for Revelations1/24/2005 c1 
38TheLiving Dead123
Wow this is so confuzzling...not to mention horrid too. Just kidding, Moses.. Sp IT SUCKS! I liked Alice in Wonderland better than this 1! That gay joke was awful in ur random crap *walks away tossing this in trash*
38TheLiving Dead123Wow this is so confuzzling...not to mention horrid too. Just kidding, Moses.. Sp IT SUCKS! I liked Alice in Wonderland better than this 1! That gay joke was awful in ur random crap *walks away tossing this in trash*
10/6/2004 c2 fragmented blue
Doctor Snaranburten...? Interesting lie he tells everyone though. Biological bomb. I think maybe Setsuna would like to set off a bioligical bomb on the Clan Council. Well, not really. Anyway, I'm being officially kicked off the computer now, but I will try my best to come back and review this story, beacuse it's turning out to be very interesting.
Doctor Snaranburten...? Interesting lie he tells everyone though. Biological bomb. I think maybe Setsuna would like to set off a bioligical bomb on the Clan Council. Well, not really. Anyway, I'm being officially kicked off the computer now, but I will try my best to come back and review this story, beacuse it's turning out to be very interesting.
10/6/2004 c1 fragmented blue
Interesting start. French names though, if I'm not mistaken. Pierre and Jaques. Couple of things, though.
-"...in the kind of deep down, gut feeling you get when you see a compost pile, and you just know that its going to be crawling with maggots." Normally, it's not a good idea to use "you" like that. If you wanted to describe something, then you could replace those "yous" with "he." It works better that way, because as one person described it, the reader is not the one there, the one knowing about that "gut feeling." Pierre is the one with the feeling, so that's why it would work better with "he."
-"...while attempting to peal a footbal player away from Pierre." "Peal" is "peel."
Interesting start. French names though, if I'm not mistaken. Pierre and Jaques. Couple of things, though.
-"...in the kind of deep down, gut feeling you get when you see a compost pile, and you just know that its going to be crawling with maggots." Normally, it's not a good idea to use "you" like that. If you wanted to describe something, then you could replace those "yous" with "he." It works better that way, because as one person described it, the reader is not the one there, the one knowing about that "gut feeling." Pierre is the one with the feeling, so that's why it would work better with "he."
-"...while attempting to peal a footbal player away from Pierre." "Peal" is "peel."
8/1/2004 c4 17Cattails
Oh, boy. His mind is SCARY! But the story ROCKS! Poor Sam. Anyway, update soon! Tata!
(P.S. Sorry bout not updating. I'm having bad writer's block on that and another of my stories :S)
17CattailsOh, boy. His mind is SCARY! But the story ROCKS! Poor Sam. Anyway, update soon! Tata!
(P.S. Sorry bout not updating. I'm having bad writer's block on that and another of my stories :S)
7/23/2004 c4 3Larania Mahera
Why when she asks questions does it go #1, #2, #3, #5. You do the same thing when the questions are answered. Do you have something against the number 4?
~Larania Mahera~
3Larania MaheraWhy when she asks questions does it go #1, #2, #3, #5. You do the same thing when the questions are answered. Do you have something against the number 4?
~Larania Mahera~
7/23/2004 c1 Larania Mahera
the tallest ninth grader in his grade? as opposed to the tallest ninth grader in another grade? Sorry, I nit pick. It was very interesting. I must read more now.
the tallest ninth grader in his grade? as opposed to the tallest ninth grader in another grade? Sorry, I nit pick. It was very interesting. I must read more now.
6/13/2004 c4 4Neveah Snow
I like the concept. But you completely lost me on the last chapter. Remember your audience when you write, put a little more detail in so we can keep up.
The plot has so much room! You could go anywhere with this story. It's great!
4Neveah SnowI like the concept. But you completely lost me on the last chapter. Remember your audience when you write, put a little more detail in so we can keep up.
The plot has so much room! You could go anywhere with this story. It's great!