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5/25/2004 c4 Spooni
Whoot! Characters! Huzzah! Someone to which we can relate!
5/25/2004 c4 11Earthsong12
Cool! Yay for an actual main character! ^_^ Gonna read the glossary now (but I probably won't review it) Good job so far!
5/24/2004 c3 Spooni
Whoa...whoa...
You just have to wonder, what local deity did they piss off? (please excuse the language if you find it offensive) I just...wow...unlucky to be them.
A bit short though. Oh well. Does that mean more later?
5/14/2004 c3 21Ancamna
I love this chapter! You finally have dialogue! ^_^ But, actually, it was good w/o it, too. I like what you named the site, hmm, sound familiar? ^_^ However, the last paragraph sounds like it stops in the middle. It's just starting to tell the story, so how about putting it first, then the dialogue. It'll still make sense; maybe more so. And you are going onmy favorite authors list. Now.
5/13/2004 c1 6Kinata
Hello! Thanks for the nice review! It made me so happy! I think the names that you gave everything are awesome, and I liked how you made everything seem distant. The only part that seemed to stand out was: "'Ugh," thought God. "Now we have to recreate the world again.'" Nice idea, but the way it was phrased seemed too out of place.
Note: Although my nice little story that you ever so kindly reviewed [fwe!] seemed "Happily-Ever After"-ish, it's just the begining. I can't really tell what's going to happen, so... I just have to say wait and see! MWA HA HA! XD
Tchus and auf wiedersehen.
-Kinata
5/8/2004 c3 11Earthsong12
Hmm, the 4 earths thing is sounding more and more likely...Yay for dialogue! Dialogue rocks! yah, keep up the good work. I have to go eat pizza now. ^_^
5/7/2004 c2 21Ancamna
Me like! Me like! ^_^
A few things. First, the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are confusing - it would be less confusing to give the countries names. But on second thought they're good this way, it seems like you meant it to be confusing.
Second, you say that the bomb was reinvented two times, in the second and fifth paragraphs. The second time seems redundant, so if you like the sentece, figure out another way to say it, maybe, 'that was when the bomb was invented' - or something to that effect.
Third, how can the people in the ship have kids if they're in deep sleep most of the time? Deep sleep sounds like it pauses time, but evidently not. Try to explain it more, like the idea that more than one person was on watch at a time or something. Expand on life in the ship.
That's it! I really liked this chapter! Remember when you asked us for a random number and that was when Earth had a nuclear war and blew up? It's scary to think that 2030 is only 26 years from now... ^_^
5/6/2004 c2 11Earthsong12
Cool! Hmm, I'm thinking you told me something about 4 earths...Did I give anything away? I hope not. Anyway, I might be misremembering. Nice name for the ship, New Hope. Yay! Also I've never met anyone named Ea...does it mean earth?
5/5/2004 c1 Spooni
Heyee! O.. I forgot to tell you! Did you know that Stephen Hawking's A Breif History of Time actually refutes the Big Bang theory, rather postulating that there is no real beginning or end to time? VERY intriguing...
^_^ That's all.
5/5/2004 c2 Spooni
It's an interesting story, very reminiscient of Judeo-Christian creation mythology. Interesting ideas, and I can see a good basis and history for whatever story is about to take place. In the second chapter, there is some confusion as to whether or not anyone knows about the people of "Second Earth." Obviously, the narrator knows, but the people of Earth don't? I don't know, I just had to go back and reread. Which is saying very much. ^_^ If you want the beginning to sound like a textbook, I suggest reading Bailey's American Pageant...ugh...anyway. I suggest introducing characters and dialogue or something soon, else the reader becomes uninterested becauset ehy have no one to connect to personally (as happens with textbooks).
Yay. And, as you suggested, I have read almost all Anne McCaffery I can get y hands on, as well as Irene Radford's tales of Kardia Hodos. ^_^ Just as you suggested to me. I've read a few Terry Pratchets, and would like to continue. If I might suggest, J. Gregory Keyes. His Children of the River might interest you ad aid in developement of your deities, and his Age of Unreason series is just fabulous. Also, Dennis L. McKiernan and his tales of Mithgar. Might also help with the deities thing.
^_^ Thanks for the review.
5/5/2004 c2 3Pont
Hm nice. Is this gonna develop into a story following a person? sounds like it. Good style... I like your way with explanations. It's intriguing.
~pont
5/5/2004 c1 Pont
O creation story. nice.
Me likes ^_^ Earthie you say? earthie is funny. @_@ there is a bug on my computer screen...
keep going! I like this story so far! Lotsa names...
~ponteh
4/25/2004 c1 Frank the Turkey
This is a very interesting story. I like how God seems to be lazy. I have one question. Why did it take so long for God to make (checks story) Adan? Why didn't he just look into the future to see how he did it? And why is Porr's name Porr? Shouldn't it be Purr? I mean, Porr makes it sound like she likes being a pitcher - not the baseball kind!
P.S. Do you know who I am? Ask Adina!
4/22/2004 c1 21Ancamna
Hi! First off, you don't accept anonymous reviews - just thought I'd tell you. I'd fix that if I were you - you'll get more reviews that way. Now,
line 8: you need a second dash after 'female companion'
Line something-or-other: like what Earthie said, change 'shapeshifters' or the words around it.
That's it, though. Very good! I really liked it! I love how you incorporated the Big Bang. And gee, I wonder where Sulyruin came from, hmm... ^_~ Also, where did you get the names of the planets (except for Venus), did you take properties of those planets and change them to elvish? (B/c I don't think the dictionary has names for the planets...) ^_^
4/20/2004 c1 11Earthsong12
Yay, very cool! One thing: third paragraph, it should be either ‘was a shapechanger’ or ’was of the shapechangers’. Where did you get the names for the planets from? They’re very cool. I would suggest changing your summary-you make it sound like a long boring history, not a creation myth. I’m sorry this review is so fractured; my head is stuffed so I can’t think straight. -_- Anyway, good job, hopefully there will be more soon!
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