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for Lose Yourself

4/18/2005 c1 21Lunar Ecalypso
Oo, spiffy, I like it. Thanks for reviewing, and OH YOU JUST GAVE ME THE GREATEST IDEA FOR MY STORY! This is so cool! I like this poem, too. Very touching, it's very, as my English teacher would put it, "profound."
3/18/2005 c1 5jointedlegs
Heyy! I think this poem has a nice ring to it. It's short - but effective.

The words are kind of jumbled and phrases sliced up...is that the feel you were aiming for? But anyways, it's good! You elaborated the speaker's feelings.

But there's one line which irks me, "You feel so blind and can't hear"It's sorta odd o.o;; Doesn't really flow...perhaps "You can't see and can't hear"? would be better? heh. Just a suggestion.

Anyways great poem! ^^ Keep it up. I like this topic too.
11/18/2004 c1 38secret thoughts revealed
most of your other stuff is alot better this one isnt very good sorry
11/15/2004 c1 1kelseypaige
You seem to always start out your poems so welly and keep it up for the rest of the poem! I liked to end to. Great way to close. It's kinda of like and open close thats like an abrupt ending. Kinda like "the grudge" if you've seen it. If you havent, dont. lol. Anyway. I liked it. Even though it didnt rhyme, rhyming isnt everything, right? yeah. It's great. haha. I love all your works (cept i had to scroll down quite a bit to reach it...) =D
This was quite lovely!
~Fallen Fantasist
7/30/2004 c1 21SunMoonAndSpoon
XD Wow, I know the feeling. Very good, very descriptive. =3 You're a good writer person!
7/18/2004 c1 6Elvenstar20
Like it. Short but good. Love the ending.
Keep writing!
-Ami
P.s And about your story...I absolutely love the stilletto idea. :)Update? soon?
:-D:-D
7/13/2004 c1 tamster
like the feel
7/13/2004 c1 16kaika switched
You can read this in like, a second, and it's so impacting. Like you're supposed to read it that way. Everything flows into this one huge sentence and idea that you almost have to read it three or four times to break it down. Nice work. Keep writing!

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