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1/26/2005 c1 10Jaz108
I must say that I like your other stories more... this one is to quick... and not as well written... but its mbetter than mine.. (hell! Id rather read the phone book than my story.. thats how bad I think it is..)

/Jaz
12/27/2004 c1 timeless
one last one for luck

good luck with your relatives in china and try not to swear at them...
11/20/2004 c1 1R.Valaina
This is a yay! lol. I liked it. I thought it was good. Please r/r my story. Is there going to be a second chapter? Or is this the ned?Keep up the great work!
9/18/2004 c1 6Vilverin
Yeah the title is a bit melodramatic but that is okay. We all do it. :-) Um a few things (1) Fat Tony is a bit of a steriotypical name for a drug dealer/gang leader type person. Not that it is a bad name or anything, you just might want to make it a bit less steriotyped. (2) There are a few grammatical mistakes, the most common being tense changes and comma's. You just have to make sure that you read it through a few times and keep it in either past, present or future tense, don't jump around. And the comma's are an easy fix, just get a beta reader ^_^ Anyway I like it so far, are you going to continue? OH and thanks for reviewing my story!
Vilverin
8/14/2004 c1 Elize
omgness this is your english major? ITs Seriously GOOD!serious! Its ...I Actually GET IT!But i dont undestand...why wasnt she prepared for fat tony? She shoulda BArricaded the doors or at least changed ADDRESS!maybe even move to another country! and what was that lump? why did she have to cheat him? why are people so cruel as to cheat other people? i do not like this world
but your story has much perspective.
i like
8/9/2004 c1 l i Q i
woah xin...dis wos ur major? its very good but confusin to read @ times...or mebbe its js me^^...anyways i luv it
7/14/2004 c1 16kaika switched
Writing serious stories isn't as hard as you think. At least, it shouldn't be. This story's okay so far. Kind of difficult to read at times, but if you really pay attention, it's easy to understand. Adding more? Keep writing!
7/10/2004 c1 6vague-perception
hi! An exciting read, and it moves quite quickly...drugs and diamonds, whew. Are you gonna add more to it? Yay, you won't flunk! And if you do we'll rally and find the teacher who marked it ;)
7/9/2004 c1 4jemraja
yay Fat Tony - such a kool drug dealer name! n hez got so much charisma (heh)..
yep wel rewrite it into a series! - lyk all the * bitz yu can change into chapters...hehe then yu'll get a healthy heap of reviewz alrite!
uh, elaborate on roxannez character (and btw the name is soo right for this story!) n maybe even on the other man? lyk outline his addiction to drugs, and how much he knows about em all n yep.
otherwise, intriguing story and way too short fer my liking - keep writing! (yeah i know it had a word limit :'( )mebbe yu cood make a collection of short stories instead!
7/8/2004 c1 2cOrUpTeDmInD
Your story has a good plot but there is two many things wrong with the way its written for it to be a good story. One, you move to fast, to many things happened one after the other. Two, that hopeing back and forth between peoples thoughts that you did, it needs to stop. It annoys the reader and ruins your plot, which like i said is really good. Just thought i'd give you some pointers:)

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