Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for In Realtime

9/9/2004 c9 23vintage fade
I don't like this one as much as I liked 'Off Stage', but this is still good. I know someone else suggested this, but you should think of getting a Beta Reader. The misspelled words are starting to confuse me... At times, it comes across that Lana and Deca are the same person... Is it just me? Oh, and you mentioned Matchbox Twenty! Yay for you! They are the best band, singer, whatever you call them. To me at least. I haven't listened to anything else other than them since February of this year or something... Good story, I'd like to read more.
much love
Vintage Fade
7/12/2004 c9 1Stevshals
i really like this. UPDATE SOON!
7/1/2004 c8 vampyre-night
wow. I love it. It's just as good and mysterious as Off Stage. You have to continue with this...or else...
6/30/2004 c8 Stevshals
I love your stories. You are extremely poetic.
6/15/2004 c6 14arbysauce93
Very nice, and very sweet. again, you used beautiful lanuguage and descriptions.
6/15/2004 c5 arbysauce93
Ah. . .and the romance comes in. You use beautiful descriptions. The eyes sound so awesome. I'm thinking that somethings about to happen, so I'm going on to the next chapter.
6/13/2004 c4 arbysauce93
Nice chapter. It hads more humor and less of the tragic slow poetic style, but it's nice to read none-the-less and when you write in this stlye actually get somewhere in the present, even if it isn't as nice to read perhaps. Sven. Hmm. Nice name.
6/13/2004 c3 arbysauce93
Wow. I managed to get way behind. Anyways, I really like this chapter. Itis in such a soft and depressing style. The reality is almost mistaken. Beautiful. And you teach lessons in this chapter, not that it interferes with your story. I think it is really nice. This is a really good chapter. On to chapter 4
6/8/2004 c2 arbysauce93
This sounds really good. I don't really see exactly how it fits into the first chapter, but hopefully I'll figure it out. I really like the last line of this chapter. IT makes eveything suspensful. Great story, and keep writing!
6/2/2004 c1 arbysauce93
This is really good so far, very realistic. I like the laid back style that it is taking. Just a few things that I found grammatically, or otherwise,
-the car's radio should be slow, not fast
-"But all either of hear it". . .? Should it be, but all either of us hear is
-her instead of he in third to last paragraph
-head's instead of heads in 2nd to last paragraph
I just had to point these out incase if you ever really got the urge to switch out this version, not like I ever would. Please don't take this personally. You have a great story on your hands, i simply had to find critiques. Keep writing! I'm interested in what happened to their friend, and how this is going to play out to be a romance. i guess I'll just have to wait and find out

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service