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for Simple Crystals

4/24/2004 c1 Lynchy
This is pretty cool. I love the way you ended it with that line, simplistically after all that.
I'd give this 8/10.
4/13/2004 c1 GrungeIsDead
4/9/2004 c1 35booforever
it's a very good story. the shift between the first two paragraphs and the rest of the story is a little awkward though. the extremity of wanting to commit suicide and then something as simple as making it to a gas station, as her salvation, doesn't mix that well in my mind. you don't really clarify how suicidal she is. i think it would have been better to show her as just a "casual" suicide thinker or a severely desperate one. if she had been anyone of those, something so trite as gas getting would make more sense as a means of saving her. right now, the character is just floating in between those.
you have a few grammatical errors but nothing big. is ginormous a real word though?
besides all that. i have two questions. a) you avoided stating the narrator's gender, is there a reason for this? i thought of the narrator as a her. b) what's the significance of the title? is it the stars?
4/9/2004 c1 1saskiamt
This is good stuff, although it sometimes reads a little rough in places, maybe you could revise it once more? I liked the way it made me think. Maybe you could explain more how bad she felt, before the 'gas miracle'. These are just suggestions, I'm not sure what's "wrong" with the story, what makes it read rough. Maybe another critiquer knows. But keep on writing, this is good!

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