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for The Third Day

5/23/2004 c7 2red-phoenix32
I don't know what to say really. It was very good. You have a interesting plot.
Personally I think you introduced your characters too quickly. Also don't make them unrealistic. Come on Learning the WHOLE English language in a week. Impossible. I know you're trying to do the 'best of the best' thing. But don't make them perfect and ready for the job. Even the best agents still have lots to learn even after like thirty years working. Also David seems to be taking control of the situation and it seems that what ever he says goes. Try and remember that the other members of the team were also picked because they were the best. If I was the best and went on this mission I'd hate to be pushed around by someone else. Also they don't seem be acting scared. I saw a bit come out in Kira but no one else. They're in a situation that no one has ever been in. Going back saying if I was on this mission and was facing these zombies. I'd just crawl up in a ball. So don't make characters too perfect. Also with the recordings its supposed to be a video. Yet all we're hearing is people speaking. It doesn't give that feeling of it being a video recording. Show the two men sitting down, show facial expressions etc. Comming in with the descriptions. You gave the audience background not what they look like so thats another thing that didn't make me think you're characters jumped out of the page.
Just a note. Chapter one: Kira's file says twenty six. While in Chapter two: It says twenty three. Just thought i'd point that out.
My overall score: 5/10
5/21/2004 c6 11Wolfie Star26
those people are freakiing me out. update soon.
5/21/2004 c6 404358034958034
Wow, there's some devious thinking going on there. I salute you!
5/19/2004 c5 11Misoshiru
wow interesting twist! im thinking that rowan became a zombie, if im right from watching resident evil but then again u never know. update soon!
5/19/2004 c5 11Wolfie Star26
this was awesome, i find it strange that theres a fireplace in a police station. ive never heard of that before. anyway, whoat the heck is going on with the blood, that was there and is now gone, that freaks me out. also that the car is gone. and what the heck is with the guy or girl that was running from them. update soon.
5/19/2004 c5 404358034958034
What fun! I think I would just pass out if I was being chased by zombies. Hey, Dr. Phil is on! Let's conquer our fear of the living dead TODAY!
5/17/2004 c4 404358034958034
*Gasp!* Doesn't it suck to kill off one of your characters? That was freaky, with the zombies. I would wet my pants too.
5/17/2004 c4 Wolfie Star26
awesome, though i have to say the zombies and what happened to rowen was very strange. lata.
5/16/2004 c4 11Misoshiru
wo! zombies! zombies are overrated but they r still cool! i recommend you watch resident evil, its similar to this story.
5/16/2004 c3 404358034958034
Bravo! That part with the blood kinda freaked me out. Suspensful!
5/16/2004 c3 11Wolfie Star26
well this was awesome. but somethings going on, cuz why would there be no bodys only blood, and was it safe to drink the soda from the machine? umm whats up with all the cars that aren't destroyed and in almost perfect condition? lata.
5/16/2004 c3 5Eagle Seance
Good action story so far. I didn't quite understand what was going on in the first chapter, but the next two cleared some things up. Ha ha, there's a Rowan in my story too! Well written and good layout. i found the videotape thing quite original and effective. Keep writing!
5/15/2004 c3 11Misoshiru
ok this chapter was good but it could do with a bit more detail. and also, something i forgot to bring up the last time i reviewed was that if it was a nuclear bomb that was dropped on the city then the main characters would need anti-radioactive suit thingys to survive and everyone in a 20 - 40 mile radius would be poisoned. anyhoo, it doesnt really matter, its your choice. it would be cool if you could review my story Justice Rules too.
5/15/2004 c2 22slave to the voices
I liked this chapter much more than the first one. You did a pretty good job of introducing these characters, unfortunately though, there is still little description. The plot is starting to interest me and I will definetly read more when you post it.
Good job, keep writing.
PS. If you get a chance, check out my WRITERS CHALLENGE, I think it'll be fun.
5/15/2004 c2 11Wolfie Star26
yuppers they will need good luck. hehe you knwo one reason im reading this fic, is that i love anything that has to do with military. update soon.
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