for The Clandestine Life10/9/2004 c1 
22lucid-psyche
Other than a few grammatical issues - very nice.
It would probably be even more powerful if you took out everything after the final line (including "The End" and the author's note). Just a thought.
22lucid-psycheOther than a few grammatical issues - very nice.
It would probably be even more powerful if you took out everything after the final line (including "The End" and the author's note). Just a thought.
7/13/2004 c1 13Twizzlers
Woah, that was cool. I really like it. The more I think about it the more I like it. I knew it was going to be like a dream, or Billy was going to be crazy or something, but I didn't expect it to repeat like that. It was cool. And kind of sad, too. At the end when his mom is talking to him and you know that he's talking back to her in his mind, but not in reality. Sad. You're an excellent writer. It's late right now, otherwise I'd check out some more of your work. But I'll have to do that later. So, excellent job. I really liked this short story. Twizz
13TwizzlersWoah, that was cool. I really like it. The more I think about it the more I like it. I knew it was going to be like a dream, or Billy was going to be crazy or something, but I didn't expect it to repeat like that. It was cool. And kind of sad, too. At the end when his mom is talking to him and you know that he's talking back to her in his mind, but not in reality. Sad. You're an excellent writer. It's late right now, otherwise I'd check out some more of your work. But I'll have to do that later. So, excellent job. I really liked this short story. Twizz
6/10/2004 c1 7Lee Harvey Kennedy
Wow. That's my immediate reaction; just wow. This was quite a clever one-shot. I found myself wondering throughout who "they" were and what the accident entailed, and so the ending caught me off-guard. I quite enjoyed it!
As for criticism, there is a bit of word mis-use as grammar issues. 'Dippers', 'ripped', 'to' for 'too', but it hardly detracts from the experience. This was smooth, sharp, and a pleasure to read. Good job!
7Lee Harvey KennedyWow. That's my immediate reaction; just wow. This was quite a clever one-shot. I found myself wondering throughout who "they" were and what the accident entailed, and so the ending caught me off-guard. I quite enjoyed it!
As for criticism, there is a bit of word mis-use as grammar issues. 'Dippers', 'ripped', 'to' for 'too', but it hardly detracts from the experience. This was smooth, sharp, and a pleasure to read. Good job!
6/7/2004 c1 LifeUnlived
Wow, very… mysterious to put it plainly. This is very well done. I’d like to invite you to a writing forum. I hope you enjoy the community and share some of your interesting works.
http:/ucps.proboards30.com/
Wow, very… mysterious to put it plainly. This is very well done. I’d like to invite you to a writing forum. I hope you enjoy the community and share some of your interesting works.
http:/ucps.proboards30.com/
5/26/2004 c1 2SSK
This story looks like a good short story overall. The two repeats were just enough to get my attention, and I did not realize what was truly going on until the last sentence. One question remains from the story: what was the accident really like, and how did this boy change the actual accident into the story?
2SSKThis story looks like a good short story overall. The two repeats were just enough to get my attention, and I did not realize what was truly going on until the last sentence. One question remains from the story: what was the accident really like, and how did this boy change the actual accident into the story?
5/21/2004 c1 bo
Hey, battle-ogre here. You asked for a new review now you've sorted the bugs out. So, well, where do I start? I thought it was great as before, and it's now much better as one compact story.
No tips for improvement needed in my eyes - thanks for your R/R, Tom.
Hey, battle-ogre here. You asked for a new review now you've sorted the bugs out. So, well, where do I start? I thought it was great as before, and it's now much better as one compact story.
No tips for improvement needed in my eyes - thanks for your R/R, Tom.