for Mantle Grey9/28/2005 c1 
3Pont
This is good, not as good as your other poems, but that's probably because it's older ^_^;
On stanza two, line one, I think you meant 'ere' instead of 'heir' @_@ I don't think 'heir' makes sense there...
I also believe you meant to put an apostraphe in 'terror's' in the last line of the poem, 'on terrors ugly face'- you're using the possessive of 'terror', so you'd need to use 'terror's'.
First line of hte fourth stanza, 'like snow that settles gentle-y', I think that maybe you chose to use 'gentle-y' to give the poem kind of the feeling of a song, but because most people know that the correct spelling is 'gently', it just pops out and seems strange.
Well, it's still a pretty poem. The first stanza, I would recommend rephrasing it, as you have three lines in a row ending in '-ing' and it sounds kind of strange. Wonderful imagery, as usual, and pretty twist at the end, introducing evil lurking under the surface like that.
~Ponteh
3PontThis is good, not as good as your other poems, but that's probably because it's older ^_^;
On stanza two, line one, I think you meant 'ere' instead of 'heir' @_@ I don't think 'heir' makes sense there...
I also believe you meant to put an apostraphe in 'terror's' in the last line of the poem, 'on terrors ugly face'- you're using the possessive of 'terror', so you'd need to use 'terror's'.
First line of hte fourth stanza, 'like snow that settles gentle-y', I think that maybe you chose to use 'gentle-y' to give the poem kind of the feeling of a song, but because most people know that the correct spelling is 'gently', it just pops out and seems strange.
Well, it's still a pretty poem. The first stanza, I would recommend rephrasing it, as you have three lines in a row ending in '-ing' and it sounds kind of strange. Wonderful imagery, as usual, and pretty twist at the end, introducing evil lurking under the surface like that.
~Ponteh
7/17/2004 c1 40singingspeechless
has anyone ever told you that your poems sound a lot like Emily Dickinson's?
40singingspeechlesshas anyone ever told you that your poems sound a lot like Emily Dickinson's?
7/15/2004 c1 79Summerdazed
i think there are some typo in this :O)
this is good too, but somehow I like the previous ones better. maybe cuz i've never seen snow...
=summerdazed=
79Summerdazedi think there are some typo in this :O)
this is good too, but somehow I like the previous ones better. maybe cuz i've never seen snow...
=summerdazed=
6/20/2004 c1 14nominisexpertis
Love the contrast and vivid images! Thanks so much for the review. I just recently joined FictionPress and getting a review that quickly certainly makes me feel welcome ^^
14nominisexpertisLove the contrast and vivid images! Thanks so much for the review. I just recently joined FictionPress and getting a review that quickly certainly makes me feel welcome ^^