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for CRDP: Beginnings

8/26/2016 c9 Shiina
Ugh! Gunther is such an immature, ungrateful twat. He would've been a lab rat or dead if it wasn't for them. And what the hell? The members of the team didn't put anyway near as much effort into including Adir into the team when it was him who was the new guy. They were way more hostile and ignored him a lot.
8/26/2016 c8 Shiina
I don't understand why it's not a crime to lock up and experiment on someone without their permission? Obviously in this world people with abilities aren't considered monsters, not exactly. Discriminated against maybe, but they still have human rights. So why is this allowed? It doesn't make sense.
On this subject, I just want to point out that we don't know much about the world's view on those people; there isn't really much world building overall. It feels...blurry?
Also, the fact that there's nothing to indicate the change between scenes makes reading extremely confusing. Please don't think I'm trying to bash this story because I'm not. In fact I love it, those are just things that really bother me.
1/31/2016 c12 SlashLover
After completing this, I agree with other reviewers. This story has a ton of potential. I like the characters and the world you've created. I think a beta reader would help immensely.

Again, I found the use of the word "some" used lazily. He made *some* noise but no description of the nature of the noise. He did *something* without a description of that something.

All in all, though, very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing it.
1/31/2016 c9 SlashLover
I love the line, "No, here's where I tell you not to say stupid shit."

Good rule of life in general.
1/31/2016 c7 SlashLover
A couple of asterisks or dashes between scenes would be useful. There'd be less confusion when a new opening scene begins.
1/31/2016 c6 SlashLover
Good story, I like the characters.

There are a few typos and grammar and punctuation errors, but still quite readable. I would caution that there are a few moments where sentences seem oddly disjointed. In this chapter, there's a sentence that says along the lines of "X is doing this, x is doing this and Mercer and Archer are doing something. "

Given that Shen is nearly all-knowing with his abilities and he's got an especially strong link with Mercer, one would assume he knows what they're doing. The fact that the sentence was left as is reflects almost a laziness in writing. Even saying they were doing something boring like comparing case notes would have at least completed the sentence.
5/16/2014 c12 4rockspapersnscissors
Billy Bob?! Omg- You did not just do that! XD Lol, I really liked the story, though it could use some work... proofreading and plot wise! The most notable thing is the lack of consistency, but overall I like the idea of the story and think with some work it could be an awesome read!

11/15/2012 c12 Afan
The awesome characters of this fabulous story have grown on me and I am so happy there is will be more cases with them; can't wait to go on with them on their next exciting adventures...
8/30/2012 c12 GrimNight
Awesome story, Loved Adir's character the most!
4/28/2011 c12 2NormaJean Beausoleil
i really hope this is published one day. i would definitely buy it. great job. lovable characters and wonderful development and plot. thanks for sharing !
2/9/2011 c1 1Shjsj7732
I love this story!
6/19/2010 c12 2Iuno
I love Archer here-he's my ultimate man. I like the chemistry between Mercer and Shen, their personalities really suit each other. The love-hate relationship between Archer and Gun are amazing; I'm always inclined to love the second pairing more than the first, actually. Just one detail though, I don't think you ever mentioned Gun's hair color just his eyes which are blue. I'm just going to imagine it's silver.
5/9/2010 c12 Wren
You should continue this, it's a good idea. I love adir's distressed child act.
12/3/2009 c1 ayune01
nice story.

i cant wait to read more.

thank you for writing this.
11/29/2009 c12 pille-ip

I like the colourful characters. I love the quirks that they have and I enjoy reading something a bit different.

I would have liked to get to know the newer members a bit more and also the doc, but I guess it's something for the next books of CRDP :)

Keep up the good work!
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