for Losing Control10/1/2004 c1 
16Pico the Great
I did like this poem. I liked the rythm of the first two lines, and was slightly startled to find that it did not continue into the whole-at least not in the same way. Some of the rhyme was awkward, but overall, the stumbling feel of it worked out pretty well. (No offense meant, BTW.)
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Keep writing!
-PTG
16Pico the GreatI did like this poem. I liked the rythm of the first two lines, and was slightly startled to find that it did not continue into the whole-at least not in the same way. Some of the rhyme was awkward, but overall, the stumbling feel of it worked out pretty well. (No offense meant, BTW.)
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Keep writing!
-PTG
8/2/2004 c1 74LordK
Reviewing as I go: I don't know what it is about the first three lines, but they are for some reason perfect in the meter and rhyming.
Like the next three, don't understand the third three, had to think about it. You'd kill your wings? Is that it?
And the rest: Flows sublimely. I love "So instead I make up rhymes" very interesting take on it.
Overall: I'm very glad you aren't keeping your opinions on a shelf!
74LordKReviewing as I go: I don't know what it is about the first three lines, but they are for some reason perfect in the meter and rhyming.
Like the next three, don't understand the third three, had to think about it. You'd kill your wings? Is that it?
And the rest: Flows sublimely. I love "So instead I make up rhymes" very interesting take on it.
Overall: I'm very glad you aren't keeping your opinions on a shelf!
7/5/2004 c1 89lalamushu
wow, this is an amazing piece of work right here. i like the format you used as well. very intense to proving your point. well done.
89lalamushuwow, this is an amazing piece of work right here. i like the format you used as well. very intense to proving your point. well done.
7/3/2004 c1 137Ria Mala
I don't understand the formatting, but the rhymes are cool. This a cool poem.
137Ria MalaI don't understand the formatting, but the rhymes are cool. This a cool poem.
7/1/2004 c1 132mizu no kokoro
ooh i love the format! lots of emphasis on what you're trying to say~ i often feel that way too~ great poem!
132mizu no kokoroooh i love the format! lots of emphasis on what you're trying to say~ i often feel that way too~ great poem!