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5/29/2004 c1 38Aneliz Rei
Interesting. I like the idea, however I feel that your attempt at putting it into sonnett form choked it a little. Firstly, the form has errors. Sonnetts are written in iambic pentameter. Several of your "feet" are not actually iambs, and none of your lines have 14 syllables. Finally, the rhyme structure should be ababcdcdefefgg. Yours is ababcddceefggf. I think this definately has potential, but I would suggest you rework it.

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