for Wolfshifter6/13/2004 c1 
11Earthsong12
Hey, this is really neat. I like the idea, but the writing seems...rushed, somehow. I’m not really sure why. It sounds breathless, maybe because it’s all action and no description? Sorry, I’m not being very helpful.
The other thing is when people are having a conversation, each peron’s dialogue should start a new line. It just makes it easier to read.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I really do like this. It’s a really cool idea. Good job, and update soon! ^_^
11Earthsong12Hey, this is really neat. I like the idea, but the writing seems...rushed, somehow. I’m not really sure why. It sounds breathless, maybe because it’s all action and no description? Sorry, I’m not being very helpful.
The other thing is when people are having a conversation, each peron’s dialogue should start a new line. It just makes it easier to read.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I really do like this. It’s a really cool idea. Good job, and update soon! ^_^