for Bad Blood7/22/2008 c1 
2M.R.Sanner
Intresting chapter to start off with . The chapter really draws the reader in and makes them question what the heck is going on ( which is typically a good thing when done right) and why this guys guts are practically exploding out of him ( I know over-dramatizing it there .) It really leaves the reader wanting to know more (well it does for me .) The characters personality shines even in just this small chapter .Great job on that .
Over all this isn't bad first chapter .
M.R.Sanner
P.s.
I absolutely adore all the books you have listed on your profile . Especially No Humans involved which was fabulous as are all the Kim Harrisons and Patricia Briggs . Yay for urban Fantasy !
2M.R.SannerIntresting chapter to start off with . The chapter really draws the reader in and makes them question what the heck is going on ( which is typically a good thing when done right) and why this guys guts are practically exploding out of him ( I know over-dramatizing it there .) It really leaves the reader wanting to know more (well it does for me .) The characters personality shines even in just this small chapter .Great job on that .
Over all this isn't bad first chapter .
M.R.Sanner
P.s.
I absolutely adore all the books you have listed on your profile . Especially No Humans involved which was fabulous as are all the Kim Harrisons and Patricia Briggs . Yay for urban Fantasy !
6/16/2008 c16 4KohanKasumi
Wow.AH-MAZING.
I love it so much. I continue to read it when I get time.
I noticed a typo though.
I glanced at a newspaper rack. Cross-species marriages rise in number, the headline on the local culture page read. I took a swig of my orange juice and decided to job for a while. To get this surge of energy out of my system.
I'm pretty sure job should be JOG. But other than that GREAT AMAZING SUPER DUPER JOB!
4KohanKasumiWow.AH-MAZING.
I love it so much. I continue to read it when I get time.
I noticed a typo though.
I glanced at a newspaper rack. Cross-species marriages rise in number, the headline on the local culture page read. I took a swig of my orange juice and decided to job for a while. To get this surge of energy out of my system.
I'm pretty sure job should be JOG. But other than that GREAT AMAZING SUPER DUPER JOB!
6/10/2008 c35 9Demonic Huntress
I loved your story! For not knowing where you were going most of the time, it sure did turn out all right. I tend to do the same thing, though. =D Time to go read more of your stuffs!
9Demonic HuntressI loved your story! For not knowing where you were going most of the time, it sure did turn out all right. I tend to do the same thing, though. =D Time to go read more of your stuffs!
4/24/2008 c35 1Error 404 Page Does Not Exist
*squeals* I absolutely LOVED it! Took me three nights to finish the story but it was worth it! I
1Error 404 Page Does Not Exist*squeals* I absolutely LOVED it! Took me three nights to finish the story but it was worth it! I
3/19/2008 c35 AMM3485
Oh my gosh! This story rocked! I think the funniest line was when she said he ruined her dress lol. I look forward to checking out the sequel. Very good job!
Oh my gosh! This story rocked! I think the funniest line was when she said he ruined her dress lol. I look forward to checking out the sequel. Very good job!
3/8/2008 c19 3AJS
I love vampire stories, and usually I never give up on a fic but... I just feel like this fic isn't really going very far, and the way that you portray characters, especially girls, it pretty degrading. I'm not even a feminist in the slightest but reading some things in here make me cringe.
Do these characters know nothing about relationships? Why was Avery kissing Dana AND Sirel when he was still with his girlfriend? why was Jamnis pursuing dana when he was in a relationship with sirel? why was sirel smiling and saying that jamnis was flirting with dana when jamnis was her boyfriend? doesn't dana care at all that one hour avery was kissing her and the next we was frolicking around with sirel? why isn't anyone BOTHERED by all this cheating?
Furthermore, Jamnis didn't seem to like sirel at all, so why was he with her? The same went for Sirel. It didn't even seem like they were really even in a relationship. Also, the idea that Dana only gets Jamnis after he was done with Sirel is kind of gross. Like sloppy seconds. The whole thing just doesn't make much sense. Also, when Jamnis and Dana get together, he says that he can't always be faithful to her because he'll have to feed off of other people too, but just because he has to feed doesn't mean that he has to kiss every other person he feeds off of, does it? And why can't he just feed off of guys instead of girls? This doesn't make much sense either.
In chapter 17, why does dana say that she's the single big sister, when she's dating jamnis? also, you said that pallas should be scared about being bitten again my a vampire or entering a relationship with one, but isn't she already in a relationship with avery?
In this chapter, how can Jamnis ask why dana didn't call her when he didn't even give her his phone number or anything? Also, why doesn't Dana mention this at all? She doesn't even act mad, even though she was really hurt to hear that Jamnis was calling Sirel twice a night and didn't even call her once? After he promised. What also gets me really angry is that Jamnis appeared and acted like nothing happened, like he didn't break his promise to call her, even when he was calling other girls.
Also, when Sirel was attacked, why was she even in their old room to begin with?
Another thing that bothers me is Michael's character. He's so insensitive, I don't see how Dana can still view him as good. He keeps on insisting that Dana comes back home and calls her sister and etc. etc. when he KNOWS how her family treated her. To insist that she come back to a place that she hated enough to escape - goodness, isn't that pretty selfish? It also kills me how Dana can't even speak up for herself. It's like she has no energy or something to fight Michael. She just immediately feels guilty even though she didn't even do anything wrong.
Another character who bothers me a lot in this story is Sirel. She's a really off character, I don't know. A lot of times I read about her and think how in the hell she and Dana can be best friends. It just doesn't really seem like it. I don't know. It's like there's something off and ingenuine about their friendship. Especially in the whole Jamnis business.
This is just my opinion. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I just feel like a lot hasn't been taken into consideration while writing this story. I don't know if you're a guy or a girl, and I don't know if you write relationships this way because you want a relationship where the girl is completely dependent on the guy and the weaker sex, but it's thoroughly annoying to read about relationships like this, even as a person who's not all for women's rights, in your face men and women are equal. Even when you do try to make it so that the girls stand up to the boys, it's usually not even for valid reasons and it seems like really petty reasons.
- Alyssa
3AJSI love vampire stories, and usually I never give up on a fic but... I just feel like this fic isn't really going very far, and the way that you portray characters, especially girls, it pretty degrading. I'm not even a feminist in the slightest but reading some things in here make me cringe.
Do these characters know nothing about relationships? Why was Avery kissing Dana AND Sirel when he was still with his girlfriend? why was Jamnis pursuing dana when he was in a relationship with sirel? why was sirel smiling and saying that jamnis was flirting with dana when jamnis was her boyfriend? doesn't dana care at all that one hour avery was kissing her and the next we was frolicking around with sirel? why isn't anyone BOTHERED by all this cheating?
Furthermore, Jamnis didn't seem to like sirel at all, so why was he with her? The same went for Sirel. It didn't even seem like they were really even in a relationship. Also, the idea that Dana only gets Jamnis after he was done with Sirel is kind of gross. Like sloppy seconds. The whole thing just doesn't make much sense. Also, when Jamnis and Dana get together, he says that he can't always be faithful to her because he'll have to feed off of other people too, but just because he has to feed doesn't mean that he has to kiss every other person he feeds off of, does it? And why can't he just feed off of guys instead of girls? This doesn't make much sense either.
In chapter 17, why does dana say that she's the single big sister, when she's dating jamnis? also, you said that pallas should be scared about being bitten again my a vampire or entering a relationship with one, but isn't she already in a relationship with avery?
In this chapter, how can Jamnis ask why dana didn't call her when he didn't even give her his phone number or anything? Also, why doesn't Dana mention this at all? She doesn't even act mad, even though she was really hurt to hear that Jamnis was calling Sirel twice a night and didn't even call her once? After he promised. What also gets me really angry is that Jamnis appeared and acted like nothing happened, like he didn't break his promise to call her, even when he was calling other girls.
Also, when Sirel was attacked, why was she even in their old room to begin with?
Another thing that bothers me is Michael's character. He's so insensitive, I don't see how Dana can still view him as good. He keeps on insisting that Dana comes back home and calls her sister and etc. etc. when he KNOWS how her family treated her. To insist that she come back to a place that she hated enough to escape - goodness, isn't that pretty selfish? It also kills me how Dana can't even speak up for herself. It's like she has no energy or something to fight Michael. She just immediately feels guilty even though she didn't even do anything wrong.
Another character who bothers me a lot in this story is Sirel. She's a really off character, I don't know. A lot of times I read about her and think how in the hell she and Dana can be best friends. It just doesn't really seem like it. I don't know. It's like there's something off and ingenuine about their friendship. Especially in the whole Jamnis business.
This is just my opinion. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I just feel like a lot hasn't been taken into consideration while writing this story. I don't know if you're a guy or a girl, and I don't know if you write relationships this way because you want a relationship where the girl is completely dependent on the guy and the weaker sex, but it's thoroughly annoying to read about relationships like this, even as a person who's not all for women's rights, in your face men and women are equal. Even when you do try to make it so that the girls stand up to the boys, it's usually not even for valid reasons and it seems like really petty reasons.
- Alyssa
1/28/2008 c1 5HeatherLee
hey, sorry my reviews are out of order, just so you know this is the third one i'm leaving you. i have a question that always bugged me...why didnt Jamnis call Dana when he was away? he called sirel but not dana? and dana had been so upset about that but then just forgot to bring it up? well maybe it had been pushed to the back of her mind but i still would like to know why he never called her because it never made sense to me. thats all, sorry for bugging you again
5HeatherLeehey, sorry my reviews are out of order, just so you know this is the third one i'm leaving you. i have a question that always bugged me...why didnt Jamnis call Dana when he was away? he called sirel but not dana? and dana had been so upset about that but then just forgot to bring it up? well maybe it had been pushed to the back of her mind but i still would like to know why he never called her because it never made sense to me. thats all, sorry for bugging you again
1/27/2008 c35 HeatherLee
wow ok, so this story pretty much took me two days to read (and i am a fast reader) and i loved every second of it. i liked the plot a lot. there were a lot of unique qualities to your vampires and their way of life. i LOVED that this was set in a different...society (i guess) where vampires are out in the open and catered to by the public. that was such a good idea! also (and this is a big thing) it IRRITATES me to NO end when people have old vampires talking in slang. its ridiculous because they would never do that. you didnt do that, you always had the vampires talk like i think they should talk and then you would infuse little things like avery saying "yo" on the phone, to show that they are changing with the time. the only other thing i would do when it comes to their speach is, ok now i dont know what the word for this is cuz i suck at grammer, but instead of saying "can't" say "can not" or "cannot"...i hope that makes sense. so yea like i said the only problems i had with this story, i told you in my last review but i want you to know that this story is incredible and if you havent already, i think you should look into getting it published. i'm off to read the sequel!
~ Heather
wow ok, so this story pretty much took me two days to read (and i am a fast reader) and i loved every second of it. i liked the plot a lot. there were a lot of unique qualities to your vampires and their way of life. i LOVED that this was set in a different...society (i guess) where vampires are out in the open and catered to by the public. that was such a good idea! also (and this is a big thing) it IRRITATES me to NO end when people have old vampires talking in slang. its ridiculous because they would never do that. you didnt do that, you always had the vampires talk like i think they should talk and then you would infuse little things like avery saying "yo" on the phone, to show that they are changing with the time. the only other thing i would do when it comes to their speach is, ok now i dont know what the word for this is cuz i suck at grammer, but instead of saying "can't" say "can not" or "cannot"...i hope that makes sense. so yea like i said the only problems i had with this story, i told you in my last review but i want you to know that this story is incredible and if you havent already, i think you should look into getting it published. i'm off to read the sequel!
~ Heather
1/27/2008 c32 HeatherLee
ok, i'm almost done reading but i wanted to give you a few comments before i forgot them. for one, in the beginning of this chapter, dana was complaining that scott didnt glamour her out of her pain, but doesnt she have a stopper on that? wasnt that the whole point of her and vlad going out into the woods so she would be ABLE to be glamoured anymore? if there is a time limit on that kind of thing you need to add that or if there isnt, then you need to take that line of Dana's out of this chapter. also, you leave questions open, then answer them but dont explain it to the reader. i'm sorry, that probably doesnt make sense but i have examples: 1) michael kept telling dana that he had a secret to tell her when he was up near her school. now i am ASSUMING that the secret was that he was gay/dating a vampire/dating the vampire that almost killed her but you never explained that. either michael still has a secret that dana isnt worried about figuring out or michael doenst care to tell her anymore, or you need to re write that. you need a point of recognition by the main charater. a paragraph when shes like "oh, thats what he was talking about!" the other example, 2) was that you also never really explained why jamnis and avery didnt like minerva. i am, again, ASSUMING its because they dont belong to a coven and especially because they dont belong to their coven but you never explain that properly. like i said you open these questions and the answers to them are in the form of clues, not answers. i really hope that rambling made sense...sorry if it didnt, and now im gong to go finish your wonderful story!
~Heather
ok, i'm almost done reading but i wanted to give you a few comments before i forgot them. for one, in the beginning of this chapter, dana was complaining that scott didnt glamour her out of her pain, but doesnt she have a stopper on that? wasnt that the whole point of her and vlad going out into the woods so she would be ABLE to be glamoured anymore? if there is a time limit on that kind of thing you need to add that or if there isnt, then you need to take that line of Dana's out of this chapter. also, you leave questions open, then answer them but dont explain it to the reader. i'm sorry, that probably doesnt make sense but i have examples: 1) michael kept telling dana that he had a secret to tell her when he was up near her school. now i am ASSUMING that the secret was that he was gay/dating a vampire/dating the vampire that almost killed her but you never explained that. either michael still has a secret that dana isnt worried about figuring out or michael doenst care to tell her anymore, or you need to re write that. you need a point of recognition by the main charater. a paragraph when shes like "oh, thats what he was talking about!" the other example, 2) was that you also never really explained why jamnis and avery didnt like minerva. i am, again, ASSUMING its because they dont belong to a coven and especially because they dont belong to their coven but you never explain that properly. like i said you open these questions and the answers to them are in the form of clues, not answers. i really hope that rambling made sense...sorry if it didnt, and now im gong to go finish your wonderful story!
~Heather
1/19/2008 c9 Someone
Oh my gosh! I love and hate Avery!
Oh my gosh! I love and hate Avery!
1/14/2008 c35 2Rizzy
WOW!
this has to be one of the best and enjoyable fiction stories I've read on here! I've laughed and cried reading this! I've LOVE the characters in this, they just make the story all the more interesting to read. Good job.
Jammy is a sweetheart, a big fierce (HAWT) teddy bear.
Avery, well, I'm still a little shocked of learning he's Gavin's FATHER. =O Had me reeling on that one haha
Dana is a dynamic narrator and definitely had a great time going through the plot roller coaster with her.
Gavin. Man, let me tell you I hated his guts the first time, but I think I've warmed up to him.
Vlad is just adorable. Every girl needs one! haha.
Sirel is a bestfriend a girl could want/need =)
Michael feels like the brother I should have had (since I'm an only ;3) and good for him for coming out!
Thank you, thank you for this wonderful work! Now off to read the sequel ;)
2RizzyWOW!
this has to be one of the best and enjoyable fiction stories I've read on here! I've laughed and cried reading this! I've LOVE the characters in this, they just make the story all the more interesting to read. Good job.
Jammy is a sweetheart, a big fierce (HAWT) teddy bear.
Avery, well, I'm still a little shocked of learning he's Gavin's FATHER. =O Had me reeling on that one haha
Dana is a dynamic narrator and definitely had a great time going through the plot roller coaster with her.
Gavin. Man, let me tell you I hated his guts the first time, but I think I've warmed up to him.
Vlad is just adorable. Every girl needs one! haha.
Sirel is a bestfriend a girl could want/need =)
Michael feels like the brother I should have had (since I'm an only ;3) and good for him for coming out!
Thank you, thank you for this wonderful work! Now off to read the sequel ;)