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for The Three Powers

12/22/2007 c25 15Bluestreamer

Wow, so many things to say.

First, I am truly surprised that so few people have reviewed. Your story is fabulous with these meaty delicious chapters. I am not finished yet but I am on my way to the end. Second, I feel like this has a resemblance to The Lord of The Rings. I don't mean you stole the idea or ripped off the plot, but you do have kind of the same sense of bonding between allies, fighting the enemy, adventure and action. You capture all the characters' moods so well that I am almost "lost" in the story. I can feel each character's pains and joys which is great. You really draw the reader in.

The parts I had some questions about are not that big of a deal but you know, I wanted to point them out. Some parts I read seem very similar to other works I've read. I am sure that you didn't steal anything and it is probably just coincidence. An example I can remember is, (forget which chapter it is in) when you talk about how the fire in the center of the room warms the room evenly. That is primarily the point I wanted to make.

Last of all, you need to get this story published! It holds the right amounts of action and adventure, friendship, and romance. You do write in a more complicated, descriptive style but that is what I believe your uniqueness, so to say. :) I think you have a winner with this story.


I did write a lot but eh, I had much to say.

Good luck with all future writings.
11/9/2007 c30 Genato
i cried too when angard'ul died. even though he isn't much of a major character... i still was attached? anyways. please keep on writing and you don't really need to edit anything. the story's good even if the number of reviews doesn't tell you so. i'm saying now that this fic is great and i can't wait for your update.
10/22/2007 c7 5only pretending
I liked this chapter.

Rylan was perving on Sasilyna!

Great work.
10/21/2007 c6 only pretending
I love this story so far! I can't keep my eyes away from the screen! Great work.
9/18/2007 c30 3spikedmango
x_x You must've thought I was dead. Mrgh. I had this almost completely written, too, I just kept forgetting to post it. No more stalling!

The little song excerpt you picked to start the chapter off was really appropriate. You have a knack for finding these things.

Despite the brief length of the first section in the chapter, it grabbed my attention immediately and held it even after the scene-break came up. You set up the imagery of the battle very quickly, and I could imagine all of it - maybe it helped that it was being described from a bird's eye view (well, dragon's eye). Choosing Sasilyna's POV to start off the chapter was the best choice, considering the complexity of the event going on before Gladshiem. Mentioning her hunger and an ache in her jaw was subtle enough to remind us what she is without distracting from the larger picture: THEY'VE FINALLY ARRIVED!

Of course you know how much I've been looking forward to this. I think I probably got on your nerves asking "Are they there yet?" in every chapter, heh. But now they ARE, and it's just as fantastic as I hoped that it would be.

But then, of course, that elation crashed along with Yelanj. Punching holes in her wings - cruel, sadistic… and brilliant, on your part. She may be The Weapon, but she's still a living being, and she's not invulnerable. As painful as it was watching her fall (and being subjected to the subsequent scene break, a reaction I'm sure you enjoyed in the beta), it was great for the reality of the story. Naturally, they can't just come in and knock all the bad guys unconscious (as much as I would've enjoyed that). The crash was a great way to put that reality up front.

Fesines and Angard'dul… they really did make tears come to my eyes. You only used a few words, but you managed to convey how much they are… were… in love with each other. And how little time they had left together, and how they were struggling to make the most of it. It didn't take long to figure out that Angard'dul had some plan that was going to result in him not coming back, though I wasn't sure what it was, and watching Eerie figure that out was so painful… Angard'dul calling him Morhu just added to the whole weepiness of the moment. Even rereading it a third time (this is my third time through) I've got water in my eyes; I've had two people ask me what's wrong, heh.

I liked the detail you added about Eerie wondering if he'd arranged his organs properly after moving onto Yelanj's saddle. That small thought added a lot to the imagery of his skill. The three of them toppling off Yelanj, though, that was a suspenseful moment. 'Maniacal' screams from demons, wind, the broken bits of wall scattered around like bones of the city… I did hold my breath (not that I doubted Eerie, of course). It must've been so hard for him to keep Sasilyna running to her sister when he must've wanted to run to his own father, too.

Rylan's reactions in the scene were good too; gritting his teeth when Sasilyna said she wanted to ride down and kill Willon, distracting them with asking Eerie about healing Yelanj… even though you were worried about making the whole scene from Eerie's POV, you made sure he noticed enough things that we got an idea of what was going through the other character's heads (we know them pretty well by now). The last glance Eerie cast at the wall, ah… a great detail.

"The bitch had come back." Oh, come on, how is that not one of the best lines ever? Short, simple, and rough, wonderful to express Willon's anger/confusion/frustration. Seeing him basically shout "WTF" at the sight of her on a dragon, heh, literally made me laugh and clap. And, m, ever so satisfying to see the end of that scene. Willon can't keep that fear away anymore…

Now… the surely to be infamous Curing Scene. Sigh. It's still painful to read over it. It was a brilliant scene. The imagery had just enough details. Arundis shouting "You'll DIE!" was equally as heart-wrenching as seeing Eerie cry. Which is appropriate, considering Angard'dul called him his son… oh, man. I'm getting all teary again. That moment was ripping; Arundis and Angard'dul and Angard'dul's thoughts about Arundis coexisting with death… And the whole 'remembering people from his life' thing was a nice way to just demonstrate what… what he was doing. What he was giving up, what he was saving, who he was sacrificing himself for. I see where you got the title of the chapter from - and it was definitely a fitting choice. Something to commemorate what Angard'dul did. The actual description of the magical process was good, too… I liked that he had the energy to think to the plague: "Who is suffocating now?" But I hate Willon for commissioning the blasted thing. Literarily, the death was great… mentors have to leave, to let people flourish, and he was of course the perfect person to fix this, and considering the scale of the war it was… appropriate… for someone of such high-status to die. Doesn't stop it from being difficult (emotionally) to read.

M I noticed the introspection Rylan had about not being able to use his bow from the position he was in, heh. A nice little forlorn-boy/warrior moment. The detail about her hair hitting his eyes was good too… and made me flinch just thinking about it.

I don't know if I said as much in the beta, but reading the scene with Yelanj swooping down on Willon… even though I knew what was going to happen… I just wanted her to eat him. Just snap him up in her jaws. M. Wishful thinking. I grit my teeth and clenched my jaw when he had the impertinence to call Yelanj a pet. Gah! That was such a smart thing for you to put in there… and smarter to mention that his voice was strained.

All right, the kiss. Oh, man. I so… I so never expected that to happen. It literally made my jaw drop. I just stared blankly at the screen for a moment before I could gather my thoughts. How perfect was that to be their first kiss? In the middle of battle, not exactly mushy-romantic, more forceful and tinged just a tiny bit with desperation, him wanting to hang onto her. The paragraph you added about how her face looked was great; I loved the part about the color of her lips. And the 'lust' in his chest, ahahaha, wow. That made me flutter. Rylan, you charmer.

And, uh, that Willon saw the whole thing? *laughter* Oh, that was so satisfying. He was just like "Gah, what? They're kissing? How are they not just terrified of me? What did I miss?" And there was a nice parallel between him and Sasilyna charging at each other and being held back (though I doubt Rekem harbors lust for Willon deep in his chest… or, I *hope* that's the case).

But then he realized, oh damn it, that Ranara had access to Lilith… Tell me (well, don't tell me, that'd ruin the suspense) that Damaros will be able to stand up to his brother when Willon comes back wanting to kill Ranara for what she did!

"I think that if he had never met Ketil he still would have become a crazed murderer" Ahaha. Willon's high school superlative: Most Likely To Be A Psychopath. He must be so proud. Have I mentioned how incredibly cryptic you can be in the "Next Time" section? It's a good thing, of course, because hearing "Next Time: The Good Guys Kick Ass" would hardly be suspenseful, but it's also a little torturous trying to figure out all the little clues you give. Ahh… well, this chapter was wonderful, and I anxiously await the next one… (which you probably have written, considering how long it took me to post this -_-).
9/15/2007 c9 3KiraLove
I've only read chapter one through nine, but will finsh the others as soon as I can! I can truely say at this point, Saul is my favorite character. Just wanted to tell yah that your writing rocks!
9/15/2007 c1 13SamanthaNicole
I believe I found your story through spikedmango's page, and I'm proud to announce that I've very glad I went user-page hopping.

This story is lovely. The prologue was enthralling, making the reader really curious as to what was going to happen to Sasilyna (By the way, I'm glad you put the pronunciations at the bottom - I was having a hell of an argument with myself over how it should be pronounced!).

I love how you describe the setting. Arhymnia sounds beautiful - or, at least, that's how I picture it in my head. Your use of imagery is wonderful. You definitely have a knack for word-choice. Your descriptions are spot-on and enticing: "Dreary clouds misted over an early morning..." The way you write is just beautiful.

One thing: "She was the trainer and leader of the small guard and militia that protected the fiefdom a job which was not much for any man, but an extreme honor or disgrace for a woman." You may want to a comma after 'fiefdom,' because otherwise it's just a run-on sentence.

I love your descriptions of the castle. (Can you tell? I'm realy hung up on your style of writing. It's gorgeous.)

"They weren’t the only ones in the one to have close animal friends." I'm not sure what you meant with the second 'one.' Castle, perhaps? Fiefdom? You may want to clarify.

"Lorenda had achieved an astonishing quantity of self-control, and from the hyper child she once was, to the now mellow and well managed young woman she was now..." I would suggest taking out the 'now' before mellow. It's a bit redundant to say it there, then again at the end of the phrase.

"... wearing clothes similar to what a gypsy in a bawdy house would wear." LOVED that line. Bawdy... *g*

I love the exchange between the three sisters. And the snake... creepy.

Excellent so far. I'll definitely be back for more. You hav a real gift.


8/26/2007 c30 kashi-kaito
Rochelle, first, I'm sorry for not reviewing sooner. But alas, my internet has been gone until now, blame the mother that birthed me.

Boy o boy, where to begin. I could start with the other two chapters I just read finally, but I'll leave those for when I re-read all of it.

Hooray, they finally made it! After a huge journey, fighting a giant critter, and then coming back, Sasilyna and the army, not to mention a dragon, make it there just in time.

I'm kinda suprised at you for this. It's writing on a new level. You're throwing more into hidden meanings and such, instead of just writing about a battle.

Well, I don't have all that much time right now, so, I'll end this now. I know I gotta get better at this sorta thing


p.s.~Are you coming backup here any time soon?
8/25/2007 c30 21Faith Adeline
Aw, the father sacrificed himself. How sad. This was a very well written chapter, very good. I really hate Willon. Like, really, really hate him. Hah. The detail and writing in this chapter were suberb! A couple grammatical errors, I'm not sure where I saw them, but they can be easily fixed. Again, this was a great chapter and I cannot wait for more! So update soon!

8/25/2007 c30 1A.V.Mackie
Wow, that was damn near an epic battle! Not quite, since it doesn't sound like it ends there, but damn near epic. I'm all sad that Angard'dul is gone, he was a wonderful character, very strong, very inspiring, I'll miss him. Wonderful work as always, keep it up and I can see this becoming a published work some day.
7/18/2007 c29 21Faith Adeline
Ahh I was finally able to finish the last 4 chapters. I love this story and cannot wait for more! The characters have such depth to them, and it's beautifully written. Update soon!

7/16/2007 c2 38Kenna-Kat11
well finally i got to read this chapter and so here it goes..(please don't yell at me if it isn't that long as my reviews don't usally go past a paragraph but i will try) :)

1) I would first like to congratualte you on your use of words. You use good description and imagery throughout the story that makes is that much more enjoyable.

2)When Sasilyna first sees the shadow, I would expect her to act just a little more suspicious as this is a part you could use to build up the tension/suspense. However when the other two feel the prescence the 'feeling' is much better

3)I know that you are well into your story and that there are 3 main characters, but it is slightly difficult to follow when the chapter jumps through three different perspectives.. if you take my meaning. I am not saying you have to change this i am just merely stating that it may be difficult to follow if it jumps too much

4)You ended the chapter in a great way with a cliffhanger leaving the reader wanting to read more. This will help coax new people (like me) into continuing your story as it shows them you can build the suspense up to the 'moment'

Overall i really love this story so far and i am very anxious to read more. Keep a look out for me!

7/15/2007 c24 21Faith Adeline
wow, this is an awesome story! I still have to finish a couple chapters, but I decided to review now. I'm loving it so far and cannot wait to finish the rest! Keep up the amazing work.

7/8/2007 c1 1Tris Kirk
I'm liking this so far. The words flow together nicely.

7/6/2007 c1 38Kenna-Kat11
It seems to have a rather good plot/story line so far with a good insight on the characters and such...you description are great too with just enough information it lets the reader experience what you are telling them yet not so much that it bores the heck out of them...i will keep a tab on this one... though it might take me a little while to get to the other chapters...so keep a look out!

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