far enough. If you're in doubt, anything Biblical will do: Susannah, Paul, Timothy, Elizabeth, etc. Try to avoid overtly saints' names, as the puritans had a burning hatred of anything that smacked of Catholicism, though that's not something you'll see in any history book. Also, your narrator most likely had no hatred of superstition - perhaps she was trying to pursue a more Christian way of life, like Ann Hutchinson. Most Puritans were extremely anxious about the state of their souls, and the prospect for salvation.
also, expand! Your suggestion of Paige's triumphant eyes at the end is very curious... I would like to see her character developed more thoroughly - perhaps not as a stock temptress, but as a confused and rebellious young woman lashing out in the only way she knows how. You could easily turn this small story into a novella - all the pieces are there. Its dramatic quality is crying out to be played up to the hilt!
And don't call it a fanfic. Your work deserves the name of fiction, as it's something that you yourself created. Put some serious work into this - it will exercise those writing muscles. All in all, excellent job!
~rose