for In the Darkness4/24/2005 c5 
9InSilverShadows
Very good, very good. I'm liking Galreth's attitude... sort of gruff but loving to his brother nonetheless. However, I am still behind Dalvir as my favorite character... tee hee. Otherwise, it's quite good, and I hope you take some of my advice and help to make this awesome story even better! I'm expecting more soon...
9InSilverShadowsVery good, very good. I'm liking Galreth's attitude... sort of gruff but loving to his brother nonetheless. However, I am still behind Dalvir as my favorite character... tee hee. Otherwise, it's quite good, and I hope you take some of my advice and help to make this awesome story even better! I'm expecting more soon...
4/24/2005 c4 InSilverShadows
I especially enjoyed how you made the brothers sort of bond in this chapter, whether you intended to or not. I am starting to see a bit more of Galreth's personality, but I think it would make your story a bit more memorable if you added just a dab more personality to all your characters. While the writing is terrific, I think some characters are a bit bland. As a hint, comic relief, more interaction with other characters, and minor flaws are all subtle but effective methods of making your characters feel more alive. However, I still have another chapter to read, and I am hooked...
I especially enjoyed how you made the brothers sort of bond in this chapter, whether you intended to or not. I am starting to see a bit more of Galreth's personality, but I think it would make your story a bit more memorable if you added just a dab more personality to all your characters. While the writing is terrific, I think some characters are a bit bland. As a hint, comic relief, more interaction with other characters, and minor flaws are all subtle but effective methods of making your characters feel more alive. However, I still have another chapter to read, and I am hooked...
4/24/2005 c3 InSilverShadows
For some reason, I find myself disliking Taron. Perhaps because he lacks an interesting flaw? To me he feels somewhat flat, although I do have more of this to read and hopefully will see something that makes him feel more alive... a stubborn streak, or a bit of arrogance, perhaps? Ah well, I must read on to the next chapter, which will hopefully be as great as this one...
For some reason, I find myself disliking Taron. Perhaps because he lacks an interesting flaw? To me he feels somewhat flat, although I do have more of this to read and hopefully will see something that makes him feel more alive... a stubborn streak, or a bit of arrogance, perhaps? Ah well, I must read on to the next chapter, which will hopefully be as great as this one...
4/24/2005 c2 InSilverShadows
Very good, although in the paragraph decribing Galreth and Dalvir's history, I think you used the word "bloodline" a bit too often in conceding sentences. However, you do a good job with fantasy... I will read on. My favorite character is Dalvir... I'm not sure why, but it may be the way he's a little on the underdog side. And I love underdog male protagonists, so... Well, my favorite scene in this right now is the part where the two are arguing, I myself have two older brothers and it is quite realistically written. Great work. :)
By the way, if you like fantasy you may be interested in one or two of my stories. I don't want to sound like a greedy newb, but...
Very good, although in the paragraph decribing Galreth and Dalvir's history, I think you used the word "bloodline" a bit too often in conceding sentences. However, you do a good job with fantasy... I will read on. My favorite character is Dalvir... I'm not sure why, but it may be the way he's a little on the underdog side. And I love underdog male protagonists, so... Well, my favorite scene in this right now is the part where the two are arguing, I myself have two older brothers and it is quite realistically written. Great work. :)
By the way, if you like fantasy you may be interested in one or two of my stories. I don't want to sound like a greedy newb, but...
4/10/2005 c5 13arwen-evenstar89
wOw! it's been WAY too long since i've kept up with this story! It's still as great as ever... i really love your description of the battles...why can't i write like that? lol! the only bad thing i noticed was that there are a few grammar mistakes... but i still think this is an awesome story! I can't wait to read more!
*Lauren
13arwen-evenstar89wOw! it's been WAY too long since i've kept up with this story! It's still as great as ever... i really love your description of the battles...why can't i write like that? lol! the only bad thing i noticed was that there are a few grammar mistakes... but i still think this is an awesome story! I can't wait to read more!
*Lauren
1/14/2005 c1 Sara
To be fair, it is a great story although I would personally call "orcs" something other than what Tolkien used in Lord of the Rings. Yes, orc is a word, but it means a type of sea creature.
To be fair, it is a great story although I would personally call "orcs" something other than what Tolkien used in Lord of the Rings. Yes, orc is a word, but it means a type of sea creature.
1/12/2005 c1 1Lunchbox Knux
Very good, I liked the plot and your style of writing. I only spotted a couple of grammar errors, but otherwise, its great.
1Lunchbox KnuxVery good, I liked the plot and your style of writing. I only spotted a couple of grammar errors, but otherwise, its great.
1/11/2005 c1 6SirGwain
Hey all you reviewers. I just wanted to say thanks to all the time and heartache..*Sheesh i hope there wasnt any*... you guys took to read and review my story. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Anyway, ive been thinking about cowriting with someone.A fantasy story. So if anyone that reads this gets interested just email me. :) Thanks again for all the reviews.
6SirGwainHey all you reviewers. I just wanted to say thanks to all the time and heartache..*Sheesh i hope there wasnt any*... you guys took to read and review my story. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Anyway, ive been thinking about cowriting with someone.A fantasy story. So if anyone that reads this gets interested just email me. :) Thanks again for all the reviews.
1/11/2005 c3 4Ravyn Darklighter
These are some interesting stories, though you have not continued any one set of characters yet. That is soon too come, I expect. Great job though - when you described how many troops they had at their command in ther third chapter, I don't think you should have been so stiff...know what I mean? Anyways, I think you have some good ideas thusfar and I'll keep an eye on any updates you may have for this one. Great Job.
I'd like to thank you for reviewing my stories and your praising reviews. As for your question on my KoTOR fic - yes, this story will eventually go through the events of the first and second game and on to what I think should happen to the characters next - like a third book.
So you like Ariel's Legacy, eh? Well, I've begun on a new chapter for it and will have it up soon, so you should probably check up on it in a few days. Anywho, I also don't think that Chronicles of the Blade is very good. If you could write another review for it and explain why you think it is good, it would help me repeat what you like in the next chapter.
Thanks for your time.
Ravyn
4Ravyn DarklighterThese are some interesting stories, though you have not continued any one set of characters yet. That is soon too come, I expect. Great job though - when you described how many troops they had at their command in ther third chapter, I don't think you should have been so stiff...know what I mean? Anyways, I think you have some good ideas thusfar and I'll keep an eye on any updates you may have for this one. Great Job.
I'd like to thank you for reviewing my stories and your praising reviews. As for your question on my KoTOR fic - yes, this story will eventually go through the events of the first and second game and on to what I think should happen to the characters next - like a third book.
So you like Ariel's Legacy, eh? Well, I've begun on a new chapter for it and will have it up soon, so you should probably check up on it in a few days. Anywho, I also don't think that Chronicles of the Blade is very good. If you could write another review for it and explain why you think it is good, it would help me repeat what you like in the next chapter.
Thanks for your time.
Ravyn
9/16/2004 c1 Fiore Chnudth
Very nice! I hope that this is something from a larger tale and not just a description of a battle. It seems to be part of something else.
I like the way you write very much. I think you find a good balance between descriptions and actions; and in your descriptions I find a hint of poesy (starless night, an arrow away and such). This I like! And also, at times I think I find a bit of evilness in the good/the elves - if this is true, I must applaud not doing it to black and white.
Again, I can only hope to find more about Heathir on fictionpress. Cool name btw; I think everyone would have known him to be an Elf even if you had not said so, simply because of a well chosen name.
Very nice! I hope that this is something from a larger tale and not just a description of a battle. It seems to be part of something else.
I like the way you write very much. I think you find a good balance between descriptions and actions; and in your descriptions I find a hint of poesy (starless night, an arrow away and such). This I like! And also, at times I think I find a bit of evilness in the good/the elves - if this is true, I must applaud not doing it to black and white.
Again, I can only hope to find more about Heathir on fictionpress. Cool name btw; I think everyone would have known him to be an Elf even if you had not said so, simply because of a well chosen name.