8/6/2004 c1 foxdance too lazy to sign in
Ah, the story you were telling me about, concretized... Anyway, good job. Some typos, and some sentences could be contructed in a more heart-ripping manner, but good nonetheless. You're in that phase in a writer's life where your pen in perpetually dipped in angst.
and pst: You said you'd credit me as a muse for the graveyard ending I suggested... *wants to be a Greek muse with a matching temple and statue*
Ah, the story you were telling me about, concretized... Anyway, good job. Some typos, and some sentences could be contructed in a more heart-ripping manner, but good nonetheless. You're in that phase in a writer's life where your pen in perpetually dipped in angst.
and pst: You said you'd credit me as a muse for the graveyard ending I suggested... *wants to be a Greek muse with a matching temple and statue*
6/13/2004 c1 Mint
Tearjerking as usual, Geoff. ;_; Interesting topic to pick, and it was pretty well written with little grammatical errors / typos ( at least, I didn't see any.) Usually this would be a really hard topic to touch on, but it really struck chords with me the way you portrayed Iris's simplicity and yearning wish for her Dad just to be happy.
And the pain and frustration felt by Jared was very well described. Gotta give you props!
I cried myself silly over it ... *sniffs* ... Write more one-shots! *shakes you* ^^ I hope you win the competition or something ~~ All in all, I think it matches up to Christmas in LA ^_^v
Tearjerking as usual, Geoff. ;_; Interesting topic to pick, and it was pretty well written with little grammatical errors / typos ( at least, I didn't see any.) Usually this would be a really hard topic to touch on, but it really struck chords with me the way you portrayed Iris's simplicity and yearning wish for her Dad just to be happy.
And the pain and frustration felt by Jared was very well described. Gotta give you props!
I cried myself silly over it ... *sniffs* ... Write more one-shots! *shakes you* ^^ I hope you win the competition or something ~~ All in all, I think it matches up to Christmas in LA ^_^v
6/9/2004 c1 31Cindy Moon
Still a little raw, some tweaking needing, but it was better than the version I read during the meeting. Some phrases kill the tone of the story. (Subtle sarcasm still can be sensed ^_~)
I have to give you props for this one. Emotional heartwretching. (What are you trying to do to your readers?)The title still irks me, but I guess the length of it gives it a little flair. Yellow on a rose, the color of friendship. Amazing, you actually wrote a SHORT story. ^^ Congrats. Anyways, I'm just rambling now. Watch out for some of my stuff this summer, and yes I'll be checking my e-mail.
Keep writing, (and yet slow down so I can keep up with you ^_~) Lolz, I'm dating a fellow writer. -dies of laughter-
-Cindy Moon *)
Still a little raw, some tweaking needing, but it was better than the version I read during the meeting. Some phrases kill the tone of the story. (Subtle sarcasm still can be sensed ^_~)
I have to give you props for this one. Emotional heartwretching. (What are you trying to do to your readers?)The title still irks me, but I guess the length of it gives it a little flair. Yellow on a rose, the color of friendship. Amazing, you actually wrote a SHORT story. ^^ Congrats. Anyways, I'm just rambling now. Watch out for some of my stuff this summer, and yes I'll be checking my e-mail.
Keep writing, (and yet slow down so I can keep up with you ^_~) Lolz, I'm dating a fellow writer. -dies of laughter-
-Cindy Moon *)