
10/30/2004 c1
15Sure I'm Garbage
Well, if you hadn't been so nice to me, I certainly wouldn't be compelled to be pleasant to you. Why? Because, my GOD! My envy would overpower my better senses. In other words, fabulous writing. Thus far I have been impressed with all of your works. Some of the best works I've read on this site. Keep it up, and thank you so much for your kind words!

Well, if you hadn't been so nice to me, I certainly wouldn't be compelled to be pleasant to you. Why? Because, my GOD! My envy would overpower my better senses. In other words, fabulous writing. Thus far I have been impressed with all of your works. Some of the best works I've read on this site. Keep it up, and thank you so much for your kind words!
8/28/2004 c1
3Stranger Than Fiction
Hey, really nice piece! I've been meaning to read your work since I saw your review of my story, and only just not got around to it.
You know, I've heard people say fireflies are greenish, but they're completely yellow to me. :/ Of course, fireflies are relatively new to me. I just moved to Tennessee from California, where there were none. :P Where are you from?
I'm in the process of updating my stories, in case you're interested. I believe I updated the one you reviewed...

Hey, really nice piece! I've been meaning to read your work since I saw your review of my story, and only just not got around to it.
You know, I've heard people say fireflies are greenish, but they're completely yellow to me. :/ Of course, fireflies are relatively new to me. I just moved to Tennessee from California, where there were none. :P Where are you from?
I'm in the process of updating my stories, in case you're interested. I believe I updated the one you reviewed...
7/25/2004 c1
19the lily
Excellent. It captures the reader right away, but subtly. I like it.
Keep writing.
Anna/the lily

Excellent. It captures the reader right away, but subtly. I like it.
Keep writing.
Anna/the lily
7/11/2004 c1
89lalamushu
I like the description you use in this story. Your word usage is very good, and refreshing. Keep up the good work!

I like the description you use in this story. Your word usage is very good, and refreshing. Keep up the good work!
7/3/2004 c1 RebeccaBlackmore
Jessi, you are so wonderful.
Now to critique:
Okay, there is little I can say. It's very well written. More like poetry then prose. There is a lot of stuff going on.
Jessi, you are so wonderful.
Now to critique:
Okay, there is little I can say. It's very well written. More like poetry then prose. There is a lot of stuff going on.
7/2/2004 c1
66lebuffle
An interesting concept - lying in the middle of the road (as you do. . .). The key word of this piece seems to be 'subtlety'. Everything is subtle. The firework danger is subtle. The lying in the middle of the road is sbtle. The car in the middle of the road at the end is subtle. The helicopter is subtle. Yet all this character really cared about was the double yellow lines on the road! The irony here was quite amusing.
I thought that certain parts and phrases stood out. They were really impressive - particularly the bit about the lines and locals that didn't walk in straight lines - signifying that they are drunk? This made me giggle.
Nice comparison between the bugs not caring about the stripes on the road and you not caring about catching them.
The danger in the piece about the fireworks was subtle, without destroying the calm atmosphere. The impression was also given that, in the story, you weren't overly paranoid about the Roman Candles. However, how cold you, as the character, tell that the boy was lighting the Roman Candles just from the raise in volume of the voices? They could have been excited about anything.
The helicopters bit was good. again, it was kept subtle with a calm feel - as your character, you could even be described as ignorant of what was happening; especially with the car bit at the end. It's quite amusing that all the character really cared about was lying in the road, and shows it so in the narration and writing technique.
I like the "soft, diluted wash of headlights". That's a beautiful metaphor.
I found it difficult to know what time of day it was at first. When you said that it was high summer, I immediately thought that it was day. It must have, therefore, been pretty late for it to have been dark. Does your mum let you, out that late on your own (or at all, for that matter)? I didn't know what time of day it was or what it all looked like until about half way through reading it. Then I had to start again to visualise the scene differently. That was a bit annoying.
I like your subtle writing techniques and the irony in there. Was this intended? If it was (and if it wasn't, I'll let you pretend that it was), it worked extremely well and brought some humour (which, even in itself, was subtle). Good stuff!

An interesting concept - lying in the middle of the road (as you do. . .). The key word of this piece seems to be 'subtlety'. Everything is subtle. The firework danger is subtle. The lying in the middle of the road is sbtle. The car in the middle of the road at the end is subtle. The helicopter is subtle. Yet all this character really cared about was the double yellow lines on the road! The irony here was quite amusing.
I thought that certain parts and phrases stood out. They were really impressive - particularly the bit about the lines and locals that didn't walk in straight lines - signifying that they are drunk? This made me giggle.
Nice comparison between the bugs not caring about the stripes on the road and you not caring about catching them.
The danger in the piece about the fireworks was subtle, without destroying the calm atmosphere. The impression was also given that, in the story, you weren't overly paranoid about the Roman Candles. However, how cold you, as the character, tell that the boy was lighting the Roman Candles just from the raise in volume of the voices? They could have been excited about anything.
The helicopters bit was good. again, it was kept subtle with a calm feel - as your character, you could even be described as ignorant of what was happening; especially with the car bit at the end. It's quite amusing that all the character really cared about was lying in the road, and shows it so in the narration and writing technique.
I like the "soft, diluted wash of headlights". That's a beautiful metaphor.
I found it difficult to know what time of day it was at first. When you said that it was high summer, I immediately thought that it was day. It must have, therefore, been pretty late for it to have been dark. Does your mum let you, out that late on your own (or at all, for that matter)? I didn't know what time of day it was or what it all looked like until about half way through reading it. Then I had to start again to visualise the scene differently. That was a bit annoying.
I like your subtle writing techniques and the irony in there. Was this intended? If it was (and if it wasn't, I'll let you pretend that it was), it worked extremely well and brought some humour (which, even in itself, was subtle). Good stuff!
7/1/2004 c1
4RinseAway2000
Very abstract indeed! I like this piece very much! I would have liked to hear a little more about the people she heard. As in her relationship to them, if any. Other than that, very interesting!

Very abstract indeed! I like this piece very much! I would have liked to hear a little more about the people she heard. As in her relationship to them, if any. Other than that, very interesting!
7/1/2004 c1
58floorcollision
This is fabulous, really. i wish i had something constructive to say about it- but i don't other than just...keep writing. this is really amazing.
it has honesty, feeling, and emotion. i love it. :)

This is fabulous, really. i wish i had something constructive to say about it- but i don't other than just...keep writing. this is really amazing.
it has honesty, feeling, and emotion. i love it. :)
6/30/2004 c1
8PorcelainMachete
Your summers must be awesome. j/k. I think it was really good. The only thing that I can say is at the very end...last sentance. Saying again twice like that, I dunno, it kinda threw the feeling just a little bit. But other than that, I liked it just fine!

Your summers must be awesome. j/k. I think it was really good. The only thing that I can say is at the very end...last sentance. Saying again twice like that, I dunno, it kinda threw the feeling just a little bit. But other than that, I liked it just fine!
6/30/2004 c1
74LordK
Soft diluted wash of the headlights. That phrase sums up what was brilliant about that. It was expository, poetic, and eloquent. Nice. It was a snapshot of a moment, a look at a life in passing. I loved that way no one had a name. That was a wonderful touch. It's great how you do this writing, it's so.. ah, I'd by a book of this stuff. You could call it "Abstract\Profound\Found" Hehehe. I loved it. Yes.

Soft diluted wash of the headlights. That phrase sums up what was brilliant about that. It was expository, poetic, and eloquent. Nice. It was a snapshot of a moment, a look at a life in passing. I loved that way no one had a name. That was a wonderful touch. It's great how you do this writing, it's so.. ah, I'd by a book of this stuff. You could call it "Abstract\Profound\Found" Hehehe. I loved it. Yes.