for Era of Darkness5/24/2004 c1 PC
This sounds like it just might be interesting.
This sounds like it just might be interesting.
5/24/2004 c3 PC
He said that she would find out her past, sheesh, it didn't sound like she did too good on her test... GREAT chapter.
He said that she would find out her past, sheesh, it didn't sound like she did too good on her test... GREAT chapter.
5/12/2004 c3 
2LaDiNi
I pushed the button, i deserve... candy!XD! getting more and more intersting! go on! and.. you take ages to update! :P
2LaDiNiI pushed the button, i deserve... candy!XD! getting more and more intersting! go on! and.. you take ages to update! :P
5/11/2004 c3 16Calvin Fitzgerald
I still don't understand much about the actual war itself, or humanities enemy at this point in the story. This does remind me strongly of the novel 'Enders Game', what with the children training facilities and the prophecy and all that. One other thing, if they were indeed training for a war then wouldn't the rules be a lot stricter? How would Kit be able to yell at her superior officers like that? Oh, and I guess I have one other thing: if the earth is a battlefield then how did Kit become a street urchin? Are there still cities? Population centers? You need to fill us in on the rest of your universe.
Calvin Fitzgerald
16Calvin FitzgeraldI still don't understand much about the actual war itself, or humanities enemy at this point in the story. This does remind me strongly of the novel 'Enders Game', what with the children training facilities and the prophecy and all that. One other thing, if they were indeed training for a war then wouldn't the rules be a lot stricter? How would Kit be able to yell at her superior officers like that? Oh, and I guess I have one other thing: if the earth is a battlefield then how did Kit become a street urchin? Are there still cities? Population centers? You need to fill us in on the rest of your universe.
Calvin Fitzgerald
5/11/2004 c1 Calvin Fitzgerald
Good premise so far, I look forward to reading the rest of your story. I liked the way you placed the word 'earth' between each digression. All and all it seems very philisophical so far.
Calvin Fitzgerald
Good premise so far, I look forward to reading the rest of your story. I liked the way you placed the word 'earth' between each digression. All and all it seems very philisophical so far.
Calvin Fitzgerald
4/4/2004 c2 5Destroying Angel
For some reason I really like beeping pistols... They're just cool.
“Kit, you’re the only one who explodes them!” grammar seems a bit odd in that sentence, might wanna say "you're the only one who makes them explode!"
Hmm... makes ya wonder, they can afford robots and ammunition/energy but they cant get any holoprojectors for training, I might be out of the timeframe but it's just a guess, might wanna tweak that a bit too.
You do a good job with details.
"Once again you destroy one of the Training Robots once again." Sounds kinda redundant ya'know?
Hmm... when she throws the pocketknife, is it open O.o? if it is that would be bad...
"her family was pro tennis players"
Grammar, might want to make that "her family was made up of pro tennis players."
Once again, descriptive with the expressions in the conversation, good job with that, it helps the reader a lot.
beeping guns and people sayin' bajesus... this story has it all :)
Interesting, and you set a decently laid cliffhanger at the end to get people to come back, good job.
Hope to read more soon,
D.A.
(Previously known as Achronite whom was previously known as Destroying Angel of whom has usually had Achronite as his alias for a while.)
5Destroying AngelFor some reason I really like beeping pistols... They're just cool.
“Kit, you’re the only one who explodes them!” grammar seems a bit odd in that sentence, might wanna say "you're the only one who makes them explode!"
Hmm... makes ya wonder, they can afford robots and ammunition/energy but they cant get any holoprojectors for training, I might be out of the timeframe but it's just a guess, might wanna tweak that a bit too.
You do a good job with details.
"Once again you destroy one of the Training Robots once again." Sounds kinda redundant ya'know?
Hmm... when she throws the pocketknife, is it open O.o? if it is that would be bad...
"her family was pro tennis players"
Grammar, might want to make that "her family was made up of pro tennis players."
Once again, descriptive with the expressions in the conversation, good job with that, it helps the reader a lot.
beeping guns and people sayin' bajesus... this story has it all :)
Interesting, and you set a decently laid cliffhanger at the end to get people to come back, good job.
Hope to read more soon,
D.A.
(Previously known as Achronite whom was previously known as Destroying Angel of whom has usually had Achronite as his alias for a while.)
4/3/2004 c2 3Pont
whoo ho! good start! kinda predictable, but meh, very well done. One little thing; we have no descriptions whatsoever, as to what they're in; is it a spaceship, on earth, or underground? what's it look like? all brushed metal and chrome? earthen ceilings?
what do the characters look like? hair, eyes, aura, tallness?
other than the descriptions, very well done. Congrats. I'll be following this!
3Pontwhoo ho! good start! kinda predictable, but meh, very well done. One little thing; we have no descriptions whatsoever, as to what they're in; is it a spaceship, on earth, or underground? what's it look like? all brushed metal and chrome? earthen ceilings?
what do the characters look like? hair, eyes, aura, tallness?
other than the descriptions, very well done. Congrats. I'll be following this!
4/3/2004 c2 PC
I believe in a higher power... kind of. How come they don't know about their past? GO KITARA! She got what she wanted and she told that idiot off! What's a pushover... I wonder? Great chapter. Update soon.
I believe in a higher power... kind of. How come they don't know about their past? GO KITARA! She got what she wanted and she told that idiot off! What's a pushover... I wonder? Great chapter. Update soon.
4/3/2004 c2 PC
I believe in a higher power... kind of. How come they don't know about their past? GO KITARA! She got what she wanted and she told that idiot off! What's a pushover... I wonder? Great chapter. Update soon.
I believe in a higher power... kind of. How come they don't know about their past? GO KITARA! She got what she wanted and she told that idiot off! What's a pushover... I wonder? Great chapter. Update soon.
4/3/2004 c1 PC
What the heck is superfluous? This chapter was okay... I guess. I hope that it tells about the war between the humans and us aliums. Mwahahaha. That'd be interesting. Especially if it's kind of like the Return of the Manslayer.
What the heck is superfluous? This chapter was okay... I guess. I hope that it tells about the war between the humans and us aliums. Mwahahaha. That'd be interesting. Especially if it's kind of like the Return of the Manslayer.
4/3/2004 c2 2LaDiNi
Battle Angel? She's the battle angel? could have gotten a more original name. I think you've shown the profecy to soon, it would have probably looked better later on. But that's just my opinion. This seems a pretty interesting fic, I'm definilty wondering why they are at war and what do her ancerstors have of so special ^^.
2LaDiNiBattle Angel? She's the battle angel? could have gotten a more original name. I think you've shown the profecy to soon, it would have probably looked better later on. But that's just my opinion. This seems a pretty interesting fic, I'm definilty wondering why they are at war and what do her ancerstors have of so special ^^.
4/2/2004 c1 5Destroying Angel
Please dont bite my freakin' head off like the last two people I've reviewed...
Might wanna call this a prologue, it would make a good prologue, rather than a chapter.
Not all believe in a "Higher Power" so you might wanna tweak that a bit.
Overall, excellent read, It would be nice to see where this story is going and I'm most definitley gonna keep tabs on it.
Once again, please dont bite my head off ^_^
5Destroying AngelPlease dont bite my freakin' head off like the last two people I've reviewed...
Might wanna call this a prologue, it would make a good prologue, rather than a chapter.
Not all believe in a "Higher Power" so you might wanna tweak that a bit.
Overall, excellent read, It would be nice to see where this story is going and I'm most definitley gonna keep tabs on it.
Once again, please dont bite my head off ^_^