
5/20/2004 c1 Kakyou Takashiro
this is really interesting. usually, one would post chapter by chapter, yet you have here six chapters in one. not a bad idea. however i'm not going to leisure about and give this a pitiful review. meaning, i care a great deal about this story. it has great potential and historical fiction is one of my specialities.
all in the all the story seems in tact, however reading a bit of your profile, i hope that one chapter is not going to make an entire part in a trilogy... if it is... its going to need to be a lot longer, much more detail, and a great deal or more characterization before just jumping into things. so in my best wishes i hope this continues. The history seems to be pretty accruate excluding the magic in all but that's what makes great fiction. your prose is nicely done, it moves the reader down the chapter in a well organized manner, and i really suggest that you write in more detail as far as the plot, character and setting in each of these chapters. only in depth can you build a readers' true interest.
beyond that i will have to commend on a job well done, though lacking in efforts of longevity and some tense mix-ups, this is still by far a rare historical manga.
without adieu, ensue to inspire.
kakyuo
this is really interesting. usually, one would post chapter by chapter, yet you have here six chapters in one. not a bad idea. however i'm not going to leisure about and give this a pitiful review. meaning, i care a great deal about this story. it has great potential and historical fiction is one of my specialities.
all in the all the story seems in tact, however reading a bit of your profile, i hope that one chapter is not going to make an entire part in a trilogy... if it is... its going to need to be a lot longer, much more detail, and a great deal or more characterization before just jumping into things. so in my best wishes i hope this continues. The history seems to be pretty accruate excluding the magic in all but that's what makes great fiction. your prose is nicely done, it moves the reader down the chapter in a well organized manner, and i really suggest that you write in more detail as far as the plot, character and setting in each of these chapters. only in depth can you build a readers' true interest.
beyond that i will have to commend on a job well done, though lacking in efforts of longevity and some tense mix-ups, this is still by far a rare historical manga.
without adieu, ensue to inspire.
kakyuo
5/19/2004 c1
5Kitzophrenic
Hmm. Nice detail with the fighting. I only wish that we'd learn some personal details about the characters, and maybe a little more scenery description. Good to see a fic set somewhere other than the present. You can never go wrong with feudal (or, well, maybe you can - but, you didn't so...). ^.^; I'd also try to extend the chapters, or blend some together, because it's a little choppy otherwise. Other than that, nicely done.

Hmm. Nice detail with the fighting. I only wish that we'd learn some personal details about the characters, and maybe a little more scenery description. Good to see a fic set somewhere other than the present. You can never go wrong with feudal (or, well, maybe you can - but, you didn't so...). ^.^; I'd also try to extend the chapters, or blend some together, because it's a little choppy otherwise. Other than that, nicely done.