for Bleeding Lily9/12/2005 c4 Rokhaya
Yay, Cookies! This is a good story, why haven't you updated? Personally I think it wouldn't work out to well if Tala did fall in love with her captor...
Yay, Cookies! This is a good story, why haven't you updated? Personally I think it wouldn't work out to well if Tala did fall in love with her captor...
9/8/2005 c4 
133Dying Rose
I like this story a lot! It is very interesting and I really liked the last chapter. You're a good writer. I kinda noticed you hadn't updated in forever...Did you just not like it or something? I want to know why the vampire wants Tala so bad...He's a little weird for a vampire! LOL. Yeah, i think you should have Tala hate his guts for a while and then fall for him. Hehe
133Dying RoseI like this story a lot! It is very interesting and I really liked the last chapter. You're a good writer. I kinda noticed you hadn't updated in forever...Did you just not like it or something? I want to know why the vampire wants Tala so bad...He's a little weird for a vampire! LOL. Yeah, i think you should have Tala hate his guts for a while and then fall for him. Hehe
7/1/2004 c4 Dax
Name her captor David. hehe. She could kill her captor and get out.
Name her captor David. hehe. She could kill her captor and get out.
6/22/2004 c4 37Lilyoftheflames
Hm...*munch munch*...a name...Toryu! hehe *munch munch* these are really good! Well, falling in love doesn't sound half bad but she has to get past rude and sarcastic! hehe Wel, I enjoyed that little chappie! Update soon!
37LilyoftheflamesHm...*munch munch*...a name...Toryu! hehe *munch munch* these are really good! Well, falling in love doesn't sound half bad but she has to get past rude and sarcastic! hehe Wel, I enjoyed that little chappie! Update soon!
6/22/2004 c4 7Moonlight Silver Wolf
I always liked the name Tristan. You could use that. I think falling in love with her captor is a good idea. Maybe He could have been looking for her for a long time as her needs to find his soul mate or something like that. If vampires have souls. I don't know. If you need any help feel free to bounce Ideas off me. My E-mail is . I really like this story and I am looking forward to more. :)
7Moonlight Silver WolfI always liked the name Tristan. You could use that. I think falling in love with her captor is a good idea. Maybe He could have been looking for her for a long time as her needs to find his soul mate or something like that. If vampires have souls. I don't know. If you need any help feel free to bounce Ideas off me. My E-mail is . I really like this story and I am looking forward to more. :)
4/22/2004 c3 7Moonlight Silver Wolf
o update soon. this is a cool story. I love vampires and werewolves. :)
7Moonlight Silver Wolfo update soon. this is a cool story. I love vampires and werewolves. :)
4/22/2004 c3 Sidious Sam
No need to mention that she can't shapeshift to wolf, this is assumed due to the silver. Reader isn't stupid.
"Seven short Months" get rid of the "short" When did you ever hear somebody say this outside of a play or a speech?
Quote:
"Just...I don't know! Because you're insane!"
End Quote:
The use of the word "because" doesn't work in the context givin I think. If he had said "Why would I have gone..."
then it would work better. So either alter Tala's reply or add why to the vampire's question.
I don't see the point of using the Vampires thoughts in this chapter at the end. Ruins the flow if you know what I mean and it gives away a little to much info about why Tala has been kidnapped.
Oh well, still interesting and that's what matters.
Sam.
PS Good luck with that test :P
No need to mention that she can't shapeshift to wolf, this is assumed due to the silver. Reader isn't stupid.
"Seven short Months" get rid of the "short" When did you ever hear somebody say this outside of a play or a speech?
Quote:
"Just...I don't know! Because you're insane!"
End Quote:
The use of the word "because" doesn't work in the context givin I think. If he had said "Why would I have gone..."
then it would work better. So either alter Tala's reply or add why to the vampire's question.
I don't see the point of using the Vampires thoughts in this chapter at the end. Ruins the flow if you know what I mean and it gives away a little to much info about why Tala has been kidnapped.
Oh well, still interesting and that's what matters.
Sam.
PS Good luck with that test :P
4/22/2004 c2 Sidious Sam
You seem to state that all vampires are male at the start of this chapter.
To clarify;
Vampires, the male ones, are also known as incubus, beings that live off the sexual energy as well as the life force of their prey, male or female, although, I presume due to social attitudes towards homosexuality, older Vampiric legends tell of the male Vampire feeding off women exclusively.
Female Vampires are also known as Succubus. Essentially the same as Male Vampires, however, a succubus was also considered to be an incorporial spirit that fed off sexual energy almost exclusively.
Yeah yeah, I'm rambling, I do that when I'm tired :P Just random info for you :P Anyway, on with the review...
Why do most vampires, in the post I read here, need to flash their fangs? It's a little melodramatic.
Me thinks you are way over using the word Psycho. Try to find a few other words.
Still I'm finding it interesting.
Keep up the good work
Sam.
You seem to state that all vampires are male at the start of this chapter.
To clarify;
Vampires, the male ones, are also known as incubus, beings that live off the sexual energy as well as the life force of their prey, male or female, although, I presume due to social attitudes towards homosexuality, older Vampiric legends tell of the male Vampire feeding off women exclusively.
Female Vampires are also known as Succubus. Essentially the same as Male Vampires, however, a succubus was also considered to be an incorporial spirit that fed off sexual energy almost exclusively.
Yeah yeah, I'm rambling, I do that when I'm tired :P Just random info for you :P Anyway, on with the review...
Why do most vampires, in the post I read here, need to flash their fangs? It's a little melodramatic.
Me thinks you are way over using the word Psycho. Try to find a few other words.
Still I'm finding it interesting.
Keep up the good work
Sam.
4/22/2004 c1 Sidious Sam
Interesting interesting. Makes me quite curious.
I noticed that you went for the almost over used werewolf weakness, silver that is.
I dont see the point of the abductor telling the fuzzy, sorry werewolf, that she was decended from werewolves, it's just a little obvious. So no need to state it, even as explaination for the injection of silver. It's a little redundent.
On top of this, a few legends also state that Vampires are alergic to silver, violently so, almost to the same extent as fuzzies if not more so.
Intersting start though, but then I like fuzzies.
Sam.
Interesting interesting. Makes me quite curious.
I noticed that you went for the almost over used werewolf weakness, silver that is.
I dont see the point of the abductor telling the fuzzy, sorry werewolf, that she was decended from werewolves, it's just a little obvious. So no need to state it, even as explaination for the injection of silver. It's a little redundent.
On top of this, a few legends also state that Vampires are alergic to silver, violently so, almost to the same extent as fuzzies if not more so.
Intersting start though, but then I like fuzzies.
Sam.
4/21/2004 c3 37Lilyoftheflames
I like this story so far. That vampire is freaky! Find a person and then have an obsession over them! AAH! Okay I'm over it now :P I'm gonna be waiting for you to update soon! -ko
37LilyoftheflamesI like this story so far. That vampire is freaky! Find a person and then have an obsession over them! AAH! Okay I'm over it now :P I'm gonna be waiting for you to update soon! -ko