for Melee2/17/2005 c1 aims80
Interesting beginning, keep up the good work. :)
Interesting beginning, keep up the good work. :)
1/11/2005 c1 aims80
Interesting and very descriptive, I like that.
Interesting and very descriptive, I like that.
11/7/2004 c1 emmi
I like this very much - the writing is very good - but somehow the main char seems strangely detatched from the battle. It's almost as if your sentences are too long, unsuitable for the quick thinking battle requires. It makes the story almost.. boring? I found myself reading more quickly to get to the end faster.
Keep at it!
~emmi
I like this very much - the writing is very good - but somehow the main char seems strangely detatched from the battle. It's almost as if your sentences are too long, unsuitable for the quick thinking battle requires. It makes the story almost.. boring? I found myself reading more quickly to get to the end faster.
Keep at it!
~emmi
6/27/2004 c1 cheeeee
Very nicely written, isn't too graphic and flows well. The only problem is it is hard to tell what tim period it is. I am getting the feeling that it is set around 1290-1314. Or Braveheart period some would call it. Otherwise I like it(even though if I was writing a story like this I would do a Scottish soldier's view).
Very nicely written, isn't too graphic and flows well. The only problem is it is hard to tell what tim period it is. I am getting the feeling that it is set around 1290-1314. Or Braveheart period some would call it. Otherwise I like it(even though if I was writing a story like this I would do a Scottish soldier's view).
6/19/2004 c1 
10Allesandra Thornbird
What time period is this? Seems quite a bit like Braveheart, so perhaps the narrator is one of Longshank's soilders. Very good battle description and imagery.
- Allesandra Thornbird
10Allesandra ThornbirdWhat time period is this? Seems quite a bit like Braveheart, so perhaps the narrator is one of Longshank's soilders. Very good battle description and imagery.
- Allesandra Thornbird
6/17/2004 c1 21Bloodlilly
This one has an oddly detached tone. I think the image of mist might have something to do with that, or maybe the first person point of view. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the style is more professional than graphic, like Owen is a veteran, but that's not a bad thing at all. I liked the ending, in that the story ends before the battle does. Good work ^.^
21BloodlillyThis one has an oddly detached tone. I think the image of mist might have something to do with that, or maybe the first person point of view. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the style is more professional than graphic, like Owen is a veteran, but that's not a bad thing at all. I liked the ending, in that the story ends before the battle does. Good work ^.^