for Armaggedon?4/28/2005 c1 
7Charlie Wilcox
you've got some issues...but your a good girl/boy, whatever it is...i'm 2 lazy 2 read profiles. give me a call:
7Charlie Wilcoxyou've got some issues...but your a good girl/boy, whatever it is...i'm 2 lazy 2 read profiles. give me a call:
12/31/2004 c10 WOWnot
hey ur tale armagedden attracted me at first because of the illogical idea that an age detecting impact kills only the ppl under 12 and the old ppl- i can relate to u coz i come up with crazy ideas such as urself with no scientific reasoning but hey ur story is quite good in an amatuerish flimsy kind of way. However after the 7th chpt i was just literally starting to sleep. To be honest i did not understand like 80% of itMy suggestion 4 u is to explain the terms clearly , give some more context of the bomb coz i dont really no wats going on and i think u wanted the teens to live in the story coz u wants teenish things to happen but i keep picturing the characters as 30 something year olds 4 some reason plus u should also describe wat the character looks like so i can get a mental picture of them in my headAnyhow ur writing is not bad- just dont make the long paragraphs although im no valid critique. Its just my personal point of view.
Now that i have given u a really long review i hope u will sit down and thing hard and long about ur mistakes ok... and try to make it better coz its no where near the horizon
i do admire the fact u r young and writing fantasy coz i no fantasy requires good imagination, and detailed descriptive writing to make the ppl know and feel the storyu should b proud u found a love 4 riting at a young age as u r keep it up
im starting to read the puppet king just so u r not disheartened that no one is reading ur creation so u can have motivation to soldier on and put pen to paper- i like fantasy and armagedon was a really nifty idea
so congratulations and start riting more...ok im off
hey ur tale armagedden attracted me at first because of the illogical idea that an age detecting impact kills only the ppl under 12 and the old ppl- i can relate to u coz i come up with crazy ideas such as urself with no scientific reasoning but hey ur story is quite good in an amatuerish flimsy kind of way. However after the 7th chpt i was just literally starting to sleep. To be honest i did not understand like 80% of itMy suggestion 4 u is to explain the terms clearly , give some more context of the bomb coz i dont really no wats going on and i think u wanted the teens to live in the story coz u wants teenish things to happen but i keep picturing the characters as 30 something year olds 4 some reason plus u should also describe wat the character looks like so i can get a mental picture of them in my headAnyhow ur writing is not bad- just dont make the long paragraphs although im no valid critique. Its just my personal point of view.
Now that i have given u a really long review i hope u will sit down and thing hard and long about ur mistakes ok... and try to make it better coz its no where near the horizon
i do admire the fact u r young and writing fantasy coz i no fantasy requires good imagination, and detailed descriptive writing to make the ppl know and feel the storyu should b proud u found a love 4 riting at a young age as u r keep it up
im starting to read the puppet king just so u r not disheartened that no one is reading ur creation so u can have motivation to soldier on and put pen to paper- i like fantasy and armagedon was a really nifty idea
so congratulations and start riting more...ok im off
10/25/2004 c3 31Mya von Dor
just thought I'd say that this line sounds a bit forced:
He must be in a whole lot of crap to double my fee, its very expensive, as it is, and he’d probably triple it if I asked him too...
but other than that, it's good! Interesting plot, I might add..
31Mya von Dorjust thought I'd say that this line sounds a bit forced:
He must be in a whole lot of crap to double my fee, its very expensive, as it is, and he’d probably triple it if I asked him too...
but other than that, it's good! Interesting plot, I might add..
10/25/2004 c2 Mya von Dor
you know, you talk about the history in great detail here, but you need to explain it more..maybe you do that later, I dunno, but there's a lot of confusing stuff in here..like where'd the telepathy come from? Did it happen before or after? What's the change? What happened after so many people died? Did the kids take over government? I'm a bit confused..
you know, you talk about the history in great detail here, but you need to explain it more..maybe you do that later, I dunno, but there's a lot of confusing stuff in here..like where'd the telepathy come from? Did it happen before or after? What's the change? What happened after so many people died? Did the kids take over government? I'm a bit confused..
9/24/2004 c1 i am cool dont argue
this story is absolute bull schniggers!
it is crap!
it is pure mold!
i havent read it ... but u want flame; i'd giv u a load of it.
i think u meant "constructive criticism" so get ure terminology right idiot
this story is absolute bull schniggers!
it is crap!
it is pure mold!
i havent read it ... but u want flame; i'd giv u a load of it.
i think u meant "constructive criticism" so get ure terminology right idiot
9/19/2004 c10 59Ixel the Pixel
This sounds really great, I can't wait to see what's so interesting that Ted's discovered... So don't keep me waiting forever and update as soon as possible! :) lol
59Ixel the PixelThis sounds really great, I can't wait to see what's so interesting that Ted's discovered... So don't keep me waiting forever and update as soon as possible! :) lol
8/30/2004 c9 pillowfighter
i'm liking how the story progresses so plz plz plz update!
but geebus, would you cut back on the humungous paragraphs!
i'm liking how the story progresses so plz plz plz update!
but geebus, would you cut back on the humungous paragraphs!
8/25/2004 c9 Ixel the Pixel
This is an AWESOME story! It's a really good cliffhanger and if you don't update, I shall be most displeased! lol, anyways, I just wanted to review to tell you that this story rocks and that I appreciate you reviewing my stuff. :)
This is an AWESOME story! It's a really good cliffhanger and if you don't update, I shall be most displeased! lol, anyways, I just wanted to review to tell you that this story rocks and that I appreciate you reviewing my stuff. :)
8/13/2004 c9 14biminator
much better. thank god you got rid of that crock of shit called "the last four chapters". thank you. anyway, the only problem was that you switched back and forth between "Mort" and "Max". Puck one. update soon.
14biminatormuch better. thank god you got rid of that crock of shit called "the last four chapters". thank you. anyway, the only problem was that you switched back and forth between "Mort" and "Max". Puck one. update soon.
8/9/2004 c1 el perro fantastico
how can i not flame this. i flame a lot of crap but the summary of this makes me want to kill someone. first one i look to is you. im not srious so dont report me. moving on. all the parents and people under twelve. why? any explanation besides your a crappy writer?
how can i not flame this. i flame a lot of crap but the summary of this makes me want to kill someone. first one i look to is you. im not srious so dont report me. moving on. all the parents and people under twelve. why? any explanation besides your a crappy writer?
7/27/2004 c12 biminator
this is getting a little weird with the "Drugs are bad!" and the alternate dimensions and such. put bluntly, it seems like you're writing a completely different story with characters with same names. you're losing the plot here, and it's sad frankly, because this was showing a lot of potential. I can't follow anything. you have to go back about four chapters or even five and get back to a plot that makes sense, or this will probably die a quiet death, never to be finished. that would be terribly unfortunate.
this is getting a little weird with the "Drugs are bad!" and the alternate dimensions and such. put bluntly, it seems like you're writing a completely different story with characters with same names. you're losing the plot here, and it's sad frankly, because this was showing a lot of potential. I can't follow anything. you have to go back about four chapters or even five and get back to a plot that makes sense, or this will probably die a quiet death, never to be finished. that would be terribly unfortunate.
7/23/2004 c8 3Larania Mahera
ah, so Mort is Max. I wonder what happened to his sis. Pour qoui does France need help to stay alive. Ah, well I guess i'll find out eventually.
3Larania Maheraah, so Mort is Max. I wonder what happened to his sis. Pour qoui does France need help to stay alive. Ah, well I guess i'll find out eventually.
7/23/2004 c7 Larania Mahera
ok, so Alexis wants to kill Max because she's in love with him. And yet it seems like she hates him at the same time. How confusing.
ok, so Alexis wants to kill Max because she's in love with him. And yet it seems like she hates him at the same time. How confusing.