Just In
for The Mists of Dawn

5/1/2004 c1 11Earthsong12
This is great! You were writing like this in seventhe grade? Wow, I’m impressed! I love the description in this-I really feel like I’m standing there on the beach myself. I only have a few criticisms:
paragraph one: ”lone” and ”lonely” sound a bit funny this close together...on second thought, I can’t think of a better way to say it, so whatever. It’s fine how it is.
paragraph two, sentence five: semicolon after dunes.
last sentence: “Their cries...to be swept away“ is funny. I think you want ”are swept away”.
Thank you tons for all your reviews! Have a...hmm. Here, have an eraser! *hands over an eraser* About The Quest, the reason it sounds young at first is I started it two years ago, then put it aside. I only came back to it a little bit ago.
Wow, I think this is the first serious review I’ve given you! Hope you don;t mind. Oh, and thanks for the cookie and the staple. What happened to the paperclip? Just wondering. ^_^
4/19/2004 c1 19freethephoenix
Oh so pretty... makes me think of summer time and popcicles. *happy sigh* I like your diction, wonderful phrasing and the way you made sounds while sparingly using onomatopoeia. Nice work, one of your best ever. It's Poetry in Prose. :)
4/11/2004 c1 219Matthew James Current
An impressive and very well-written piece. Complements on your excellent snapshot of the ocean. I really enjoyed reading it!
4/9/2004 c1 Josef Von Perriwinkle
Oh! I did something like this in Yr 7 too! Except mine was on Zelda... ohh... Link is such a hot bishie... *drools over Link's chibi GBC form* :P

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