11/29/2004 c1 86The Fenix
Heather, You must know the excitement of receiving a review of your work, so imagine my surprise when this one was from you. I have longed for so long to talk to you and share everything in my life with you. You have been gone 3 months but it feels like an eternity, these last few moths have changed me in so many ways that it often takes me a moment to be able to wrap my own mind around it. You know when you moved away I knew our friendship would take on a different nature, but never like this. I could not tell you the last time we talked and that does sadden me, but we can change that and we can fix that. You have no idea what your friendship means to me, but then again maybe you do, because you feel like I do. It felt like every time I tried to reach you but it seems like each time I tried I could only reach as far as a closed door, and knowing that you were other side pained me so much it started to hurt to try. Honestly I don’t feel like our friendship is gone, it just hurts me to know that it’s not like it used to be, and I really miss those times. You meant the world to me Heather, and you still do, nothing could change that, I guess what it all really boiled down to was that it was easier to push away my hurt feeling than to deal with them, and I am sorry because that was a selfish thing to do. I think we have both changed so much in these last few months, I am the same person but parts of me have changed, I went through a very dark time, and I was very alone, only because that was how I wanted it. I had given up on writing, and stopped doing those things that bring me the simple joys in life. All because of my dad, I had to face him after 7 long hard years, this time was in court and it was not pretty. I can say I am a little ashamed of the way I acted that day, mainly because I was so hurt that after 7 years, he is still the cold hatred bastard he has always been, no before you think it I would never let that bastard see any emotion from me, I would sooner die than give him that. But I cried long and hard on the way home, my mom was in the car with me, and I know she had never heard me sound so hurt and hateful in my life. I cried the entire way home, and all I could say was that I hate him so much and that I wish he would die. I went home that night and laved in my bed all night. I would not talk to anybody as hard as they tried. It was then I understood that Troy had finally taken from me the one thing that I thought could never be taken, and that was Hope. I lost everything that day. I swore I would never write again and that I was done with fiction press, because I would spread the feeling of hopelessness to everybody. It was strange because everybody around me could see this, and it hurt me to know that my friends were so upset with how dark and withdrawn I had become. So I decided to start writing again, under the name HopeSpringsEternal which was part of the name of the shawshank redemption book. But there was a part of me that still burned, and I could not turn my back on the fenix but I still would not post under that name. So I was happy again and actually looking on the bright side of everything as opposed to the dark. Then I met Stacy. You might remember her, she works for the bank. We got together like 2 weeks ago and we have only been apart when we are at work. She is just incredible; I don’t know how long it will last but for the time being its everything I could want. Ok the whole I don’t know how long it will last comment was kinda harsh, what I meant to say was I don’t know how long she will put up with me. : ) So yes as usual you were right, there I said it ya happy now : ) Ok so we are going to clear up our communication problem so we can talk to each other ALL THE TIME!Phone (219) 762-0598Email

I miss you girl. And I’ll always have love for ya.

Talk to you soon Boo!