for he sings with passion and clarity11/20/2004 c1 catseyeview
romantic...when one's soul is so filled with heartbreak, you can feel it as if its yourself.
romantic...when one's soul is so filled with heartbreak, you can feel it as if its yourself.
8/30/2004 c1 
30a e i o u and sometimes y
This is a great poem, but it would be even nicer if you went into more detail about the situation. Just a thought. And I really liked this.
30a e i o u and sometimes yThis is a great poem, but it would be even nicer if you went into more detail about the situation. Just a thought. And I really liked this.
4/21/2004 c1 32EveryNowAndThen
I always wonder where a lot of singer/songwriters get their inspiration. I'd like to see you go more indepth on this boy, though.
32EveryNowAndThenI always wonder where a lot of singer/songwriters get their inspiration. I'd like to see you go more indepth on this boy, though.
4/21/2004 c1 23suckerplucker
I have a few grammer-dealie notes.
1. instead of "he is genuine in a..." you might want to use "he is a genuine" this is just because "fake smiles and concern" are nouns, and for the sake of parallel construction, so should be the first part of the scentence.
2. "manually" i have an issue with your vocab choice here. Do you mean manually as in by hand? or manually with the connotation of long and hard labor? I guess they both work, but still, I think there are better words/phrases to fit here (one by one, laboriously, carefully, all of these come to mind)
As for content notes/questions:
1. What makes this singer genuine?
2. Would you rather he was never hurt? Would he not then never have become a songwriter, not having that hurt as a base for his writing?
3. What is this common hurt? Lack of luck in love, i'm guessing, but it would be good of you to fill the reader in.
4. Could it be that you're underestimating this singer? If he knows enough to heal himself with song, isn't this evidence enough that he is growing through adversity? Isn't he intelligent enough to know his own value?
5. What stops you from loving him?
Don't get me wrong by my questions, I really liked this poem, and I think that you definitely show writing talent here. I'd love to see you expand this further with more descriptive poetic language to compliment your current prosaic style.
zac
23suckerpluckerI have a few grammer-dealie notes.
1. instead of "he is genuine in a..." you might want to use "he is a genuine" this is just because "fake smiles and concern" are nouns, and for the sake of parallel construction, so should be the first part of the scentence.
2. "manually" i have an issue with your vocab choice here. Do you mean manually as in by hand? or manually with the connotation of long and hard labor? I guess they both work, but still, I think there are better words/phrases to fit here (one by one, laboriously, carefully, all of these come to mind)
As for content notes/questions:
1. What makes this singer genuine?
2. Would you rather he was never hurt? Would he not then never have become a songwriter, not having that hurt as a base for his writing?
3. What is this common hurt? Lack of luck in love, i'm guessing, but it would be good of you to fill the reader in.
4. Could it be that you're underestimating this singer? If he knows enough to heal himself with song, isn't this evidence enough that he is growing through adversity? Isn't he intelligent enough to know his own value?
5. What stops you from loving him?
Don't get me wrong by my questions, I really liked this poem, and I think that you definitely show writing talent here. I'd love to see you expand this further with more descriptive poetic language to compliment your current prosaic style.
zac