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11/16/2005 c1 20Pheobe Meryll
Hm...the emotion was good, and I like your style overall, but it needs to be cleaned up a bit. I would suggest trying to seperate it into shorter paragraphs and working on the grammar. You had a lot of tense trouble in this one. I do get the feeling though that you would do good with grammar if you only proofread so do take the time.

Forgetting the cc, though, you really have a good emotional style, which is evident by your numberous one-shots. It's a good thing to have in your style, so keep it up!
7/15/2005 c1 345pm
Well well well...first thing first, she definitely should NOT be going out at 1 am in the morning. HELLO? creeps out there! And secondly, walk further into the ocean won't help. Why not do something actually worth well than running around when it's dark!

However, i admire her courage of walking out that late, i'd get grounded if i do...
7/5/2004 c1 Bob
There's something you will never get... never ever ever...

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