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7/1/2004 c4 7CommandoCody
This was an interesting yarn. The concept was novel—to me, at least—and I could follow along with what being said. Not too shabby.

From a technical standpoint, things could be better. Your formatting—both for overall "look" and punctuation forms—comes off a sloppy and makes the story-flow bumpy in places. Dialogue and character developments are also a little jerky, as are the point-of-view transitions. There are some editing points that I would change, but they're a matter of personal preference and so I won't bug you with them. Last but not least, you seem to be missing a sizable portion of your second chapter.

Good effort overall. This would clean up nicely.
6/10/2004 c4 albalop
I love this story. Very thought provoking.
4/23/2004 c1 kei shadow
this story is superb, albeit a little odd, but melikey. please update asap.

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