for Hold Me7/29/2004 c1 
20Frzn-banana
you captured it wonderfully. wether you ment to or not. you are a brilliant writer
20Frzn-bananayou captured it wonderfully. wether you ment to or not. you are a brilliant writer
5/29/2004 c1 23Aurora Blacke
aw, that was very sweet and a very good poem. I wish I could write like that. lol. Very good job.
Aurora
23Aurora Blackeaw, that was very sweet and a very good poem. I wish I could write like that. lol. Very good job.
Aurora
5/29/2004 c1 3penumbral
Aw its SO sweet...I really loved it (and can relate to it so much)...Nice job!
-Jalisco
3penumbralAw its SO sweet...I really loved it (and can relate to it so much)...Nice job!
-Jalisco
5/29/2004 c2 3insearchofheart
It's very direct...which I like and definitely to the point. Some parts are a little choppy tho (part 2)...I liked part 1 a little better than part 2 but I liked them both okay.
3insearchofheartIt's very direct...which I like and definitely to the point. Some parts are a little choppy tho (part 2)...I liked part 1 a little better than part 2 but I liked them both okay.
5/29/2004 c2 14Dirty Wallpaper
just to be contridictory, heh, i actually wouldnt have minded at all, in fact i would have preferred it, if there had only ben that first chapter.
why you ask?
well, that i shall explain.
the first chapter left the poem open to be applied, to be relatable to more than one situation. it was able to be fitted to any sort of love...to a readers memory of a love gone, or of even maybe one still there.
i have nothing against this chapter though, for its a nice poem. im not really one for rhymes because i think its restricting, but you made it work.
i do have some constructive criticism, just cause im in the mood *dont mind me*...
"Words said to become false
Riddle's answers to turn false" - now this is what i mean by rhymes restrict, i dont know whether you couldnt find something to rhyme with false or whether you thought it actually worked. for me it didnt. it was weird. that may just be my own opinion.
good work though, kudos!
P:S - you know, you could write a poem series, with the intention of it actually being one. check this out if you want some tips: http:/w.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1131379
she does alot of them, all of high quality.
i reckon you could do some great ones to.
14Dirty Wallpaperjust to be contridictory, heh, i actually wouldnt have minded at all, in fact i would have preferred it, if there had only ben that first chapter.
why you ask?
well, that i shall explain.
the first chapter left the poem open to be applied, to be relatable to more than one situation. it was able to be fitted to any sort of love...to a readers memory of a love gone, or of even maybe one still there.
i have nothing against this chapter though, for its a nice poem. im not really one for rhymes because i think its restricting, but you made it work.
i do have some constructive criticism, just cause im in the mood *dont mind me*...
"Words said to become false
Riddle's answers to turn false" - now this is what i mean by rhymes restrict, i dont know whether you couldnt find something to rhyme with false or whether you thought it actually worked. for me it didnt. it was weird. that may just be my own opinion.
good work though, kudos!
P:S - you know, you could write a poem series, with the intention of it actually being one. check this out if you want some tips: http:/w.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1131379
she does alot of them, all of high quality.
i reckon you could do some great ones to.
5/29/2004 c1 Dirty Wallpaper
very lovely, originality - a rarity, i hate to say, on fictionpress - was what really caught my attention. the way you phrased your sentancs really made for a jaded texture, a love old but very alive. such a soft poem. kudos!
very lovely, originality - a rarity, i hate to say, on fictionpress - was what really caught my attention. the way you phrased your sentancs really made for a jaded texture, a love old but very alive. such a soft poem. kudos!
5/29/2004 c1 14Teal Star
Short, SWEET, and to the point.
*sigh*
How I remember..
^^
But now memories are flying somewhere.
Great poem! And.. good luck with them and your tl.
~Ely~
14Teal StarShort, SWEET, and to the point.
*sigh*
How I remember..
^^
But now memories are flying somewhere.
Great poem! And.. good luck with them and your tl.
~Ely~
5/23/2004 c1 Suki080489
I love it plz continue. I really love the poem...continue to write the story.Later Days =^_^=
I love it plz continue. I really love the poem...continue to write the story.Later Days =^_^=
5/22/2004 c1 Katterpiller
good but it would be so much better if you told more about what you were talking about!it was good though!
good but it would be so much better if you told more about what you were talking about!it was good though!