for Inner Demonz8/30/2009 c5 
6light.and.darkness.angel
confusing. very confusing. i'm going to be honest
it has a good plot line. but you have way to many twists and turns. first off you have someone saying raven is a demon and she is some guys 'mate' in this life or universe or whatever now your saying they're the seven deadly sins. too confusing for anyone to follow. please try and clear it up! this looks like it would make an amazing story, if it weren't so jumbled. its almost as if you decided to have an entire new plot in the middle of writing.
6light.and.darkness.angelconfusing. very confusing. i'm going to be honest
it has a good plot line. but you have way to many twists and turns. first off you have someone saying raven is a demon and she is some guys 'mate' in this life or universe or whatever now your saying they're the seven deadly sins. too confusing for anyone to follow. please try and clear it up! this looks like it would make an amazing story, if it weren't so jumbled. its almost as if you decided to have an entire new plot in the middle of writing.
8/14/2009 c4 light.and.darkness.angel
hmm love triangle?
interesting plot, thanks for clearing some thigns up! it was still a tad bit choppy in some parts, but other than that, it was fabulous! :)
i'm interested to hear more about adrian's character!
update soon!
hmm love triangle?
interesting plot, thanks for clearing some thigns up! it was still a tad bit choppy in some parts, but other than that, it was fabulous! :)
i'm interested to hear more about adrian's character!
update soon!
8/13/2009 c3 light.and.darkness.angel
mkay very good story, very well written i like it alot but...
first of all, you have alot of small words missing wich makes it choppy and makes people have to re-read scentances and it interupts the flow, what i suggest is before posting the chapter, go through it after you upload it, and re-read it slowly to make sure you didn't miss any words.
second of all, What color is ravens hair? in chapter three, her hair is supposedly black, but in chapter 2, her hair is said to be red, if you could clarify that, it would help!
i'm not trying to bash this story at all, truly i think its great and i do like the vocabulary used but there are small words missing here and there that make it a bit choppy.
mkay very good story, very well written i like it alot but...
first of all, you have alot of small words missing wich makes it choppy and makes people have to re-read scentances and it interupts the flow, what i suggest is before posting the chapter, go through it after you upload it, and re-read it slowly to make sure you didn't miss any words.
second of all, What color is ravens hair? in chapter three, her hair is supposedly black, but in chapter 2, her hair is said to be red, if you could clarify that, it would help!
i'm not trying to bash this story at all, truly i think its great and i do like the vocabulary used but there are small words missing here and there that make it a bit choppy.
1/19/2005 c2 15MeiDarkreign
...Obsessed with Spike, much? Anyway, fairly good, better than your other chapter anyway. This chapter stayed focused. However, it is a little rushed. But, that's alright. Just go a bit slower and explain more. Besides that, it was pretty good.
15MeiDarkreign...Obsessed with Spike, much? Anyway, fairly good, better than your other chapter anyway. This chapter stayed focused. However, it is a little rushed. But, that's alright. Just go a bit slower and explain more. Besides that, it was pretty good.
6/15/2004 c1 MurdockManson
Woah...amazing. You didn't have a plot? looked like it...it's great. I like it, and I'd definitely like to see more.
Woah...amazing. You didn't have a plot? looked like it...it's great. I like it, and I'd definitely like to see more.
6/13/2004 c1 5Cause and Effect
o this is good! May I ask Why you chose to put my name in the story... you see my name is Raven too...anyways besides that little fact, its a good story and you do have a bit of a plot starting. If I may suggestion, add in a few more details? Its just a suggestion, it doesn't matter if you do it or not. Your story is great and its very easy to understand, so far. The words flow good together. So yeah, I except an update from you soon! ^-^
5Cause and Effecto this is good! May I ask Why you chose to put my name in the story... you see my name is Raven too...anyways besides that little fact, its a good story and you do have a bit of a plot starting. If I may suggestion, add in a few more details? Its just a suggestion, it doesn't matter if you do it or not. Your story is great and its very easy to understand, so far. The words flow good together. So yeah, I except an update from you soon! ^-^
6/13/2004 c1 me
*stares at the last sentence grinning*
...isn't it cool how they copyright it?
lol well it is technically the last sentence haha! anyways i am rather confused... no not rather i am just confused -.-' you kind of lost me and this was a bit rushed if you ask me. *shakes head* i am so confused... that i really don;t know if i would read more of this or not.
*stares at the last sentence grinning*
...isn't it cool how they copyright it?
lol well it is technically the last sentence haha! anyways i am rather confused... no not rather i am just confused -.-' you kind of lost me and this was a bit rushed if you ask me. *shakes head* i am so confused... that i really don;t know if i would read more of this or not.