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for The Mountain

7/20/2004 c1 20Elbereth141
Cool! Nice imigery! I liked the the bit about the crown of clouds and also about the robe of forests. :) The first stananza is a little unbalanced, but you make up for that by miles with the rest of it! five stars! *
-Elbereth141-
7/17/2004 c1 40singingspeechless
i bet you got an A for this in school.
7/4/2004 c1 368EWindheim
Nice vocabulary shown here. I like the metaphor, but the ryhming seems a bit forced. Don't be afraid to move beyond rhyming, you may suprise yourself. In any event, this is cute and nicely described. Thanks for the revies btw!
~Hawke
6/14/2004 c1 3Pont
This is really great! I'd have to say this is my favorite. I am in love with your poems. Please write on!
~ponteh
6/14/2004 c1 Laerai
To break up your stanzas, you might want to type up your poems on notepad. It usually works for me. I'm going to test out using wordpad and see how that goes for writing longer things, like narratives.
6/13/2004 c1 laerai
I really like the rhyme scheme. Some of it flows oddly. I think the stanzas need to be broken up, because you mix different schemes in this. A simple, but nice piece.
6/1/2004 c1 19OpalLynnOldWork
This is nice! What's interesting about this particular piece is that it seems like the beginning of some sort of ballad.
I love some of the similes you used: "A robe of forest green", is very nice. Some of the rhyming seemed a little forced, but that happens.
My only real criticism is that I feel it isn't long enough... I feel as if it leading up to something more, but it just sort of drops away.
Keep on! Good stuff!
5/31/2004 c1 catseyeview
now this is awesome, absolute creativity! wow, I love how nature becomes god or king, the forest his robe, the crown, the clouds...I would even add like the ocean to be his temper or the rivers his tears, the sun his wand, etc. You could have a field day with this.
5/28/2004 c1 12Bittersweet-Rose
I love moutians and this poem just seems to play upon what I feel when I look at them congrats..
5/28/2004 c1 42Pineapple Dreams
i love this. it is really really rreally amazing, its on my face stories list!

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