for Sayden: The Legend5/26/2004 c4 
1A Chroi
Very intriguing. I like the monastery set-up; you portray it very well, and I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this. I liked how you put the little foot-note things; it really demonstrates the effort you put into creating this world. I think you tried hard, and it shows. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing too major. One hint...if you want to put ellipses (you know, the ...) in, and it won't show up as three periods, try putting a space after the word and between each period, i.e. "As this happened . . . a crack formed . . ." And when you upload the document, it shows up as three periods. I'm a little nitpicky, but that bothers me for some obscure reason. Overall, though, this is an excellent read with a strong background and believable characters. Keep it up, and update soon!
1A ChroiVery intriguing. I like the monastery set-up; you portray it very well, and I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this. I liked how you put the little foot-note things; it really demonstrates the effort you put into creating this world. I think you tried hard, and it shows. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing too major. One hint...if you want to put ellipses (you know, the ...) in, and it won't show up as three periods, try putting a space after the word and between each period, i.e. "As this happened . . . a crack formed . . ." And when you upload the document, it shows up as three periods. I'm a little nitpicky, but that bothers me for some obscure reason. Overall, though, this is an excellent read with a strong background and believable characters. Keep it up, and update soon!
4/14/2004 c3 A Chroi
Wow. This hit hard. The description was so vivid...I can't believe it. It's so macabre, but...I could see it. What happens to him? Why did he fail? Why is it so cold? Is that just death, or is it something more than that? I loved the POV of the crow; I've never seen it done before, and it really pleased me to see something new. Please update soon!
Wow. This hit hard. The description was so vivid...I can't believe it. It's so macabre, but...I could see it. What happens to him? Why did he fail? Why is it so cold? Is that just death, or is it something more than that? I loved the POV of the crow; I've never seen it done before, and it really pleased me to see something new. Please update soon!
4/6/2004 c2 A Chroi
This is rather unique, a blend of the fantastic and the scientific. However, it's an easily tolerable blend, which you don't get much anymore. I like the style, and the endnotes are evidence of the time you spend on this. This is very good, and I hope to see more soon.
This is rather unique, a blend of the fantastic and the scientific. However, it's an easily tolerable blend, which you don't get much anymore. I like the style, and the endnotes are evidence of the time you spend on this. This is very good, and I hope to see more soon.