for Wanderer5/6/2004 c5 
11Earthsong12
Hey this is great! The story is getting very interesting...umm I mean more interesting, you know. It was interesting before too! OK, anyway, the only thing I would say is make it clearer where you switch between Mayaku and Takao. Maybe put ~s, or something, just so we know you're talking about different people here. Other than that, great job! I can't wait to see what happens next.
11Earthsong12Hey this is great! The story is getting very interesting...umm I mean more interesting, you know. It was interesting before too! OK, anyway, the only thing I would say is make it clearer where you switch between Mayaku and Takao. Maybe put ~s, or something, just so we know you're talking about different people here. Other than that, great job! I can't wait to see what happens next.
5/4/2004 c5 AMANDA WELL THIS ISNT ACTUALLY MY NAME BUT IM AFRAID THE MAFIA WILL FIND ME IF I PUT MY DETAILS
Battle Scene
Our eyes met. Hatred flared behind them. We duelled
Strike. Warm piercing blood trickled from my shoulder. Plunge. Swipe. Dodge. Blow to face. Blood rushed from the slash on my cheek, the skin flapping uselessly on every movement.
“Give up you fool, you’re not going to defeat me. Give in and I may spare you life."
I spat at him. Blood splattered on the ground. “You said to the death, and so we duel on.”
Lunge. STRIKE. Warm blood spilled onto my sword and down to my hand. He is dead! I have conquered! Why do I not feel triumph? Blood. Pain. Nausea. Spinning.
We collapse simultainously. My vision, slowly blurring, sees his last breath taken before I too surcome to his fate. I roll onto my back, pull out his sword and take one last look at the sky.
…
Its not that good but it is a suggestion
I wont be offended if you think this is crap.
Battle Scene
Our eyes met. Hatred flared behind them. We duelled
Strike. Warm piercing blood trickled from my shoulder. Plunge. Swipe. Dodge. Blow to face. Blood rushed from the slash on my cheek, the skin flapping uselessly on every movement.
“Give up you fool, you’re not going to defeat me. Give in and I may spare you life."
I spat at him. Blood splattered on the ground. “You said to the death, and so we duel on.”
Lunge. STRIKE. Warm blood spilled onto my sword and down to my hand. He is dead! I have conquered! Why do I not feel triumph? Blood. Pain. Nausea. Spinning.
We collapse simultainously. My vision, slowly blurring, sees his last breath taken before I too surcome to his fate. I roll onto my back, pull out his sword and take one last look at the sky.
…
Its not that good but it is a suggestion
I wont be offended if you think this is crap.
4/6/2004 c4 Josef Von Perriwinkle
Vill ye continue?
Ye better! *shakes fist in a very piratey way*
Arh... ye must review my fics...
Vill ye continue?
Ye better! *shakes fist in a very piratey way*
Arh... ye must review my fics...
4/5/2004 c4 Earthsong12
Yay, good story! I like the description here and there. Can't wait to find out what happens next!
Yay, good story! I like the description here and there. Can't wait to find out what happens next!