for Yesterday's Mistakes5/11/2005 c3 Mizu-Yoru-Tsuki
wah, she lost! well, the guy she lost to is kinda funny!...i'm slowly reading through these chappies... there's so many @.@
wah, she lost! well, the guy she lost to is kinda funny!...i'm slowly reading through these chappies... there's so many @.@
5/7/2005 c1 Mizu-Yoru-Tsuki
i know it's complete and I'm reviewing the first chapter, but i can't read all this at once... if only i had found this story before it was finished... it's okay though; it may be long, but i'll find time to read it. it seems interesting!
i know it's complete and I'm reviewing the first chapter, but i can't read all this at once... if only i had found this story before it was finished... it's okay though; it may be long, but i'll find time to read it. it seems interesting!
11/27/2004 c1 Ephemeral Seraphim
I think that this is an interesting enough beginning. The method that you've used to introduce the character was a little odd for me, because I'm used to having histories and characterizations are revealed subtly through the narrative. However, I'm not saying that this is necessarily bad, I was just a little confused. You have this chapter labeled as Chapter 1. I think that this chapter actually sounds more like a prologue to me, but this is only a suggestion. However, I do applaud you for your efforts, because I believe that first person narratives are harder to write than third person narratives (some people would object to that, but I'm not used to the first person style as much as the third person). In first person, the characterization is easier to introduce, but the descriptions are a little harder. I've noticed that you don't have a lot of detail in this writing, which is understandable because this is in a different style. Now, I can't say anything about the character, Tomorrow yet, because this is only an introduction. But based from the things that I know right now, I think that she is an intriguing character. As for the overall narrative so far, it's rather lacking in detail (please forgive me, because I'm used to reading a lot of detailed works, such as still2twisted on this site) but then some people would debate that stories with a whole bunch of detail limits the imagination. I can understand their point of view, because if you have paragraphs short and crisp on detail, it allows the reader to invent most of the story themselves, such as the little details in-between the narrative. Then maybe it's the character's personality not to be as focused on the details and that she is more emotionally-oriented. Personally, if you ask me, I like a more balanced narrative that includes action and description. Too much of both leads to a rather shallow story and it will bore the reader out of their minds. I understand that you've been typing this for the previous year, and I think that this is an admirable piece of work. Have you ever considered about turning it into a book? I would try to get published, although I never seem to get around to finishing my stories (or chapters). So I also applaud you for your effort and determination on completing this story. If you do want to make this into a book, I would suggest giving it to an editor first, and then probably find an agent. Anyway, putting constructive criticism aside, I think that the main character's voice is well-developed, and I'm curious to know what else happens. There isn't any spelling or grammatical errors that I see, and I have to say I enjoyed this, even though this isn't exactly my cup of tea. But despite this, you've interested me anyway. I'll try to keep an eye on this piece. I think it shows promise.
Au revoir.
chibichocobo
I think that this is an interesting enough beginning. The method that you've used to introduce the character was a little odd for me, because I'm used to having histories and characterizations are revealed subtly through the narrative. However, I'm not saying that this is necessarily bad, I was just a little confused. You have this chapter labeled as Chapter 1. I think that this chapter actually sounds more like a prologue to me, but this is only a suggestion. However, I do applaud you for your efforts, because I believe that first person narratives are harder to write than third person narratives (some people would object to that, but I'm not used to the first person style as much as the third person). In first person, the characterization is easier to introduce, but the descriptions are a little harder. I've noticed that you don't have a lot of detail in this writing, which is understandable because this is in a different style. Now, I can't say anything about the character, Tomorrow yet, because this is only an introduction. But based from the things that I know right now, I think that she is an intriguing character. As for the overall narrative so far, it's rather lacking in detail (please forgive me, because I'm used to reading a lot of detailed works, such as still2twisted on this site) but then some people would debate that stories with a whole bunch of detail limits the imagination. I can understand their point of view, because if you have paragraphs short and crisp on detail, it allows the reader to invent most of the story themselves, such as the little details in-between the narrative. Then maybe it's the character's personality not to be as focused on the details and that she is more emotionally-oriented. Personally, if you ask me, I like a more balanced narrative that includes action and description. Too much of both leads to a rather shallow story and it will bore the reader out of their minds. I understand that you've been typing this for the previous year, and I think that this is an admirable piece of work. Have you ever considered about turning it into a book? I would try to get published, although I never seem to get around to finishing my stories (or chapters). So I also applaud you for your effort and determination on completing this story. If you do want to make this into a book, I would suggest giving it to an editor first, and then probably find an agent. Anyway, putting constructive criticism aside, I think that the main character's voice is well-developed, and I'm curious to know what else happens. There isn't any spelling or grammatical errors that I see, and I have to say I enjoyed this, even though this isn't exactly my cup of tea. But despite this, you've interested me anyway. I'll try to keep an eye on this piece. I think it shows promise.
Au revoir.
chibichocobo
8/7/2004 c1 
7Alareic
Hey! This is really good! I can't read now, but i'll review later!
-Alareic-
PS. I've got another story you might wanna check out, The Third Day. ciao!
7AlareicHey! This is really good! I can't read now, but i'll review later!
-Alareic-
PS. I've got another story you might wanna check out, The Third Day. ciao!
7/31/2004 c25 teoh
ive been happily lingering over this story for about a month now, and its beautiful! wonderful! yu can so imagine the anime scene in yur head, when they knock each other and do all these stupid things...and the intense bits with the wind blowing leaves around...oh this story is FANTABULOUS! i only recently got this account, so i can give you a proper review! whe whut a beautiful story ^^
ive been happily lingering over this story for about a month now, and its beautiful! wonderful! yu can so imagine the anime scene in yur head, when they knock each other and do all these stupid things...and the intense bits with the wind blowing leaves around...oh this story is FANTABULOUS! i only recently got this account, so i can give you a proper review! whe whut a beautiful story ^^
7/30/2004 c11 kamui-kun
Ah! I finally read Neil Gaiman's Stardust and I see that he and you have some similarities with him. That's good! Stardust was one of my favorite books and I see a great similarity between that and this one in terms of structure and writing style! Once again, the dialogue was beautiful and the interaction between all the characters was funny and outright enjoyable. Keep it up!
Anyway, once again you've intrigued me with a new character added to the whole mix. Shenuyu's really quite an interesting fella. Although I think he's another one of those power hungry swordsman that want a piece of Tomorrow's swordfighting style, I feel that he's the most dangerous man yet. I feel that they'll have a hard time against this particular challenger.
And I think that Rapier and Naru were smart to run away instead of challenge the man right then and there. Maybe the man was that famous assassin that had been roaming around and had been mentioned in those rumours? Anyway, I still think that things would be interesting with him close around. The group should really be careful now more than ever.
Haha! Did Rapier have to exaggerate everything? Anyway, that little overhype just shows how much worried swordboy is. And I don't think avoiding a confrontation with the man is a possible alternative. Battle is brewing and I believe it would be a big one.
Great work! Keep on writing!
Ah! I finally read Neil Gaiman's Stardust and I see that he and you have some similarities with him. That's good! Stardust was one of my favorite books and I see a great similarity between that and this one in terms of structure and writing style! Once again, the dialogue was beautiful and the interaction between all the characters was funny and outright enjoyable. Keep it up!
Anyway, once again you've intrigued me with a new character added to the whole mix. Shenuyu's really quite an interesting fella. Although I think he's another one of those power hungry swordsman that want a piece of Tomorrow's swordfighting style, I feel that he's the most dangerous man yet. I feel that they'll have a hard time against this particular challenger.
And I think that Rapier and Naru were smart to run away instead of challenge the man right then and there. Maybe the man was that famous assassin that had been roaming around and had been mentioned in those rumours? Anyway, I still think that things would be interesting with him close around. The group should really be careful now more than ever.
Haha! Did Rapier have to exaggerate everything? Anyway, that little overhype just shows how much worried swordboy is. And I don't think avoiding a confrontation with the man is a possible alternative. Battle is brewing and I believe it would be a big one.
Great work! Keep on writing!
7/26/2004 c1 Healing Rain
One INSANELY late review, but oh well.
Love this, I stayed up till like one o clock in the morning just reading it. :x.
One INSANELY late review, but oh well.
Love this, I stayed up till like one o clock in the morning just reading it. :x.
7/25/2004 c10 kamui-kun
Yey! So everything has returned to normal... well... if you could describe their way of life like that. =) Good thing that even if the truth has been revealed, it had not affected their way of life. The group's still intact and the bond seems stronger than ever. Hm... wonder what happened to that Li Rosomething guy...
Hm... this assassination news is quite interesting... and I suspect that it goes far beyond just being everyday gossip. Hm... wonder when the assassins and Tommorow's group would cross paths. Maybe in the next few chapters?
Ha! Rapier's getting pretty overprotective of Tomorrow lately. More points for him at that. I guess the two's really made up for each other... and I see now that Naru's not really the third wheel character that I was expecting. Anyway, I do hope that Rapier would live up to his word of not letting anything bad happen to Tomorrow.
Naru... I think I finally get what this character's role is. He's the bishounen best friend/closest companion/guide fella, right? He's supposed to give out the advice and point out the truth and the facts about certain situations, just like what he did when he said everyone loves Tomorrow. Cool guy. I guess he deserves someone else besides Tomorrow. =)
Good chapter. Nice character development. Try to read another one when I have spare time.
Yey! So everything has returned to normal... well... if you could describe their way of life like that. =) Good thing that even if the truth has been revealed, it had not affected their way of life. The group's still intact and the bond seems stronger than ever. Hm... wonder what happened to that Li Rosomething guy...
Hm... this assassination news is quite interesting... and I suspect that it goes far beyond just being everyday gossip. Hm... wonder when the assassins and Tommorow's group would cross paths. Maybe in the next few chapters?
Ha! Rapier's getting pretty overprotective of Tomorrow lately. More points for him at that. I guess the two's really made up for each other... and I see now that Naru's not really the third wheel character that I was expecting. Anyway, I do hope that Rapier would live up to his word of not letting anything bad happen to Tomorrow.
Naru... I think I finally get what this character's role is. He's the bishounen best friend/closest companion/guide fella, right? He's supposed to give out the advice and point out the truth and the facts about certain situations, just like what he did when he said everyone loves Tomorrow. Cool guy. I guess he deserves someone else besides Tomorrow. =)
Good chapter. Nice character development. Try to read another one when I have spare time.
7/22/2004 c25 11forbiddenfantasy
Wow. That was brilliant! Even tho its not completely complete *must read sequel* I'd love to see this turn into a manga!If u ever need help with anything in that, i'm up for it, even, tho i know nuthing about html, but um, i can draw,...do u have pics of the gang i could use as fanart reference?
Making rapier blind, made him seem suddenly more mature, kinda like, a transition from non serious sano to battousai... yesh Rk is my fave anime of all times too!
He seemed solemn, but beautiful at that, and i hope that you'd let rapier keep his hair open more often! It makes a very good mental picture! ^_~
=P
All in all, the story was a treat to read. Havent read a samurai fic in a long time, and i love the fact i stumbled upon it! ^_^ Ja ne!
11forbiddenfantasyWow. That was brilliant! Even tho its not completely complete *must read sequel* I'd love to see this turn into a manga!If u ever need help with anything in that, i'm up for it, even, tho i know nuthing about html, but um, i can draw,...do u have pics of the gang i could use as fanart reference?
Making rapier blind, made him seem suddenly more mature, kinda like, a transition from non serious sano to battousai... yesh Rk is my fave anime of all times too!
He seemed solemn, but beautiful at that, and i hope that you'd let rapier keep his hair open more often! It makes a very good mental picture! ^_~
=P
All in all, the story was a treat to read. Havent read a samurai fic in a long time, and i love the fact i stumbled upon it! ^_^ Ja ne!
7/21/2004 c9 kamui-kun
Woa! Extremely mushy stuff! =) Hahaha! Oh my these children grow up so fast nowadays. Just makes me happy that even through the greatest of adversities Rapier's feelings for Tomorrow has still not changed. And I guess Tomorrow's feelings for sword boy have also been revealed as well. Nice and very sweet chapter!
Rapier scores big points in this chapter with that little speech of his on how he couldn't even think of killing Tomorrow. His reason's kinda freaky - an old man would die anyway but a young girl wouldn't - but I guess that's all right with Tomorrow since she seemed to have responded to it. Whatta! Did they kiss? I guess they did. Not exactly shown but implied, right? Nice work.
Hm... Doesn't Naru have any say in this. Haha! I thought he was the third wheel but I guess he's just a good, helpful, male friend. He's really being overshadowed by Rapier boy in the love department. I wonder if he and Tomorrow would ever have a sweet moment together... or if he's reserved for someone else.
Good chapter! Sweet and kind - a good change of pace from the violent, action filled chapters of the past. Keep it up!
Woa! Extremely mushy stuff! =) Hahaha! Oh my these children grow up so fast nowadays. Just makes me happy that even through the greatest of adversities Rapier's feelings for Tomorrow has still not changed. And I guess Tomorrow's feelings for sword boy have also been revealed as well. Nice and very sweet chapter!
Rapier scores big points in this chapter with that little speech of his on how he couldn't even think of killing Tomorrow. His reason's kinda freaky - an old man would die anyway but a young girl wouldn't - but I guess that's all right with Tomorrow since she seemed to have responded to it. Whatta! Did they kiss? I guess they did. Not exactly shown but implied, right? Nice work.
Hm... Doesn't Naru have any say in this. Haha! I thought he was the third wheel but I guess he's just a good, helpful, male friend. He's really being overshadowed by Rapier boy in the love department. I wonder if he and Tomorrow would ever have a sweet moment together... or if he's reserved for someone else.
Good chapter! Sweet and kind - a good change of pace from the violent, action filled chapters of the past. Keep it up!
7/18/2004 c25 gnomemushroom
i love this story! please continue! you're such a good writer ^-^
i love this story! please continue! you're such a good writer ^-^
7/16/2004 c8 kamui-kun
Whoa! History time! I love these types of chapters! It just gives great insight into why things are right now. Just like what I said I found this chapter quite interesting! Some questions have been solved and yet others seem to have blossomed out of them. And a new interesting twist was added in the end as well.
First of all, the concept of a legendary swordstyle that is passed down not through constant training but either by succession or by losing was quite interesting and unique. That's something new in this story that I haven't read much in other samurai fics here on FP. Props to you for that!
Sorry, but I was a bit overwhelmed by Xiou's narration. Too much info for me but I think I got the concept. Basically, Tomorrow wasn't the real owner of the style and now she has to return it to its rightful owner.
The question now is would Rapier be brave enough to take it back? The two seemed to have developed quite a unique and strong relationship with each other that I just couldn't imagine them fighting one another. Hm... I wonder what's going on in Rapier's mind?
Good twist! Love the story and I would continue to read it!
Whoa! History time! I love these types of chapters! It just gives great insight into why things are right now. Just like what I said I found this chapter quite interesting! Some questions have been solved and yet others seem to have blossomed out of them. And a new interesting twist was added in the end as well.
First of all, the concept of a legendary swordstyle that is passed down not through constant training but either by succession or by losing was quite interesting and unique. That's something new in this story that I haven't read much in other samurai fics here on FP. Props to you for that!
Sorry, but I was a bit overwhelmed by Xiou's narration. Too much info for me but I think I got the concept. Basically, Tomorrow wasn't the real owner of the style and now she has to return it to its rightful owner.
The question now is would Rapier be brave enough to take it back? The two seemed to have developed quite a unique and strong relationship with each other that I just couldn't imagine them fighting one another. Hm... I wonder what's going on in Rapier's mind?
Good twist! Love the story and I would continue to read it!
7/14/2004 c22 Andrea
It was so sad *sobs*. How could you do that to Rapier? But*wipes eyes* I totally think you should do the online comic
It was so sad *sobs*. How could you do that to Rapier? But*wipes eyes* I totally think you should do the online comic
7/13/2004 c7 kamui-kun
Oh, so Roraru wasn't that good at all (an wasn't that weak in the first place). This was a whole new twist. With all that groveling and stuff I thought he was just there for comic relief. I guess... once more... that I was dead wrong. I don't like him that much anymore, he has no sense of honor and I hate people like that!
Well... I guess Rapier does live up to his name as Sword Boy. Excellent fight scene right there where he just manhandled Roraru's troops. I don't care what Roraru says about tiring him out. That was one great display of skills! I give him props for that!
Hm... I wish that Naru and Xiou made their presences more felt, however. Hmm... kinda wondering if they're swordsmen in the first place. Besides, how come Xiou wasn't in all those fighting? Was he doing something else? I dunno...
And what's this whole mystery about Tomorrow's parents! Well... in case your wondering, I never thought that it has anything to do with them. Ha! Maybe because this was under Humor/Romance that I underestimated the story. Well... now I'm paying the price.
Great chapter and great ending! That's a nasty teaser you got there! I bet it made people go wild! =) Try to read the next one soon!
Oh, so Roraru wasn't that good at all (an wasn't that weak in the first place). This was a whole new twist. With all that groveling and stuff I thought he was just there for comic relief. I guess... once more... that I was dead wrong. I don't like him that much anymore, he has no sense of honor and I hate people like that!
Well... I guess Rapier does live up to his name as Sword Boy. Excellent fight scene right there where he just manhandled Roraru's troops. I don't care what Roraru says about tiring him out. That was one great display of skills! I give him props for that!
Hm... I wish that Naru and Xiou made their presences more felt, however. Hmm... kinda wondering if they're swordsmen in the first place. Besides, how come Xiou wasn't in all those fighting? Was he doing something else? I dunno...
And what's this whole mystery about Tomorrow's parents! Well... in case your wondering, I never thought that it has anything to do with them. Ha! Maybe because this was under Humor/Romance that I underestimated the story. Well... now I'm paying the price.
Great chapter and great ending! That's a nasty teaser you got there! I bet it made people go wild! =) Try to read the next one soon!