for You're Lucky I'm Blonde3/13/2005 c4 
2Nebulae
Eh. It's not a very badly written story, but there's not much to keep me reading. Lycra has some definite Mary Sue-ish tendancies (i.e. she has not a single character flaw), and that is a big turn-off. I'd also repeat the suggestion made by another reviewer and say that your story needs some kind of problem/conflict. There's something here about what Lycra is going to do w/ her life, but it doesn't seem to bother anyone in the story that much, and so it doesn't seem like much a conflict to the reader. My final suggestion would be that you add a bit of description and action to complement your dialogue. You do the dialogue very well, and it is wonderfully natural and believable, but there's nothing to supplement the dialogue, and so things can get a little confusing at times. Other than that, you seem to have a pretty nice story going here.
2NebulaeEh. It's not a very badly written story, but there's not much to keep me reading. Lycra has some definite Mary Sue-ish tendancies (i.e. she has not a single character flaw), and that is a big turn-off. I'd also repeat the suggestion made by another reviewer and say that your story needs some kind of problem/conflict. There's something here about what Lycra is going to do w/ her life, but it doesn't seem to bother anyone in the story that much, and so it doesn't seem like much a conflict to the reader. My final suggestion would be that you add a bit of description and action to complement your dialogue. You do the dialogue very well, and it is wonderfully natural and believable, but there's nothing to supplement the dialogue, and so things can get a little confusing at times. Other than that, you seem to have a pretty nice story going here.
9/5/2004 c3 14RainyDaySunlight
Love it! You're writing style is beautiful! It's a great story. I like how you develop the different characters and their situations. It needs a little more...i don't know, plot? but not really. More like conflict? Or action? I don't know the right word, it's just floating around in my head but it won't form into something solid...it needs a lil' something though. I do really like it though and I hope you continue! Please!
14RainyDaySunlightLove it! You're writing style is beautiful! It's a great story. I like how you develop the different characters and their situations. It needs a little more...i don't know, plot? but not really. More like conflict? Or action? I don't know the right word, it's just floating around in my head but it won't form into something solid...it needs a lil' something though. I do really like it though and I hope you continue! Please!
7/29/2004 c2 ailsa
hey jess, awesome story!
i thought it was really cool! but can i say something? u didnt really introduce robyn in the first chapter so it was a lil confusing at first, but other than that, i thought it was great : )
hey jess, awesome story!
i thought it was really cool! but can i say something? u didnt really introduce robyn in the first chapter so it was a lil confusing at first, but other than that, i thought it was great : )