for The Whitehall Chronicles11/15/2006 c6 a case of me
holy crap this is a good story... and it hasn't been updated for over two years!
I love the personalities of Virginia and Emma. The two girls are similar and yet very different. God help the people they dislike if they ever teamed up! When I read the story I could just SEE the hilarious and clever events that would come out of it, and then felt very confused when I didn't see another arrow to click for the next chapter. I AM VERY VERY SAD NOW, AS SELF-ABSORBED AS THAT IS.
is there any chance you guys could continue? (please, please...) because it's damn good.
holy crap this is a good story... and it hasn't been updated for over two years!
I love the personalities of Virginia and Emma. The two girls are similar and yet very different. God help the people they dislike if they ever teamed up! When I read the story I could just SEE the hilarious and clever events that would come out of it, and then felt very confused when I didn't see another arrow to click for the next chapter. I AM VERY VERY SAD NOW, AS SELF-ABSORBED AS THAT IS.
is there any chance you guys could continue? (please, please...) because it's damn good.
12/29/2005 c3 
31emptyword
*laughs* I have to applaud you on this! Have you two, by any chance, ever read...hm, I may have forgotten the title. I think it was something similar to "Cecelia"? But anyway, that book was written in the format you have presented here. So I wondered. :) I've tried to start something similar with a few of my friends, but all of us have such short attention spans we don't collaborate well on stories at all. So congratulations for coming this far! I am enjoying the read tremendously! :P Right, let me go finish "President's Son" now... Then I'll be back. Short attention span right?
31emptyword*laughs* I have to applaud you on this! Have you two, by any chance, ever read...hm, I may have forgotten the title. I think it was something similar to "Cecelia"? But anyway, that book was written in the format you have presented here. So I wondered. :) I've tried to start something similar with a few of my friends, but all of us have such short attention spans we don't collaborate well on stories at all. So congratulations for coming this far! I am enjoying the read tremendously! :P Right, let me go finish "President's Son" now... Then I'll be back. Short attention span right?
10/23/2005 c6 5I Am Vast
This a lovely story/letters narration. There's a couple of historical facts that are a bit off (women did not inherit so the title of Lord would go directly to her cousin Thomas, commoners would most definitely not throw tomatos at the nobles for the sake of their families if nothing else). Still this is extremely interesting and I hope you can update soon.
~Toodles!~
5I Am VastThis a lovely story/letters narration. There's a couple of historical facts that are a bit off (women did not inherit so the title of Lord would go directly to her cousin Thomas, commoners would most definitely not throw tomatos at the nobles for the sake of their families if nothing else). Still this is extremely interesting and I hope you can update soon.
~Toodles!~
10/13/2005 c6 Gentileschi
Good morning! I really enjoy this story, although I must admit that I had to skim about the last two chapters. Letters can be difficult sometimes to read when there are many of them, although I do enjoy the naratives in the letters. Will we now have our ladies met and perhaps change from letters to naratives? I hope so! :) I really like the story and can't wait to read more. I'll even see if I can't open an account just to make sure I don't miss an update of this story! :)
Good morning! I really enjoy this story, although I must admit that I had to skim about the last two chapters. Letters can be difficult sometimes to read when there are many of them, although I do enjoy the naratives in the letters. Will we now have our ladies met and perhaps change from letters to naratives? I hope so! :) I really like the story and can't wait to read more. I'll even see if I can't open an account just to make sure I don't miss an update of this story! :)
12/14/2004 c6 1PhearsomePshycho
I like the way this story is written-the letter form thing. Please update soon!
1PhearsomePshychoI like the way this story is written-the letter form thing. Please update soon!
8/8/2004 c6 6chava
I have enjoyed the correspondence format of this story so far, although I hope that once these two decide to meet, actual story narration gets underway. The letters were a great characterization tool - I feel as though I know the characters much better than I would if these chapters had been narrated in the conventional fashion - not to mention that the protagonists' relationship is so far the main conflict of the story and narration could not have shown that since the letters are, so far, their only contact. Anyway, I very much like the cliched idea of interclass romance (truly, does that plot ever get old? Certainly not for me), although the heroes, if they are Alisdair and Eric as I assume, were introduced rather soon and obviously. Already I really like both of them, especially Alisdair.
However, his being Scottish does defeat the whole gypsy plot. Having a slightly nomadic lifestyle by trading in both England and Scotland does not make one a gypsy; the gypsies are a race who generally call themselves the Rom and who most likely originated from Egypt, then intermixed with the people of India, and finally began to travel throughout Europe in the late ninth century. Perhaps Alisdair's mother is Scottish and she joined his father by becoming a part of the gypsy culture? You could make Alisdair's heritage more clear later on. (I am also confused as to whether it is Alisdair or Ewan who is 16 years old - the pronoun antecedent was unclear in ch. 4.)
Other than that minor nitpick (and Emma's being a head taller than her mother and yet her two younger siblings' being the only people she knows who are shorter than she), my only other complaint is basically the lack of historical accuracy. The people on the docks probably wouldn't have dared throw anything at a lady - if they were caught, the consequences would have been severe.
And the girls' father is not Lord Bertram or Lord Whitehall - he is Bertram Whitehall, Lord Eastwood, or Bertram Whitehall, earl of Eastwood. Lord Bertram would indicate that he is the second (or third, fourth, etc.) son of a marquess or duke, and Lord Whitehall would indicate that his title is Whitehall rather than Eastwood; earls' or marquesses' titles are very rarely the same as their last names, though this is so for some viscounts and barons (it is never so for dukes). In the peerage, people are always referred to by their titles; the last names just are; no one ever refers to these peers by them unless stating their name and title(s) in full. Thus refer to their father as Lord Eastwood, Eastwood, or the earl.
More importantly to the plot, women do not usually inherit titles; they pass through the male line. If this second cousin is the next in line, he is now the earl of Eastwood, not Virginia. There are a few titles that can be inherited by a female if there is no male heir to inherit, but these titles are rather rare (except most Scottish ones, which are usually inherited by "heirs general," meaning that even if there is a male cousin or uncle to inherit, if the peer has left daughters, they all have a right to the title over the other males). Anyway, if the second cousin is non-existent or the title is Scottish and Virginia is now the countess of Eastwood, she should no longer be referred to as Lady Virginia because her title of Lady Eastwood takes precedence over her honorary "Lady [First Name]" title. Also, her husband would not be the earl of Eastwood nor be given any title for marrying her; however, she would still be a very desirable match because the husband's first son would be an honorary viscount and future earl, and his daughters honorary "Ladies." (Second sons and so forth would merely be Honorable Misters and outranked by all their sisters, whose ranks would be equal to their oldest brother's until he inherited the earldom. Only superfluous sons of marquesses and dukes receive honorary "Lord [First Name]" titles, as I mentioned earlier.) Also, though her husband would not be permitted use of her title, he would inherit any heriditary duties (e.g., in 1818 Lady Willoughby de Eresby's husband fulfilled her role as Hereditary Great Chamberlain of England) and, I believe, be able to sit in the House of Lords for her (though this is not true in present day thanks to the Peerage Act of '63).
I realize much of this information may be quite detrimental and irritating to the plotline, but I must mention it because, as a piece of historical fiction, this story's very integrity is destroyed by being in many ways impossible to ever have happened. If this were a fantasy world rather than Victorian England, you could make your own rules to an extent; but here, I would advise you make sure details of the plot such as these are thoroughly researched. A good site for info on British titles of nobility is http:/laura.chinet.com/html/titles01.html. There were other small problems that came to my notice which I cannot recall, but as this is a work of fanfiction, I doubt many other readers will nitpick anywhere near as much as I have unless they are diehard historical romance fans as well.
Although I have many complaints from an editor's standpoint, I still thoroughly enjoyed this story, as I have all of these two authors' works. I hope that you manage to update soon despite the many stories you have written individually that are also just begging for updates. . . . Please e-mail me if you would like any help with editing, fixing the plot holes, etc. Hopefully some of this information was helpful to you.
~ chava
6chavaI have enjoyed the correspondence format of this story so far, although I hope that once these two decide to meet, actual story narration gets underway. The letters were a great characterization tool - I feel as though I know the characters much better than I would if these chapters had been narrated in the conventional fashion - not to mention that the protagonists' relationship is so far the main conflict of the story and narration could not have shown that since the letters are, so far, their only contact. Anyway, I very much like the cliched idea of interclass romance (truly, does that plot ever get old? Certainly not for me), although the heroes, if they are Alisdair and Eric as I assume, were introduced rather soon and obviously. Already I really like both of them, especially Alisdair.
However, his being Scottish does defeat the whole gypsy plot. Having a slightly nomadic lifestyle by trading in both England and Scotland does not make one a gypsy; the gypsies are a race who generally call themselves the Rom and who most likely originated from Egypt, then intermixed with the people of India, and finally began to travel throughout Europe in the late ninth century. Perhaps Alisdair's mother is Scottish and she joined his father by becoming a part of the gypsy culture? You could make Alisdair's heritage more clear later on. (I am also confused as to whether it is Alisdair or Ewan who is 16 years old - the pronoun antecedent was unclear in ch. 4.)
Other than that minor nitpick (and Emma's being a head taller than her mother and yet her two younger siblings' being the only people she knows who are shorter than she), my only other complaint is basically the lack of historical accuracy. The people on the docks probably wouldn't have dared throw anything at a lady - if they were caught, the consequences would have been severe.
And the girls' father is not Lord Bertram or Lord Whitehall - he is Bertram Whitehall, Lord Eastwood, or Bertram Whitehall, earl of Eastwood. Lord Bertram would indicate that he is the second (or third, fourth, etc.) son of a marquess or duke, and Lord Whitehall would indicate that his title is Whitehall rather than Eastwood; earls' or marquesses' titles are very rarely the same as their last names, though this is so for some viscounts and barons (it is never so for dukes). In the peerage, people are always referred to by their titles; the last names just are; no one ever refers to these peers by them unless stating their name and title(s) in full. Thus refer to their father as Lord Eastwood, Eastwood, or the earl.
More importantly to the plot, women do not usually inherit titles; they pass through the male line. If this second cousin is the next in line, he is now the earl of Eastwood, not Virginia. There are a few titles that can be inherited by a female if there is no male heir to inherit, but these titles are rather rare (except most Scottish ones, which are usually inherited by "heirs general," meaning that even if there is a male cousin or uncle to inherit, if the peer has left daughters, they all have a right to the title over the other males). Anyway, if the second cousin is non-existent or the title is Scottish and Virginia is now the countess of Eastwood, she should no longer be referred to as Lady Virginia because her title of Lady Eastwood takes precedence over her honorary "Lady [First Name]" title. Also, her husband would not be the earl of Eastwood nor be given any title for marrying her; however, she would still be a very desirable match because the husband's first son would be an honorary viscount and future earl, and his daughters honorary "Ladies." (Second sons and so forth would merely be Honorable Misters and outranked by all their sisters, whose ranks would be equal to their oldest brother's until he inherited the earldom. Only superfluous sons of marquesses and dukes receive honorary "Lord [First Name]" titles, as I mentioned earlier.) Also, though her husband would not be permitted use of her title, he would inherit any heriditary duties (e.g., in 1818 Lady Willoughby de Eresby's husband fulfilled her role as Hereditary Great Chamberlain of England) and, I believe, be able to sit in the House of Lords for her (though this is not true in present day thanks to the Peerage Act of '63).
I realize much of this information may be quite detrimental and irritating to the plotline, but I must mention it because, as a piece of historical fiction, this story's very integrity is destroyed by being in many ways impossible to ever have happened. If this were a fantasy world rather than Victorian England, you could make your own rules to an extent; but here, I would advise you make sure details of the plot such as these are thoroughly researched. A good site for info on British titles of nobility is http:/laura.chinet.com/html/titles01.html. There were other small problems that came to my notice which I cannot recall, but as this is a work of fanfiction, I doubt many other readers will nitpick anywhere near as much as I have unless they are diehard historical romance fans as well.
Although I have many complaints from an editor's standpoint, I still thoroughly enjoyed this story, as I have all of these two authors' works. I hope that you manage to update soon despite the many stories you have written individually that are also just begging for updates. . . . Please e-mail me if you would like any help with editing, fixing the plot holes, etc. Hopefully some of this information was helpful to you.
~ chava
7/2/2004 c3 127godawful teen-angst poetry
The tone of both girls, but particularly Virginia, reminds me of Georgia Nicolson. However-I don't know-inserting huge chunks of dialogue, thought, etc. into a letter makes it seem a bit...contrived. (Which it is, obviously, but that's not the point.) I think it would work a lot better if you just let them narrate most of the chapter and then including notes/letters rather than confining yourself to the letter format, which doesn't come off as a plausible correspondence with all the added scenes. Just an opinion. I do think the storyline is reasonably good.
~lyv
127godawful teen-angst poetryThe tone of both girls, but particularly Virginia, reminds me of Georgia Nicolson. However-I don't know-inserting huge chunks of dialogue, thought, etc. into a letter makes it seem a bit...contrived. (Which it is, obviously, but that's not the point.) I think it would work a lot better if you just let them narrate most of the chapter and then including notes/letters rather than confining yourself to the letter format, which doesn't come off as a plausible correspondence with all the added scenes. Just an opinion. I do think the storyline is reasonably good.
~lyv
6/23/2004 c6 H. M. Banson
What a tactful apology, without being an /actual/ apology. Heh, I'd say that Emma most definately has noble blood in her, as she was able to artfully and gracefully execute a letter that may have been difficult or caused her to lose face otherwise. Brilliant!
As impressive as Emma and Virginia are, of course, all the credit goes to the two of you. The quality is truly inspiring, and as someone who is fond and appreciative of irony and sarcasm, the humor is delightful. I absolutely cannot wait until you update this wonderful story... in the meantime, I'll have to check on what else you've written!
Amazing job, I'm truly impressed.
Always,
~Hollie
What a tactful apology, without being an /actual/ apology. Heh, I'd say that Emma most definately has noble blood in her, as she was able to artfully and gracefully execute a letter that may have been difficult or caused her to lose face otherwise. Brilliant!
As impressive as Emma and Virginia are, of course, all the credit goes to the two of you. The quality is truly inspiring, and as someone who is fond and appreciative of irony and sarcasm, the humor is delightful. I absolutely cannot wait until you update this wonderful story... in the meantime, I'll have to check on what else you've written!
Amazing job, I'm truly impressed.
Always,
~Hollie
6/23/2004 c5 H. M. Banson
THe last paragraph was particularly interesting... with a bit of foreshadowing, no? The stuff about having never met, and Emma seeing the nobility from up close. Hehe... yes, I'm still itching for the great sister swap, to use a cliche... Heh, if I haven't mentioned it recently, I really love this story. One of the things I love the most is that I keep going back and forth... first I'm siding with Emma, then Virginia, then back to Emma, then Virginia... it's like a game of tennis.. or ping-pong, which I like better. ^-^ But they both keep coming up with strong points to their argument, and they've rather reached a stalemate, if I'm not mistaken... it feels like they've both made their points, and despite being at opposite ends of the economic and social scales, they've discovered something of an equality, a common groud. Neither one is better or worse than the other, type of thing. Well, mayhap that's just my ramblings, but that's how it seems to me, anyways.
This story really makes a girl think. I like that. I like that a whole lot.
Always,
~Hollie
THe last paragraph was particularly interesting... with a bit of foreshadowing, no? The stuff about having never met, and Emma seeing the nobility from up close. Hehe... yes, I'm still itching for the great sister swap, to use a cliche... Heh, if I haven't mentioned it recently, I really love this story. One of the things I love the most is that I keep going back and forth... first I'm siding with Emma, then Virginia, then back to Emma, then Virginia... it's like a game of tennis.. or ping-pong, which I like better. ^-^ But they both keep coming up with strong points to their argument, and they've rather reached a stalemate, if I'm not mistaken... it feels like they've both made their points, and despite being at opposite ends of the economic and social scales, they've discovered something of an equality, a common groud. Neither one is better or worse than the other, type of thing. Well, mayhap that's just my ramblings, but that's how it seems to me, anyways.
This story really makes a girl think. I like that. I like that a whole lot.
Always,
~Hollie
6/23/2004 c4 H. M. Banson
Good stuff here. I know my reviews are getting shorter and shorter, but that's mainly because all I want to do is advance to the next chapter... it's very difficult to force myself to stop reading and write a review! ;oD That's one of the things that tells me that this is not just a good story, but a GREAT story. Wonderful, wonderful things are written here. The characters you've brought to life are vivid, with clearly defined personalities and morals and beliefs. I like some of the concepts that arise from this, such as Emma's debate on honor and right and wrong. Some very amazing stuff here, I do say. Fantastic work!
Always,
~Hollie
Good stuff here. I know my reviews are getting shorter and shorter, but that's mainly because all I want to do is advance to the next chapter... it's very difficult to force myself to stop reading and write a review! ;oD That's one of the things that tells me that this is not just a good story, but a GREAT story. Wonderful, wonderful things are written here. The characters you've brought to life are vivid, with clearly defined personalities and morals and beliefs. I like some of the concepts that arise from this, such as Emma's debate on honor and right and wrong. Some very amazing stuff here, I do say. Fantastic work!
Always,
~Hollie
6/23/2004 c3 H. M. Banson
They're most definately sisters. They both have sharp tongues and even sharper minds. Excellent!
Always,
~Hollie Marie
They're most definately sisters. They both have sharp tongues and even sharper minds. Excellent!
Always,
~Hollie Marie
6/23/2004 c2 H. M. Banson
Heh... sharp, witty and clever... I'd say that's two points for the second Miss Whitehall indeed. I very much like the stings and barbs that Emma is so good at, and the fact that she wanted very much to be even with her half-sister in sharing her life. I lke the clear, concise manner in which she described it, especially about her family.
A very good chapter.. I'd write more, but I'm itching to get on to the next! How /will/ Virginia react to such disrespect? Hehe...
Wonderful job with this story... only two chapters and I'm already hooked!
Always,
~Hollie Marie
Heh... sharp, witty and clever... I'd say that's two points for the second Miss Whitehall indeed. I very much like the stings and barbs that Emma is so good at, and the fact that she wanted very much to be even with her half-sister in sharing her life. I lke the clear, concise manner in which she described it, especially about her family.
A very good chapter.. I'd write more, but I'm itching to get on to the next! How /will/ Virginia react to such disrespect? Hehe...
Wonderful job with this story... only two chapters and I'm already hooked!
Always,
~Hollie Marie