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8/28/2004 c1 3Stranger Than Fiction
I really really liked this one. Very nice. Good work.
8/5/2004 c1 10Cinaed Born Of Fire
Ooh. I'm Christian, but that was lovely. It's an interesting spin on the whole creation versus evolution battle. I really enjoyed this poem, especially the 'evolution, schools teach...around the throats of each' stanza. Well done!
~Cinaed
7/14/2004 c1 2Sides
Two sides are the answer
A battle wrapped in the feud
One is pleading, the other is too far
It says "screw it, no receeding"
Just in time he sheds some love and notifies the world - "Life is a journey with a purpose to find what you choose, you can only believe if you want to, if you listen and become very still"
7/2/2004 c1 66lebuffle
I consider myself Christian - not sure about the conservative bit, though.
Yeah - it's a very controversial topic and I like your concern, but the world isn't out to flame you just because you decide to dicuss something controversial. And if they do, be proud of it. Be proud that your work aroused such feelings in your readers - it means you've put your points across effectively, and ultimtely, affected them in doing so.
Improvements:
"No one has an answer.
And no one ever has." - maybe you meant 'and no one ever will have" or "no one ever had"?
I like your pairs of words at the end. That was effective to build up to the final question. However, "really" and "presently" at the last two lines don't fit, as 'really' isn't a synonym for 'Theologically', or an adjective to describe 'theology'. Theology can be 'really' good or 'really' real or 'really' a reality, but cannot just be 'really'. It occasionally means 'of reality' in older English language (I think I've heard it used in hymns), but this poem is written in modern English, therefore, as an adjective, it doesn't fit.
'Presently' - this word is a synonymn for 'curently' and the question of "Why are we here?" is not only a question currently asked, but has been asked since. . . a long time ago.
You have used many varying styles in one poem. Whilst it does not take to much away from the poem, it would also be good to try to keep a regular meter and rhyme scheme, rather than jumping between different forms too much.
I liked a lot of your different styles and techniques portrayed in the poem, however. A good stanza was:
"Evolution, schools teach.
Creation, pastors preach.
And theoretical hands reach
Around the throat of each.
The rhymes were very clever here to present the stanza as a single idea. It almost gave it an element of humour. Also, a nice metaphor used here.
Keep writing!
5/24/2004 c1 18Forever Foreign
whoa...really powerful...i really enjoyed reading this...your quite a poet...how about forgetting the eyes and going a review for a review?
5/2/2004 c1 31Lily Elise
We're here to...I don't know either. Oh well. some say to praise, others to live. wonderfully written as usual.
4/22/2004 c1 48Morcirith
If I had 8 thumbs, they'd all be up! And forget that PG-13 crap. The truth doesn't need to be restricted.
4/11/2004 c1 48Silent Laughter
We are here. that's all I know. ^^
I don't really know what to say without being offensive myself. ^^
~*~SL~*~
4/8/2004 c1 11ShadowOfAShadow
Dude, I like this one. Im commenting so you know Ive read everything! Im using this one to comment cause its my favorite
4/7/2004 c1 74LordK
Wow... deep. I liked that last line... It was nice. I liked that line about Life being an answer as well... that's powerful. Very interesting! Great stuff, again, no suprise there. Wow.
4/5/2004 c1 58floorcollision
i have a question for you-
why do i stay here when i'm asking the same question as you- and i've found that i feel so empty and meaningless.
it's a hollow coldness and i'm off to write about it-
but thank you for making me think about this-
love , your buddy, FC
4/5/2004 c1 89lalamushu
hm, yes. thought provoking, isn't it? great poem. i'm Catholic, and i hold no offense in this at all. great job!

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