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6/14/2006 c1 Frank the Turkey
Okay... I think Jared is an idiot. The captian had just said "All the ships that have been destroyed, were because they offended the aliens" So what does he do? He goes and INSULTS THE ALIENS!

P.S. Where'd you come up with "Arrhorsians"? It's a neat name.
9/8/2005 c1 20Pheobe Meryll
I think the story itself is a lot better than you made it out to be. I'm pretty certain you're making a political statement, one with which I agree. I liked the last sentance - it came, actually, as really unexpected. The best thing you could do with the rest of the story, I think, is to draw it out more towards the climax.

A little mistake I noticed: "These aliens are not our friends, they're our enemy" - should be "enemies."

Otherwise, good job. I like short stories that get their point across.

PS Thanx for reviewing Butterfly...it's set in a culture of my own...and I just like the have my minstrels lying down. (I once saw a picture of Allen-A-Dale singing that way and was inspired.)
8/19/2005 c1 1Triden
lol, the UN trying to make peace with hostile aliens is highly plausible. futuristic things are hard to write, and you've done a good job! and thanks for the great critique of my story, it really helped.
11/15/2004 c1 3Pont
Earthy! Darling! *collapses* sorry I forgot to put you on the list! I putcha on, and I've also added you to my new list of favorite people (I'm so sorry I forgot about you ;_;). Really, you flatter me, I can't be THAT good. And you're way too modest. 'isn't so great'? Wow. Lol, I love the teachbot. Poor Jared. :P Don't we all know that pain... ^_^
Whoa, getting a little out of control there. Lol! Weird. I'm still not sure what's up with these 'Arrhorsian's. Cool name though. Bloody captain :P
Great job! Love ya earthsong!
~pont
9/11/2004 c1 aspiring author
Hey there, lazy me today.
~
((review))
Nice cliff-hanger. Keep going? I have found that if you work on something else, inspiration sometimes comes for the thing you need, you know? I like, I like!
6/19/2004 c1 49recalcitrant
i think that this is a very impressive write. it has a unique style and a strong voice. good job.
i hope you will take some time to review some of my work as well.
6/13/2004 c1 Alisa
This was really weird but on the plus side, you are very creative. I couldn't have come up wih a weirder or more creative or "cool" (in your words) story. P.S: studying for history was enjoyable and informative. I am being like my cousin and using big words. lol. bye
6/2/2004 c1 4Queen of the Dragons
Interesting, but I want to know who was right-the captain or the kid? Also, the end was a bit sudden, and made the story seem like it was written in a very short period of time.
5/28/2004 c1 26Karasu no sei
hrm... it's not bad. has a sort of... grim humour, if you will, at the end. No it's not your best but it's still good, sorry i haven't reviewed in ages ^^
~Karasu
5/20/2004 c1 5Eagle Seance
I can't say I fully understand what's going on at the moment, but it sounds pretty interesting. Keep writing!
5/19/2004 c1 21Ancamna
Yeah, well, I guess I decided to take a break from homework. You can't really blame me.
p11: change 'the way I came' to 'the way I had come'
You're right, this isn't one of your best works. I can't pinpoint why, though - just the writing style. However, there were 2 specific parts that I liked. The first was when the TeachBot (I thought that was TechBot until now) acted smug b/c it doesn't like the kid. ^_~ The second was the end. When the world blew up. Technically, that's not funny, but I mean more ironical funny that laughable (is that a word?). I've been wanting to write a story where the bad guys win in the end, but the end is more of a surprise than sad. You just did it. Congrats. (Though I'll probably still do it sometime. ^_^)
PS ~ Do you mean to write a second chapter? Or is this the end?
5/16/2004 c1 67PaulAsaran
Actually, I thought the ending was kinda funny. Don't know if you intended that or not, but it seemed so to me. I'm kinda curious as to why the Arrhorsians just started attacking humans initially, but I'm a stickler for detail so don't worry about that.

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